Weekend Movie Reviews

First up, a couple of flicks I caught one more time this weekend because I liked them so much.

Clerks 2. If you haven't seen it, stop reading, call some friends, and go. I'll wait.

Ok, good. Wasn't that hilarious? I tried to get a bunch of friends together to go see it this weekend, but almost everybody flaked out. Bitches. One thing I noticed on a second viewing is how good Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson are. I don't know why they haven't done more films, other than bit parts and whatnot in Kevin Smith's flicks.

Superman Returns. I had a couple of free passes, so I figured I might as well see it again before it slips out of theatres. Plus, the first time I saw it was in about the third row at an IMAX, so it was nice to see it at a comfortable distance. I don't know why it didn't make more of an impact at the box office than it did. Sure, Pirates 2 came out the very next weekend, but I don't understand why it made such a huge impact, since Superman was the better film all around (and I'm not saying that just because I'm a Supes fan, I really liked the first Pirates film). One thing that stood out more the second time around was the Christ allegory. "The world needs a savior," Supes falling back to Earth, prostrated in the sign of the cross. Thanks for that, Mr. Singer, but keep your religion out of my comic book movie.

On a side note, there was a trailer before the movie with some bullshit text flashing up, like, "One family...One child...Who would change the world...Forever." And then it hits you with, "The Nativity Story." At that point, I leaned over to Justin and said just loudly enough for him to hear (or so I thought), "What the fuck?" Mere seconds later, some bitch a few seats over and a row down said, "Hey, buddy, back there? Can we control the reflexes?" Justin's not convinced she was talking to me (she proceeded to be a loudmouthed bitch through the rest of the movie, spouting nonsense to the people she was with), but I am. And that pisses me off.

First off, if you take offense at language, you just need to shut the fuck up. Don't give me your holier-than-thou bullshit, and insult my intelligence because I use "bad" words. I say whatever the hell I want, when I want, and if you don't like it, that's too damn bad. It's called the First Amendment, asshole. Besides, I don't think that was her problem, since she and her dumbass friends dropped a couple of f-bombs during the movie.

So what she took offense at was my visceral reaction to "The Nativity Story." I don't want or need your religion in my movies, alright? I hate trailers anyway (there's a reason they're called trailers, they used to follow the movie, not preceed it), so excuse me for taking issue with a trailer for a pointless film that I was forced to watch. You want to believe in God and thank Jesus for being your savior and read your bible, fine. I got no problem with that. But get your fucking bullshit out of my entertainment! I don't want your Passion, I don't want your Nativity, I don't want your God is Great and Anyone who Disagrees is a Worthless, Sub-Human Heathen. Fuck you.

Now that that's out of the way, we come to the DVDs that I rented.

The Villain, rated PG, starring Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margret and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Got this at the recommendation of my Dad, who's usually pretty solid with his recommendations. However, I honestly don't know what he was thinking. It's a western, but is filled with slapstick comedy. I know what you're thinking: Blazing Saddles. But The Villain is less like Blazing Saddles and more like a live-action Road Runner cartoon. There must have been at least a dozen gags with Kirk Douglas' Cactus Jack (the Wile E. character) trying and failing to trap the other two leads with a scheme right out of the Looney Tunes. As bad as it sounds, it's even worse on film. What a piece of shit. Oh, and 27 years later, Arnold still has the exact same accent.

The Pink Panther, rated PG, starring Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, and Beyonce Knowles. Sir, I watched The Pink Panther, I liked the Pink Panther, The Pink Panther was a favorite of mine. Sir, you are no Pink Panther. Famous quote paraphrasing aside, this movie sucked. Steve Martin apparently co-wrote the screenplay, but the other guy must have been in charge of the jokes. There were only a few genuine laughs in the whole hour and a half, and if I'd seen this at a theatre, I would have demanded my money back. Peter Sellers played Clouseau with more subtlety than this. He's a bumbling detective, not a fucking moron. Kevin Kline was forgettable, Jean Reno is better than this (he was fucking Leon, for chrissakes), and I have no idea what purpose Beyonce served, other than being a cocktease. Seriously, she needs to pose for Playboy or something.

Old School, unrated edition, starring Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Vince Vaughn. Rented this on the recommendation of a co-worker. Finally, a good movie. Funny as hell. Nothing much else to say, except that it gets a thumbs-up from me. Word has it they're doing a sequel, although I'm not sure why.

Until next time, the balcony is closed, fuckers. Nooch!

Avengers Assemble!

I've been catching up on the SDCC (that's San Diego Comic Con) news in the past few days, and something struck me. Marvel made some announcements about the movies they've been working on, and will work on in the near future. Let's do the rundown.

The Incredible Hulk. Don't call it a sequel, but this one's supposed to right the supposed wrongs of the first film. No Ang Lee this time around, so I guess that means we won't get a tender moment with Hulk telling the Leader, "I wish I knew how to quit you." I really enjoyed the first film, and Hulk's always been a personal favorite, so more Hulk is a very good thing. This one's in pre-production, and is slated to smash up theatres in 2008.

Iron Man. He's so money and he doesn't even know it. Jon Favreau is directing this one, and as long as Tom Cruise or Ben Affleck doesn't play Tony Stark, this should be awesome. It's been in development hell for a while, but is currently in pre-production with a release date of May 2, 2008.

Ant-Man. I admit it. I'm not a big Ant-Man fan. His sole claim to fame is what this entire post is about. The project is helmed by the director and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead. No release date for this one yet.

Marvel also announced that after those, they'll be doing films for Captain America and Thor, among others.

So what does this mean? How are these films related, other than the comic book genre? What common thread ties all those superheroes together?

The Avengers, baby. The only founding member missing from that list is Wasp, and technically, she could tag along in Ant-Man's flick. There is, of course, the possibility that it's just coincidence. An Avengers movie would probably be cost-prohibitive, unless it was animated. I guess we'll just have to wait. I'll be hoping.

Hodge Podge

Got an assortment of things I wanted to talk about today.

First, summer in the Central Valley sucks. Today was the eighth straight day we've had triple digit temperatures. And for the past two days, it hasn't even cooled down at night until about 4 in the morning. To top it all off, the power went off today for about an hour. That's bullshit. If we (and I'm using the societal we, here) want to run our AC 24/7, we should be able to. If the power company can't produce enough power with their existing plants, they should build more. And don't give me that shit about how hydro, wind, and solar energy sources are tapped out. I'm not saying there should be more coal power plants, either. We've been living in the "nuclear age" for more than 60 years. It's about time we actually used it.

Second, I saw Clerks 2 on Friday. It was, hands down, the funniest movie I've seen this year. I highly recommend you get some friends together and go see it. Prior knowledge of the first film is not required, but I do recommend seeing Clerks at some point. So get off your ass and go see it, you little porch-monkey. It's cool, I'm taking it back.

Speaking of racism, I was talking with Justin the other day about high school (ah, the good old days...not!), and he mentioned how much I'd changed since then, specifically, my views on race. I asked him how so, since I really couldn't remember. He then proceeded to shock me.

Apparently, back in high school, we had seen some commercial about a missing girl (who just happened to be of Asian descent), and I had commented, "Oh, don't talk to me about your missing gook." He went on, and stated there was a time we were talking about mixed marriages, and I had said, quite seriously, how when two white people get together, they make a slightly above average child, but when a white person and a black person get together, they make a slightly below average child. Therefore, mixed marriages could only result in the downfall of humanity.

I was stunned, and actually speechless. I've said a lot of stupid things before (hell, I still do), but that amount of stupidity was astounding. I didn't remember saying it because I've blocked that kind of thinking out of my head. I did a lot of soul searching in college, a lot of examination of myself and my views of the world, and realized a lot of it was shit. I threw all that racist bullshit away, among other things. I'm glad I did, but I'm also glad Justin reminded me of where I started. It makes how far I've come all that more important.

Finally, Dubya vetoed a bill that would have increased funding for stem cell research performed on embryos from fertility clinics. Something of that nature, anyway, I can't be arsed to find the article, but it's out there somewhere. He based his decision on the fact that he believes taking a human life to save others is morally wrong. That's the kind of bullshit religious thinking that I threw out in college. Dubya doesn't understand that an embryo is not a human life, it's just a mass of cells. Even if we disagree on that point, the embryos from fertility clinics (the leftover ones, those that are typically frozen for storage) are usually discarded after a period of time. That's right, all those little lives, just thrown away like so much trash. Instead of using them for a noble and just cause like saving the lives of fully grown human beings who contribute to society, Dubya would rather see them flushed down the toilet, and extends his middle finger to all those people seeking a cure for Parkinson's or Alzheimer's or cancer.

Farewell, Old Pal

I lost one of my best friends today. We grew up together, and saying goodbye is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I try to think about the good times we had together. When he'd sit on the countertop, purring so hard he rocked back and forth. How he'd bump his head into mine when I leaned down to pet him. All the times he slept at the foot of my bed, rolled in a ball. Rubbing up against my legs, and wrapping his tail around me as he walked by.

He was a fine cat, a good friend, and a loyal companion.

Goodbye, Fuzzer.

I miss you.

First Time Watching a Classic

It strikes me that something like 8 of my last 15 posts have been film-related. Oh well, I watch a lot of movies. Deal with it.

I saw Citizen Kane tonight, which is regarded by many as one of, if not the, best films ever made.

But I got bored half-way through. Fucking sue me.

It wasn't a bad movie, but it certainly isn't in my top 10 list. Maybe not even in my top 50.

Let's be fair. I liked Orson Welles. Writing, directing, producing, and starring in a film that would later become a beloved classic when he was only 25? And not doing a bad job of it? Very impressive. I also liked the visual effects. Or is it called cinematography? Whatever the fuck, it looked real nice, and they used some techniques that I thought weren't even invented until 30 years later. The makeup jobs were spectacular too, most notably on Kane himself.

I didn't like that the big secret is the single worst kept secret in all of film. To this day, no one will tell you what the twist is in The Sixth Sense, but they'll freely disclose what Rosebud means. Bastards. I also didn't like the Susan Alexander character. When it came time for her flashbacks, I started to get bored, and it didn't help that the actress thought the most effective way to deliver her lines was by screeching like a banshee. Finally, a problem that plagues too many movies: Can we please match the fucking levels on spoken dialogue and music cues? It seriously pisses me off when I have to turn up the volume to hear a conversation, only to have my ear drums blasted ten seconds later by too-loud fucking operatic bullshit.

Final words on Citizen Kane: A classic, sure, but far from being the greatest movie of all time.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Search for More Money

They seem to have found it, and found a shitload. The second in a trilogy of PotC films blew Superman's opening away, and possibly annihilated Supes' chances of breaking even at the box office.

But here's the problem: the movie wasn't very good. I don't feel that I wasted my money, but I won't be seeing it again at the theatre (and I will be returning for a second showing of Superman), and I'm not excited about seeing the third film.

I'm nothing if not fair, so let me tell you what I liked about the flick.
1. Johnny Depp. I'm not a fan of his work, as a whole or in part, but there's something about the job he does with Jack Sparrow that I can't help but like.
2. The CGI. I could have sworn Davy Jones (played by Bill Nighy) was part practical makeup, part CGI. Until I read an interview with him where he said it was all CGI. Wow. The rest of his crew was spectacular, too, so I foresee an Oscar nomination for visual effects.
3. I guess that's it. Oh well.

Now we come to what I didn't like.
1. The length. I've said this before, but if a movie's going to be over 2 hours, it had better be able to justify that running time. And this one doesn't. About an hour in, I knew what they had to do, I was just waiting for them to do it. They then proceeded to throw so many little twists and turns in that the movie dragged on for another hour and a half.
2. The Kraken. Sure, it was impressive, but did we have to see it four goddamn times? We get it.
3. Muddled story. So they're doing two sequels, shot back to back. It's been done before, most notably with Back to the Future and The Matrix. Back to the Future was awesome. Matrix, not so much. With Pirates, it almost felt like the creators were intentionally dragging things out to justify two films. All these different sub-plots and minor twists are there just to be there, to pad the running time, which is too long to begin with.
4. No resolution. Of anything. Yeah, ok, there's another movie, but can't you tie up at least a few things? Just one? No, everything has to be unfinished, so we'll come back for the finale.

Well, I'm not sure I want to. And after they have some time to think about it, I'm not sure everyone else will, either. Remember how The Matrix was a surprise hit, and the creators wanted to cash in with two sequels, and everyone flocked to the second movie, but since it was shit, nobody saw the third? I think that may be what ends up happening to Pirates. We'll have to wait and see.

I know one thing: it's a damn shame if this results in there not being another Superman movie, because I thought that was much better than PotC 2.

Truth, Justice, and the American Way

What better way to celebrate America's Independence Day than with some good old-fashioned super-heroism? I'm talking Superman Returns, which I saw last night on the IMAX. And man, was I impressed.

I went in expecting that Brandon Routh couldn't replace Christopher Reeve, and while I still think Reeve is the definitive Superman, this new kid did one hell of a job. His Kent was on the money, as was his Superman (helped in a big way by the fancy flying tech that blows away the quaint effects in the 1978 film), and I particularly enjoyed the homages to the earlier films ("I hope this experience hasn't put you off flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel," "You know, you really shouldn't smoke, Miss Lane," Brando as Jor El, Lois' terrible spelling, the end flying sequence, the beginning credits, etc.)

I liked Kate Bosworth's Lois better than Margot Kidder's Lois. Kidder's take on the character always seemed a bit off to me. And Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor, holy shit. I think Spacey is a great actor, and he didn't disappoint.

Most importantly, Superman is, well, super. On a power level scale from 1 to 10, he's a 15. When Supes gets fired up, you know there's some shit about to go down, and when he's this powerful, that's some serious shit.

There were a couple of things I didn't like. The last 25 minutes or so. Very anticlimactic, 15 minutes could have been trimmed and it would have ended with a bang, rather than a whimper. Also, Lois' son I am decidedly on the fence about. Without going into spoiler territory, I hope the inevitable sequel is as good as this film, if not better.

I really liked X3. But Superman owned the X-Men in the face. You just got smacked down by DC, Marvel. What are you gonna do about that? *hopes Spider-Man 3 kicks serious ass*

Idiots + Fireworks = Bad

What the fuck is wrong with people? I thought fireworks were supposed to be for the fourth of July, not the entire fucking week and a half before. It's also nice if the fucktards who want to shoot them off would do so sometime before 1 am, before normal people are asleep because they actually have jobs to go to in the morning.

Seriously, how is shooting off loud whizz-bang fireworks at 1:45 not against the law? Where are the police keeping the goddamn peace? Drug dealers getting shot in the ghetto don't concern me; getting a full night's sleep does. If I don't get a full night's sleep, I'm unable to be a contributing member of society, unlike the asshats who shoot off firecrackers whenever they feel like.

I'd like to shove a half-stick of dynamite up their ass and light the fuse. See how they like that shit.

Tales from the cubicle

Here we have a very rare work-related post. I rarely talk about work for a couple of reasons (I hate bitching about my job, because everyone does, and since I work in the healthcare industry, all of the specifics of my job are confidential), but I have to talk about this.

I'm a habitual lurker over at SDN, and there was a thread about trying to cancel AOL. Yes, AOL sucks. Yes, it's very difficult to cancel your account, I know. Yes, the reps at AOL are difficult to deal with (especially if you're trying to cancel). It doesn't make them any less of a person, so the things that people were saying they would do and have done, jesus.

First off, I don't have an employee number. So asking for that doesn't do anything. Second, if you ask for my supervisor, that pisses me off. Here's the thing: my supervisor has the same information I do. You don't like my answers? Fine. But you're not going to like my supervisors answers, either. You want to file a complaint? Ok, but chances are the call was recorded. If you have a legitimate complaint, we'll know. But if you're complaining about policy, too fucking bad. It's not our fault you're a dumbass you doesn't want to follow the rules everyone else does.

What should the customer do if he's not getting his way? Should he start yelling at the rep? No. Should he start swearing at the rep? No. Should he threaten the rep and/or the company with legal action? No. I just work here, fuckstick. Yelling and swearing at me just pisses me off. Threatening legal action? For what? You're going to sue us because you were too stupid to pay your premium on time and your account got cancelled? Or because you have a huge bill for service from an outside provider because you didn't read the fucking agreement that said you have to come to our doctors? You're too fucking stupid to do what 6 million other members in the state do, so you'd like to sue. Fantastic. Fuck you.

More Game Notes

One more thing about Table Tennis: Not only have I not picked it back up since I wrote about it, but I had more fun playing some of the Live Arcade games (Uno and Backgammon) that I purchased for 5 bucks. Suck on that, Rockstar.

I was sort of at a loss for what to play today after I'd satisfied my card/board game playing needs. I had to take Hitman back to the video store, so I couldn't play that. I didn't really feel like playing Splinter Cell because I wasn't in a sneaking mood. So I checked out BestBuy's website to see if they had any games on sale. And whaddya know? They're having some sort of Xbox blowout, buy 2 get one free deal. After referring to the X360 backwards compatibility guide, I decided to get Stubbs the Zombie, Forza Motorsport, and Halo 2. Three awesome games for 50 bucks, you can't beat that. I can't wait til they get here. Forza Motorsport should be a shit-ton of fun online, Halo 2 is of course standard fare for Xbox parties, and Stubbs, I mean, come on. Creating an army of the undead? What could be more fun?

Rockstar Presents Table Tennis

When I first heard that Rockstar's next game was going to be Table Tennis, my reaction was along the lines of, "What the fuck?"

Then after it came out, I started to get excited. I thought, well, if they have the balls to release fucking Pong, for chrissakes, I should at least check it out.

So I did. I played it a little last night, and a lot today. The first thing I did was the training. Aced it. Lots of different stuff you can do, and I was doing it like a pro. Let's try a tournament, I said. Which tournament? Rookie, of course, it says it's "Medium" difficulty. Pah! I scoff at Medium difficulty, it's the fucking Rookie tournament, I can own.

No, I got owned. I got fucking shut out before I even realized what was going on. So I retreated back to the Amateur tourney, which is "Easy."

I won that tournament, but I wouldn't call it easy. I thought I had a handle on the character I had chosen, so today I decided to bring him to the Rookie tourney. And I was owned in the face once again In the course of two games, I scored maybe 3 points.

Well, shit. Ok, let's try a different character and try to hone my skills in "Easy" mode. So that's what I did, but I hit a brick wall at the Amateur champion. I must have called for a rematch 5 times. I still couldn't win. Hell, I couldn't even get close. I never won a game, let alone the match.

So yeah, Table Tennis. Maybe I'm just bad at it (doubtful. I've been a console gamer since I was 5. I grew up on "Nintendo-hard" games. Nintendo-hard I can handle, but poor control I can't. As an example, there were a number of points I missed because my Pong-er either didn't move, or didn't swing when I told them to.), or maybe Rockstar should stick to what they're good at.

Names are for friends, so I don't need one

I finished the storyline in Hitman: Blood Money a couple of nights ago. I'm not quite done with the game; there's a few more achievements I want to do. After that, it can go back to the video store.

Not that it's a bad game, in fact, it's quite awesome. It's just short, and by the time I get those achievements done, the replay value will have been all used up. And there's the biggest problem with charging 60 bucks for a new game. Very few are worth it, because even the awesome ones like Hitman are only worth a rental. If I see it later on for 20 bucks, I'll pick it up, but there's no way it's worth 60.

I don't think $60 games will become the norm, anyway. PC games are still 50, and a lot of the X360 games are PC ports. If Microsoft doesn't lower the price of the console this holiday season (and given the huge delta between the X360 and the PS3, there's really no reason to), I think they'll at least cut the prices of the games back down to $50. Here's hoping.

I, Robot

I decided to put I, Robot, in my queue after learning Alan Tudyk did the voice of Sonny. Yes, even after my initial, vitriolic attitude towards the movie. I gave it a chance purely because of Alan Tudyk.

I'm less disappointed than I thought I'd be. It's clearly a Hollywood movie, with tons of CGI, Will Smith, and crazy, wacky, camera shots that made me sick. Seriously, spinning the camera up, down, and around like we're on a roller coaster or some sort of g-force machine? Christ.

But it wasn't bad. It wasn't that good, but it was a fun time. As I said before, the film wasn't an adaptation of any of the stories in the book, but rather, "suggested" by what Isaac Asimov wrote. Would the movie have been better had it been an adaptation? Perhaps. Or perhaps it would have been a huge, steaming pile of shit. As it is, I, Robot is neither good or bad, but just ok.

Police State, here we come

This time, I'm going to link to an article from a news site that (hopefully) doesn't flush its archives after a week.

It seems that the new and improved SCOTUS (that's Supreme Court of the United States for you political noobs) has gone against precedent, and weakened the protections in the 4th Amendment to the Constitution against unreasonable searches and seizures. The case centers on some asshole who, when the cops entered his home (with a legal search warrant and after knocking and announcing themselves), was surrounded with 23 bags of coke. The local judge threw out the evidence citing the police had not given the suspect ample time between announcing themselves and entering, the state Supreme Court disagreed, and the asshole appealed to the SCOTUS, who decided the "knock and announce" rule is unnecessary.

Here's the problem, though. This case is an extreme. Obviously, the evidence shouldn't have been thrown out. The judge who made the decision is an idiot, maybe he should have his license taken away or whatever. But weakening the Constitutional protections in the Bill of Rights? How is that a solution?

Justice Scalia wrote in his majority vote some bullshit about how people like this asshole still have the option of suing the city and the local police for violating his rights, and how internal police discipline and regulations will act as checks against "overly aggressive and reckless" behavior. My ass, it will. All I see is one less roadblock to cops busting down our doors whenever the hell they please and taking or doing whatever the hell they feel like. Last I checked, it isn't fucking 1984.

Movies, Movies, the magical fruit, the more you...wait

So I've got some more critiques of the celluloid medium here. First up, one I saw at the theatre this weekend.

Cars, rated G, featuring the voices of Owen Wilson and Paul Newman, among others. It's a Pixar flick, so I had to see it. And while I'm not disappointed I saw it, I'm left feeling a little flat. It seems like the other Pixar flicks were a lot funnier, or at least had better stories. They moved quicker, too. Any movie that runs almost 2 hours needs to be able to justify a running time like that, and I don't think Cars does. It dragged in more than a few places. That's not to say it was all bad, of course. The visuals were stunning. If not for the cartoony automobiles, you could easily get lost in the scenery. The comedy, while sparse, was good. With any animated film, you have to strike a balance between what's funny for the kids, and what's funny for the adults, and I thought Cars did a good job of that. I recommend seeing it in the theatre, but I'm not sure about adding it to your collection when it comes to DVD.

Superman: The Movie, rated PG, starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, and Margot Kidder. What a great movie. Cheesy, yes, but aren't all superhero movies? Great performance from Christopher Reeve as both Clark Kent and Superman. I mean, Reeve is Superman, and the new kid in Superman Returns is going to have do one hell of a job to convince me otherwise.

Superman II, rated PG, starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Margot Kidder, and Terence Stamp. "Come to me, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod!" It had been so long since I'd seen either of these movies (I can't rightly remember if I'd ever seen II, actually), it was a pleasure to see them again, as if for the first time. Now I'm ready to see Superman Returns. There's some nonsense floating around the internet that there were two other Superman movies, but you know how the internet is.

Glory Road, rated PG, starring Josh Lucas (who the hell is Josh Lucas?). Shows you how familiar I am with "feel-good" movies, I was certain Texas Western was going to lose the championship game to Kentucky, and Coach Haskins would tell his players, "You played your best, we'll get em next time!" Whoops. Still, an interesting true story, and a reminder of how far we've come in 40 years, and how far we still have to go.

More Movies? Surely you jest!

Ah-ha, but I am completely serious! It's time for another round of quick-shot movie reviews.

Date Movie, unrated edition, starring Alyson Hannigan and some guy. Why, oh why, did I rent this? Oh yeah, because it had Alyson Hannigan in it. She was the best thing about the movie, and I was sorely tempted to turn it off after 15 minutes. I stuck with it, but what a stinker. Two thumbs down, bitch!

War of the Worlds (2005 edition), rated PG-13, starring Tom Cruise. Enjoyable. I'd still like to see the 1953 version, though, because I have a sneaking suspicion that one's better.

Back to the Future Trilogy, rated PG, starring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd. Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly! This is an awesome set of flicks that I've seen countless times. I had a lot of trouble following the timelines when I watched them as a kid, but now I can enjoy the story to its fullest, and also catch the pop culture references. Come on, Marty dressing like the man with no name in A Fistful of Dollars in BttF3? Great stuff.

Phishing: It's not just for rednecks anymore!

But it is for filthy scum-sucking asshole monkey rapists.

For those who don't know what phishing is, it's a form of fraud that involves sending e-mails that seem legitimate, but are actually scams that harvest personal information, usually leading to identity theft.

Most of these dickheads who do this shit can't even do it properly. The con-men who swindle little old ladies out of their life savings know what the hell they're doing. It's their job, they take pride in it. It doesn't make it right, but at least they're putting forth an effort.

As an example, I just got a phishing e-mail, supposedly from Amazon, requesting that I update my account records. I can honestly say that no company, in the history of companies, has ever asked me to update my account records unless I contacted them first. Regardless, that wasn't the first thing that tipped me off. The e-mail was in HTML, but it was in broken HTML. It's not that my e-mail client is incapable of reading HTML, no, the tags were fucked up, which caused the whole thing to display as text. I sincerely doubt that Amazon would fuck up the HTML tags in an official message. Nice going, assholes.

I decided to read it anyway, just to see what else they fucked up. There was a grammatical error that most people wouldn't notice, and at the end, the signature was "Amazon Security Departament." I guess they're Italian. Since the HTML was broken, I could also clearly see that the link to click on to "update your account" was actually a redirect, of course. Finally, it was sent to my tensidedrpg.com address. My Amazon account, however, is linked to my yahoo.com address. Amazon doesn't know I have a tensidedrpg address, so they sure as hell wouldn't be sending me a request to update my account records at it.

Phish this, phuckers.

Splinter Cell

Finally finished Splinter Cell tonight. I had been sitting on the next to last mission for almost a week, and I got the urge to play again today. So that's one down, two to go. It seems I've got plenty of time before Double Agent comes out, and even then, I might wait a while. I'm not that excited about paying $60 bucks for any game.

Anyway, my thoughts on Splinter Cell, as a whole. Awesome. Great character, tight gameplay, interesting levels and objectives, engaging story (kind of hard to believe it came out in 2002, and involved a terrorist plot against the US. In the post 9/11 world, I'm amazed it wasn't boycotted), and relatively open-ended gameplay. Depending on your individual style, there were often many different ways to progress through a level. You could turn the place into a morgue (like I did), be a complete ghost, or anywhere in between.

I can't wait to get started on Pandora Tomorrow.

Fargo

Here we go with another movie review. This time, it's a "classic" from the Coen Bros. Fargo won some Academy Awards, and I think that's evidence that most of the Academy Awards that were handed out in the 90s went to films that weren't very good.

Before you say, "You didn't get it" or "You didn't understand the plot" let me stop you. I did get it, and I did understand the plot, I just didn't think it was that good. I enjoyed Steve Buschemi (because I think it's hard not to enjoy a Steve Buschemi performance), but other than that, I was kind of bored. I watch films to be entertained. I don't watch films to analyze them. If you and the rest of your "Film Studies 101" class like Fargo because you can discuss the way it deals with human nature, greed, and shows that sometimes the simple things in life are best, that's fine. But don't tell me that it's a good movie. The Big Lebowski was a good movie. Fargo, not so much.

X-Men 3

Actually, I don't think it was titled X-Men 3, but rather, X-Men: The Last Stand. Regardless, it was the third movie in the series, and according to public consensus, the last.

I saw it early Friday evening, with a pretty packed house. I went in with virtually no expectations, as the release date sort of snuck up on me. I had seen the trailer a few times, but read no reviews or heard anything from anyone who had seen the midnight premiere. Anyone who knows me knows I avoid spoilers like the plague, so I hadn't been spoiled going in, and I'll keep any spoilers out of my discussion here.

If this is the last in the series, what a way to go. Wolverine kicking serious ass (finally), Colossus and Beast doing their thing (awesome), mutants versus mutants versus humans on a large scale, love triangles (yeah, that's plural), shocking deaths (no, I won't say who died, but there was one that was definitely unexpected, and the funeral scene got me a little choked up. The first movie to accomplish that since The Green Mile, IIRC. There were some sniffles from the rest of the audience, as well, something that I honestly don't ever remember experiencing at the theatre. I certainly didn't expect that sort of emotional impact from a comic book movie), and lots and lots of violence. Seriously, the body count was staggering. Probably one of the most violent PG-13 rated movies I've ever seen. I think it would have gotten an R if the deaths had been bloodier or more prominent.

My recommendation: Must see, at the theatre, preferably with a lot of other people. Prior knowledge of the X-Men really not necessary, but if you haven't seen the first two films, you're definitely missing out on a couple of awesome flicks. My local paper gave X3 2 and half stars. I don't remember what they gave the first two, but I think this was the lowest, and they didn't seem as enamored with it as I am. But what the hell do critics know, anyway? Two thumbs up, bitches.

Raccoons!

Being a city boy, I've never seen raccoons before. Unless it was at the zoo. But certainly never in my backyard.

Until tonight.

At first, I thought they were cats in the patio, looking for food. It was dark, they scurried off, and I saw the wet footprints they left. Hmm, awfully long toes for a cat. I grabbed a flashlight and looked out at the back fence. They it hit it hard, and glanced back just before they went over. Cats don't wear bandit masks.

Raccoons! In my backyard. I wish I'd been able to get a picture, but they left too quickly, and the batteries were dead anyway.

But yeah, raccoons. Not sure where they came from, or why there were two of them. Big damn things, though.

One more completely unrelated thing: I was playing some Splinter Cell (the first one) tonight, and these checkpoints are really pissing me off. All I want to do is enjoy the game and watch the story unfold, but the game won't let me. I've played through the same section about 7 times because there's so much distance between checkpoints, and so many things can go wrong in the span of about 10 minutes. Fucking checkpoints.

X360 Games Coming Soon

The X360 has what look to be some killer games coming out in the next few months. Release dates are from Gamefly, subject to change.

Hitman: Blood Money, 6/1. The Hitman games are awesome, this is a must buy.

Prey, 7/12. Seems to be a fairly innovative shooter. Hopefully it'll be better than Doom 3.

Chromehounds, 7/13. Could be a generic mech game, could be awesome.

Dead Rising, 8/24. "Don't you wanna check out the rest of E3?" "Does the rest of E3 involve killing zombies with a hedge trimmer?" "No, I don't think so." "Then why are you talking to me?"

Saint's Row, 8/30. If it's half as good as the GTA games, it's a must buy.

Splinter Cell: Double Agent, 9/28. Anticipation for this game made me go buy the first 3 games in the series, just so I can play them until DA comes out.

The Godfather, 10/4. If it's half as good as Mafia, it's a must buy.

Rainbow Six: Vegas, 11/30. Never been a big fan of the R6 games, but this one looks intriguing.

Of course, that takes us into the holiday season, during which the Wiiiiiiiii will be released. I am sooo getting one of those, for Zelda, Mario, Metroid, and Smash Bros alone, not to mention the back catalogue.

One More Quickie Movie Review

Ocean's Twelve, rated PG-13, starring George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Don Cheadle, Carl Reiner, Elliot Gould, Andy Garcia, Bernie Mac (can I stop now?), etc. I enjoyed Ocean's Eleven (the remake, I haven't seen the original). The thing about that movie was the big twist. But with this movie, it seemed like it had twists just for the sake of twists. Not a good movie, and I was bored halfway through. And for chrissakes, they're making Ocean's Thirteen.

Quickie Movie Reviews

I had absolutely nothing better to do today, so I watched a bunch of movies I had never seen. So here we go with some one paragraph or less movie reviews!

Wedding Crashers, unrated edition, starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Basically a romantic comedy for guys. Still not that great, though. Funny, but ultimately forgettable.

Scarface, rated R, starring Al Pacino. A classic that is actually deserving of the praise it gets, unlike, say, Easy Rider or Bullitt.

Cruel Intentions, rated R, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Phillippe. While it would have been much better had any of the female leads shown their tits, not a bad flick overall.

The Aristocrats, unrated, staring a shitload of comics. I'd actually seen the first 30 minutes of this previously, but I finished it up today. Funny stuff, although I must say Tim Conway's bit at the end made me laugh the hardest.

Deliverance, rated R, starring Burt Reynolds and Jon Voight. Wow. This movie would cause a stir if released today, I can't imagine the kind of reaction it caused back in 1972. Plus, if this movie didn't earn some Oscar nods for acting, it should have.

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, unrated edition, starring some dudes I've never heard of. Funny, yet forgettable. Although Neil Patrick Harris doing a cameo as himself was fucking awesome.

End of Season Roundup

So we're coming to the end of another network television season, and I think it's time to revisit the shows I've been watching for 8-9 months.

Monday night:

How I Met Your Mother, 7:30 pm, CBS - A quality show that surprised me with how good it was, and that I actually liked it (since it's basically a romantic comedy in a sitcom format). Plus, you've got Alyson Hannigan, and recent guest stars and Buffy-verse vets Alexis Denisof and Amy Acker. We still don't know how the main character met his wife, but if we did, they'd have to end the show, I suppose.

Prison Break, 8:00 pm, FOX - Apparently, the fans came back after this show's 3 month hiatus, and FOX has a second season planned. The cons escaped in the last episode, so maybe they'll have to change the name from Prison Break to Manhunt.

Tuesday night:

Veronica Mars, 9:00 pm, UPN - This show switched nights midway through the season, and Tuesday came to be known as "Veronica Mars-day." However, I must now go through a painful, months-long withdrawal from VM, and I don't know if I'll make it. I'll have to clutch my DVDs and rock myself to sleep until the best show on television returns in the fall.

Wednesday night:

Bones, 8:00 pm, FOX - Another show that seems to have a second season planned, and which also switched nights midway through the season. I can finally look at David Boreanaz now and not see Angel.

Lost, 9:00 pm, ABC - This show will be on as long as the people involved want to continue making it, because the viewers will show up, even if it was on at 4 in the morning.

Thursday night:

Smallville, 8:00 pm, WB - This is probably the weakest show on the list. I could miss the first half hour, and still know exactly what's going on, because the characters explain it to me. If I missed a half hour of Veronica Mars, I'd be just as lost as the folks on the island on that other network.

My Name Is Earl, 9:00 pm, NBC - Jason Lee rocks. He rocks so much, he gets another season, after surviving the switch to Thursday midway through the season.

The Office, 9:30 pm, NBC - Hi-larious. Another season for the gang at the office, who survived the move along with Earl.

Supernatural, 9:00 pm, WB - I had to watch this show's whole season on tape delay, since there was always something else I wanted to watch during it's slot. Hopefully, it'll get another season, because this one ended with a gigantic cliffhanger, and absolutely nothing was resolved. CW execs, I swear to god, if you don't pick up this show and VM in the fall, I will...well, I won't watch your network. And if I see you walking down the street, I'll spit in your eye.

Justice League Unlimited deserves a special mention here. While I never watched a single new episode on TV, I discovered it on DVD, and it's fantastic. Unfortunately, it's also over, since apparently DC is concerned with their continuity, and their big two franchises, Bats and Supes (except in the case of Smallville, or that FOX kids show, The Batman, or pretty much anywhere else except for JLU). So a great show gets the axe, whereas a mediocre show and an absolute shit show get to live on for eternity.

One more thing, remember this post? I don't think Sony will have a production shortage (they're planning on shipping 2 million consoles by the end of the year), in fact, I think they're going to have a huge surplus. PS3's will be sitting on store shelves this Christmas. That #3 is important, because that's what position Sony will be in the console war. Wait and see.

PS3: It's new, it's shiny, it costs a shit-ton

So Sony announced the North American launch date and pricing for the PS3 today. It'll hit on November 17 this year (contrary to my prediction of next year, but it's not like anyone you or I know will actually have a PS3 in 2006 anyway), and will come in two flavors, a 20 GB HD version and a 60GB HD version (even though Sony had previously said they weren't going to have two price points like Microsoft did). Oh, and did I mention the price? Yeah, it's $500 for the "core" system, and $600 for the "platinum" system.

Holy shit, I think the PS3 is going to be DOA in the US. It'll sell as many units as they can make in Japan, because Japanese people are just that nuts, but US consumers are not going to shell out that much bank for a fucking game console. Especially since just like the core version of the 360, the cheaper PS3 is going to be missing key features.

The only semi-good thing about all this is the controller. Sony ditched that fucked up batarang/banana/dildo looking piece of shit, and went old school. In fact, that's the same design as the DualShock and DualShock 2, except for a few key differences. 1: It's wireless. There's USB connectivity for charging, or for use with a PC. 2: The R2/L2 buttons now have more travel, and act more like triggers. 3: There's no more shock. Sony instead opted to have a motion sensor with "6 axis of movement." So here we have a controller that is pretty much exactly the same as Sony's 2 previous controllers, except it's wireless/USB with a play and charge kit like the 360, has Xbox-like triggers, and a motion sensor like the Wii Happy Fun Time (except not as good). Way to innovate, Sony.

Personally, I like Microsoft's reaction to Sony's press conference. I had heard hype about Sony's response to Xbox Live, and apparently what they talked about today was a "vague" online strategy. Which is all I'd really expect. Microsoft has had 5 years and two platforms to perfect Live, and it's pretty damn good. Sony can't expect to jump right in and try to compete. And the $200 price delta is nothing to scoff at. That's a lot, and I fully expect it to get even larger, since Microsoft would be silly to not cut the price of the 360 by at least 50, if not 100 bucks on November 17. Or perhaps throw in a game with the bundle. Perhaps a small, niche title like Halo 3?

How can Sony possibly justify that price? Is it the Blu-Ray? I don't think so. The DVD player functionality moved PS2s because DVD was already an established format, and people could pick up a PS2 for 300 bucks, or a stand-alone DVD player for 250. So they bought the PS2. But Blu-Ray isn't an established format, and it's going to be fighting a war with HD-DVD (which Microsoft has thrown their hat in with). Even if Blu-Ray is the clear winner, it doesn't mean people are going to buy a PS3 in order to have a Blu-Ray player, especially at that price.

Maybe Sony has a killer list of apps? That's gotta be it. Let's see here, there's MGS 4. That's an exclusive. Final Fantasy 13, if anyone cares. A new Sonic the Hedgehog game, but that's multi-platform. Project Offset is an interesting indie game, but that's multi-platform, too. Elveon caught my eye, and that's exclusive. A new Gran Turismo game, but again, who cares. Then there's Rainbow Six: Vegas, UT2k7, and John Woo's Stranglehold, but those are all mutli-platform. What does the 360 have on the horizon? Let's see, there's Chromehounds, Prey, Halo 3, Gears of War, BioShock, Too Human, Mass Effect, Huxley, Saint's Row, and Forza Motorsport 2. All exclusive to the 360 (and in some cases, PC). There's also Superman Returns, Hitman: Blood Money, and Splinter Cell: Double Agent, which will probably end up being multi-platform, but they haven't been announced for PS3 yet. So the games aren't really in Sony's corner, at least not right now.

Wow, so we're looking at a $600 piece of shit. Bravo, Sony. I salute you.

So...why should I buy it, exactly?

The RIAA sucks. In their misguided, bullshit war on piracy, they've managed to piss off just about everyone, included the loyal music buyers (like myself) who still buy just as many CDs as they used to, before the advent of file sharing. Well, they just lost me. And it wasn't even something they did to me directly. Let me tell you why.

My dad bought a new CD. It doesn't matter who the artist is or what album it is, because I bet shit like this is going to keep happening. Anyway, he was upset that it wasn't playing on his portable CD player, so he asked me to see if I could figure it out.

This CD is a flipper, with a CD side and a DVD side. I'd seen discs like it before, and was struck by the ingenuity that the RIAA was using in it's effort to combat piracy. Have the album on one side, and extra content like videos, studio sessions, or live concerts on the other. That way, if you pirate the audio, you're not getting all the extra shit. Ingenious.

I explained to my dad that he was trying to play the DVD side, and he should just flip it over to play the music. He did so, and it still refused to play. Hmm. Ok, I suggested we try it on the computer. If nothing else, he could rip the songs and then reburn it to play it on his portable.

Just one problem: it wouldn't play on the computer, either. The drive failed to recognize there was even a CD present. I tried flipping it over, and the DVD booted right up. That's fantastic, but how the hell am I supposed to play the audio portion, and just the audio? So I checked the CD case. There's a handy table that has "CD * side" and "DVD side" on the back. Under "CD * side" it says, "Audio tracks." On the "DVD side" table heading, it said, "Audio in surround sound, music videos, and outtakes." I wanted to know what the hell that asterisk meant, so I found a line at the bottom that read, "* The audio data on the CD side is not in a standard CD audio format, so some CD players may not be able to play it."

What the fuck? Not in a standard CD audio format? It's fucking CD audio, for chrissakes, how can it not be in a standard format? Let me get this straight: We've got a CD, that my dad paid for like the good consumer that he is, and you're telling me that he can't fucking play it in his goddamn CD player? You expect me to play it in the DVD player so I can get it in "surround" sound? Fuck you! I'm the goddamn end-user, not you. I decide how the fuck I want to play my music, not you. I don't use my fucking DVD player to listen to music, and I don't know anyone who does.

More importantly, I know why the RIAA is pulling shit like this, because they have a raging hard-on for stopping piracy. But let me give you a clue, RIAA: you don't treat your customers like criminals, or they'll start acting like it. Fuck you, RIAA. I will never, ever, buy another fucking CD ever again. You all can take your anti-piracy hard-on and shove it straight up your collective asses.

Ad-semen. That's right, I said it.

You know what chaps my ass? (that's an oldie but goodie, right there) Websites with fucking flash ads or whatever the hell it is where the ad pops up over the page content, and you can't make it go away until it's done with it's bullshit. Now, I'm so desensitized to banner ads and shit that I don't even notice them anymore. But popping an ad up over your content? Isn't that counter-productive?

Let's think about this. You have a website. Websites cost money to host, and if you have other people creating content, it costs money to have them on staff. So you allow space for advertisers to pitch their product. That's all well and good. But why in the blue hell would you allow an advertiser to splash their shit all over your content? Joe Websurfer doesn't come to any particular website just for the ads. I mean, shit, do people watch a particular TV program just for the ads?

Wait, maybe that's a bad example. I know some people that are more interested in the Super Bowl ads than the game itself. Shit.

Even so, I don't think people visit any given website for the ads. Period. So we come back to my question: why would any webmaster let advertisers shoot their ad-semen all over their content? Because as a websurfer, if I see that shit, not only am I going to leave the site immediately and get that content somewhere else, but I'll probably never come back. So both the webmaster and the advertiser get fucked.

Of course, as with a lot of other things, maybe I'm the only one that feels this way.

Entirely new levels of radness

That's what my monitor has shown me. Levels of radness that I had no idea were even possible. Untapped potential radness. Radness that, until now, had been unreachable. Well, I've seen the mountain-top, folks. And it is rad.

First off, no dead pixels. Or at least, no dead pixels that I can see. And on a screen with over 2.3 million pixels, I'm not sure I would even notice if one or two were dead.

The first thing I did with it, believe it or not, was surf the web. And guess what: it's too big to surf the web in fullscreen, I've gotta go windowed. Not that that's a bad thing. Hell, I could have two browser windows open side by side with no overlap. That's some hot shit.

Then I popped in some Oblivion and rocked it 1080i style for a bit. Gaming in widescreen is totally not disappointing, I must say. Especially when I can play from across the room with my wireless controller.

I followed that up with a DVD of Forbidden Planet, which I'd never seen. Good flick, and surprisingly well done special effects, especially for 1956. Plus, Leslie Nielson in the type of dramatic part that he used to do all the time until Airplane! and Robby the Robot in his very first role. Robby had the funniest line I've ever heard a robot deliver: "Sorry miss, I was giving myself an oil-job."

I've since played my other X360 games, which all look great, and a handful of other DVDs (movies, TV, porn). This monitor gets two big thumbs up from me. Best thousand bucks I ever spent.

You say you want a revolution, well you know...

Wii all want to change the world! (with apologies to the Beatles)

Or rather, Nintendo does with it's brilliant marketing team who managed to convince them that "Wii" is a good name for a console. I just read about this, and my first thought was "How the fuck do you even pronounce that?" Is it like "Why" as in "Why the hell is Nintendo changing the name of it's new console from something great like Revolution to something shitty like Wii?" Or is it like "Whee" as in "Look at us, we're Nintendo, we make great games but know exactly fuck-all about marketing hardware, wheeeeeeee!"

According to their website, it's like "We" as in "We like to play games" or some shit. Frankly, Nintendo, I had some high hopes for you this round of console wars, but after this shitty name change, and some of the other decisions you've made recently, I think you're done. Nintendo will go the way of Sega, and personally, that's fine with me. Nintendo's really all about the games anyway, so I don't care if I have to play them on my next-gen Xbox or Playstation, as long as I get to play them. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

I love new stuff

Remember those speakers I posted about a while ago? And how I couldn't wait to hook up my 360 with them, and now that I have, I'm friggin' loving it? Well, I've been saving up to get a new PC at the end of the year/beginning of next year, and I was already half way there. I had been waffling on whether or not I should get a cinema display to go along with the new PC and of course, the 360 (since I hooked that up to my PC monitor, along with the speakers).

So I was perusing Newegg, just to see what was out there, and I saw this. The first thing I noticed is that it was a good 350 bucks cheaper than the 23" Apple cinema display, which is obviously top of the line and very stylish. But the 100% positive reviews for the HP model blew me away. I knew then I had to have one.

It should arrive on Friday. I'll be sure to let you know how awesome 360 games, PC games, and DVDs look on it. Shit, man, once I get my new PC with a TV tuner card, I'm not even gonna use my TV anymore.

Of course, this means I have to start saving for my new PC all over again, but no biggie. I'm got my Xbox to keep me company this winter.

EDIT: Almost forgot. I rented Fight Night. For all the problems, it's still a lot of fun. It looks great, too. Justin and I were trading off with our created boxers in career mode, until he got to an UnderArmor sponsored title fight that he claimed was fixed. I didn't really believe him until I tried that fight in my career, and I couldn't win either. Bullshit! Maybe the fight was fixed, maybe it's just that fight that the game decides to change the rules so we should have changed our strategies. I doesn't matter what the reason is, after I lost, I turned the Xbox off and said I was done with the game. I haven't picked it back up since, and I probably won't before it goes back to the video store. Bill Harris just wrote a post today about his lack of patience with bullshit like that, and I agree with him. Anytime I stop having fun with a game, I stop playing it. There are too damn many other choices out there to choose to wade through bullshit.

Tomb Raider: Legend

You might notice another icon over there on my gamer card. Ms. Croft and I were just recently formally introduced. Unlike the hoardes of other red-blooded American males, I never found the buxom heroine enticing enough to pick up one of the Tomb Raider games and play it before. But then the 360 came along, with it's downloadable demos, so I figured I'd give the latest Tomb Raider offering a try.

As it turns out, the demo was half of the first level in the game, and damn was it bad-ass. Puzzle-solving, platform-jumping, and blowing people away in style. Plus, the environment was gorgeous.

So I rented the full game from Blockbuster today, and after playing for a few hours and finishing three levels, I think it's safe to say that this game is awesome. Probably not worth a purchase, since it looks like there are only 7 levels, so I should be able to finish it by tomorrow. Then there's a time-trial mode, which might be fun, but other than that, once I'm done with a game, I'm done with it. I'm not going to play back through it to collect all the hidden shit, unless it's something like GTA, where doing the side missions actually enhance the gameplay experience. I'll have to check a walkthrough once I'm done and see if any of the hidden stuff unlocks anything cool, or if it's just concept art and 3D models.

As I said, I won't be buying Tomb Raider: Legend, but it was definitely worth the rental. It really is a great game, it just doesn't seem like there's enough of it. I'll certainly be waiting for the next entry into the franchise.

Two More Things

I discovered this a few days ago, and it's hi-larious. Let's Ask a Ninja!

And Virtual Firefly is back with the start of Season 2. Awesomeness all around!

On a personal note, I lost my voice today. This is the first time this has ever happened to me, and I'll be damned if it isn't one of the strangest things I've ever experienced. I'd like to say something, but my vocal cords won't allow it. Whee!

Various Things

It's been awhile since I've made a post, and a couple of things have happened worth blogging about.

First, you may notice I put up my Xbox Live Gamer Card over there. It's pretty self-explanatory, except for the game icons. The "pi" looking symbol there is for Oblivion, which I've already talked about. Not a bad RPG, and worth the money, I'd say.

The "PGR" is for Project Gotham Racing 3, which I didn't think about buying until I noticed it was on sale for 38 bucks. I enjoyed PGR 2, so I decided to pick it up. Not dissappointing. The single player tournaments are a blink and you'll miss them kind of deal, but I think the real draw of the game is the online racing. When you go online, you're given a "TrueSkill" rating that is based on how many races you've had, how many wins you have, and how those wins stack up against the TrueSkill of your opponents. Beat someone with a higher rating, your rating rises quickly. Beat someone of the same or lesser rating, your rating goes up just a little. So far, I've participated in about 10 online races, and have either 3 or 4 overall wins (first-place finishes). I'm number 7 hundred something in Rank 96, which means of all the PGR3 players online, I'm behind the 96,700th guy, but ahead of the 96,800th guy. So I've got some work to do.

The skull icon is for Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter. Of all the games, I've logged the least time with this one, but man is it awesome. The single player campaign is virtually seamless. Even though there are specific missions, the game leads you through them one after the other, so unless something changes later on, the whole campaign takes place in one day. If I had no self control, I could have easily kept on playing from when I first booted it up until I finished it. I haven't checked it out online yet, but I bet that's sweet, too.

Oh, and if anyone reading this has a 360 and PGR3 or GRAW, hit me with a friend request, cause I don't have any yet. :sad panda:

It was my birthday last Wednesday, so that was cool, but I had to work, and I'm still recovering from the flu I caught last weekend, so that sucks ass.

I heard talk (and that's all it is for another three weeks, talk) today that the Raiders could end up in a position to take Vince Young with the number 7 pick, or they could move up to take him. If that happens, and I surely hope it does, the Raiders are going to be a serious contender next year.

Finished watching the first season of Justice League on DVD. What a great show. I can't wait for the second season set, which is coming out later this year, I think. There's also going to be Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, The Tick, and Darkwing Duck this year. Hot shit!

Finally, I spotted a link to this story on Bill's blog. Wow.

Sweet

Guess what arrived today? My X360, that's what. It was waiting for me when I got off work, so I set that badboy up and got to playing some Oblivion (that had been sitting on my shelf for 2 weeks, waiting to be played). It's so much more fun playing Oblivion with no lag due to an aging video card.

Ghost Recon hasn't arrived yet, in fact, it just shipped today. I can't wait for that, though, especially online. I activated my free one month Xbox Live Gold subscription today, so once I get GR, it's time to own people online in the face. I also need to pick up a copy of Fight Night Round 3, so Justin and I can beat the shit out of each other in stunning HD. That should be fun.

Oh, and the wireless controller? Kick ass. I thought the S controller was one of the best controller designs ever, but the 360 controller has it beat. It's got the same design as far as the analog sticks, D-pad, and four buttons go, but the back and start buttons are moved up to the center (where any old school gamer know they should be. Remember Select and Start on the old NES pad? Of course you do), and the black and white buttons have been eliminated. Instead, there are two additional shoulder buttons (called "bumpers") in addition to the standard triggers. The size is perfect, it fits nicely in my hands, and it isn't too heavy or too light (even with two AA batteries). Kudos, Microsoft.

This just in: Barry Bonds is a douchebag

Ok, so maybe this news isn't exactly hot off the presses, but Barry Bonds finally decided to sue the authors of Game of Shadows. That's right, lay the legal smackdown with that big-ass libel suit, Barry.

Oh wait, he's not suing for libel. He's suing because he claims the authors "illegally obtained grand jury testimony."

In other words, Barry's not denying shit. Instead, he's trying to make the book go away on a technicality. Way to prove your innocence, Barry.

And now Bud Selig has promised a full investigation into Bonds and others. I call bullshit on that, for the reasons I stated in my earlier post about this steroid fiasco. The only thing Bud would even consider doing is putting asterisks next to everyone's records during the "Steroid Era" but letting the records stand. And that, frankly, is insulting. It's insulting to the memories of baseball greats like Roger Maris and Babe Ruth, and a slap in the face to Willie Mays, and the greatest slugger of all time, Hammerin' Hank Aaron. As a fan, scratch that, former fan, of baseball, it fucking disgusts me.

More Oblivion Impressions

Played some more Oblivion over the weekend, and here's what I've discovered, both good and bad.

The good:

The world is huge. I'm really not the explorer type, as I'd rather be doing something than wandering around, but when I do get the chance to wander around, it's very cool. The developers could have taken the easy way out and populated the world with flat terrain, boring landmarks, and a few bits of foliage reused again and again. But they didn't. The terrain is incredibly varied from area to area, there are different types of trees and plants (the latter of which you can harvest and create all sorts of different potions with), and wild deer, boar, and other animals. The architecture inside cities is just amazing, too. The capital is the most spectacular, because it's obviously the richest city, but there are wonders to marvel at in other cities, too.

Quests are fun. Especially the guild quests. I'm a member of both the thieves guild and the assassin's guild, and both have provided me with excellent opportunities to wreak havoc. Stealing stuff? Killing people? And getting away with it? Brilliant.

It's an old school RPG. Epic. Spell-slinging and sword-slashing. Save the kingdom, all that good stuff.

The bad:

When you play within the game's rules, you can have a lot of fun. But those rules don't necessarily make sense. For example, I get a mission from the thieves guild to steal some wizard's staff. I do the deed, and realize that's one damn expensive staff. The guild just wanted it stolen to teach the guards a lesson, though, so I figure they don't need it, I'll just fence it and walk away with the cash. But wait: "You cannot remove quest items from your inventory." Who says? The game? I'm not playing a game, my name is Victor Jarvis, and I'm a no-good, filthy thief who looks out for number one. If I can steal it, I should be able to sell it, period.

The leveling system sucks ass. I don't even know why they have a level system, really. It's skill-based, levels are just unnecessarily tacked on. Whenever your skills increase so many times, you gain a level. And rather than have the NPCs and enemies in the game have a set level, they scale to you. The trouble with that is that if you have a skill you use a lot, but doesn't necessarily make you a better fighter (like sneaking), you'll gain levels too quickly and get your ass kicked in most fights. There's an arena in the capital city where you can fight, but due to the level scaling, I'm stuck at the second tier of fighters. I'm level 4, but my combat skills are still around level 1, and I'm fighting combatants who are level 3, 4 or higher with combat skills to match. Can't be done.

Psychic guards. This is part of the "radiant AI" that was so hyped, but really turned out to be bullshit. The guards are so sensitive as to know if you attack or kill someone inside their own house, with no one else around. Apparently, the mark "calls out" and the guards hear it from more than 100 feet away, and come running to arrest you. And god help you if you have stolen property on your person, because the guards always know what you've stolen, whether anyone saw you take it or not. Merchants can somehow sense hot property, too, and they won't buy it. You can only sell stolen goods to a fence, if you're a member of the thieves guild. How do the merchants and guards know what's stolen and what isn't? How the hell should I know? Maybe everyone in Oblivion writes their full name, date of birth, and address on every single piece of their property in indelible ink. Or maybe the developers decided radiant AI was too hard to code, and just made it cheating AI.

So there you have it. Is Oblivion fun? Definitely. Is it a good game? Yes. Does it belong on my Top 10 RPGs list? Possibly. Is it one of the best games of all time? I don't think so.

From what I've seen, the modding community is already hard at work on fixing shit that's severely broken, like the psychic guards and merchants, and the leveling system. And that's great. I just wish Bethesda had fixed that shit before they released the game.

Geek Heaven

Oh my god, I might go into a coma with so much good stuff today.

First, DVDs. South Park Season 7, Batman Beyond Season 1, Justice League Season 1, and Mind of Mencia Season 1. I'm not that into South Park anymore, but a lot of people are, so that's just icing. I picked up JLA and Mind of Mencia, thought seriously about Batman Beyond, but decided against it for now. I'm still only partway through the four sets of Batman: TAS I've got.

Second, games. Or rather, The game. The game that fanboys have been waiting for, since, oh, since the last one came out. I'm talking about Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion for X360 and PC. I preordered the X360 version last week, but since I won't have an X360 to play it on until at least April 7, I'm unable to give you any info about that.

But, since Justin was so kind enough to drop by with a newly purchased copy of Oblivion for the PC, I got to check it out. And hot damn. The intro dungeon/sewer level was not that impressive, just rats and goblins and annoying NPC guards. It's basically the tutorial for how to play the game, and allows you to make decisions about what you want your character to be. Once I stepped outside, though, holy shit.

This is one of only a handful of games where you can look out at the world, and actually see the world. See that mountain over there? It's not just background, you can climb it. Over to your right, see those guard towers? They're in a city that you can go to, and sneak up into the towers and look out of them. Off the edge of that cliff, were you to survive the fall (or just carefully pick your way down), you could walk around in the valley below.

Having played for about 4 hours, and screwing around for 2 and a half of them (playing hunter with my bow on some deer, breaking into people's homes, taking their expensive wine and drinking their beer, knocking stuff off of important NPC's tables and shelves, stealing a horse and riding it to death, and killing innocent people when no one's looking), I haven't seen much of the actual game, and I'm still first level.

I'll have more on Oblivion when I get to play it again. For now, I think it's time to kick back and watch some Justice League.

Wish I'd known about this 3 weeks ago

After all the bullshit looking for an Xbox I talked about in the last post, I decided to check in with the Xbox 360 tracker one more time. There's a whole shitload of online stores there, and most of them are out of stock at any given point in time. But I thought perhaps one of them might be taking orders, and then shipping them as they got them in.

And whaddya know? CompUSA was accepting orders, for bundles. But this was no shitty bundle, no, you can customize your bundle. First, you pick the base console. Well, no choice there, Premium all the way. Then, you choose a second controller. Again, no real choice there, gotta go with wireless. Then, you choose a game. I thought this was going to be the dealbreaker. But no, they list games other than the shitty launch titles. Specifically, they list Ghost Recon and Fight Night Round 3. So I chose Ghost Recon, because everyone's raving about it, and I figure I can pick up Fight Night used at Blockbuster in a few weeks. They suggest you take a Live accessory, too, and I almost threw in the 12 month Gold card, but that can wait. Finally, you choose an accessory. Since the Premium system comes complete with a wireless controller and play and charge kit, and I had already chosen a second wireless controller, I threw in a second play and charge kit.

I filled out my info, and got to the subtotal page. Free shipping, that's a plus. And it says "Your order will ship no later than Friday, April 7." Well hot shit! So not only do I get me a Premium system, complete with all the accessories I wanted and a quality game, but I get it only a week later than EBGameStopWare Etc. was going to get them, and I don't even have to put any money down or pay for shipping. Fucking A. I love the internet.

Xbox Update

So I went to the bank today, cause I got paid on Friday, and with my fat wad of cash, went happily off to Gamestop to reserve my Xbox for April 1.

Just one problem.

"We're not taking reservations anymore, it was just a small shipment."

Ok, we'll try Software Etc.

Same story.

What the fuck? Here I am, with my $400 and some dollars in hand (gotta figure for tax), ready to buy Microsoft's fucking product, and nowhere to spend it. They've got retailers online jacking the shit out of the price (sure, I can get a 360 Premium system from a reputable retailer...for $600), bundling it with shitty games no one wants, and resellers on eBay charging premiums of $100 or more, and ripping off buyers even more with inflated shipping prices. Plus, on eBay, you have to use Paypal, which sucks fat cock. I cancelled my Paypal account because I hate those Paypal fuckers.

So what are you going to do about folks like me, Microsoft? I want your product, and you have no way to get it to me. I doubt I'm alone in this. I refuse to believe there are that many people out there willing to pay outrageous premiums or settle for a Core system when the only real choice is Premium. More importantly, how the hell are the resellers on eBay getting their hands on systems? Who's fucking cock do I have to suck to get a goddamn Xbox?

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck the eBay gougers, fuck the online bundle-bastards, fuck the reserve list cock-smokers, and fuck the 360. I'm done. When there's a shitload of consoles on every single electronics store shelf across the country, and I don't have to play "find the X360" online or over the phone, then I might pick one up. Until then, I've got better things to spend my hard earned gaming dollars on. Shit I can actually see and buy today, not this smoke and mirror bullshit.

What's wrong with this picture?

Take a visit to this site. Notice anything out of the ordinary? I sure as hell do.

It's not that only a handful of stores have X360s in stock. That's actually a big jump from only 2 months ago, when none of the stores ever had X360s in stock.

It's that all the stock is bundles, and mostly core systems. Look, the core system is useless. I understand that Microsoft wanted to hit the $300 price point, that was important. A lot of parents are buying consoles for their children, and they don't bother to look at the real differences between the Core and the Premium system, they just know the Core is more affordable, so they get that one. It's a brilliant marketing move. But why is Microsoft shipping more Cores than Premium systems?

Out of 9 systems in stock at that site as of this writing, only 4 of them are premium systems. Looking at the history at the bottom of the page, 15 systems are listed, only 5 are premium.

Hasn't the demand for Core systems been satisfied? Or at least lessened to the point where you would obviously be satisfying more customers if you shipped a few more Premium systems?

Case in point, I called all of my local area stores this morning (even the ones in surrounding cities), and after a half-hour of phone calls, only one store had exactly one X360 in stock. And it was a Core.

Nobody wants the fucking Core, Microsoft! Your quality apps are finally starting to hit, and you're still shipping bullshit! And why are you allowing these stores to force customers into buying bundles with shitty launch title games? You'd move a lot more systems if the stores were actually selling systems, and not fucking overpriced bundles with shit people don't want, and don't need. It's a good damn thing the PS3 isn't hitting this Spring, because you're making a fucking mess of the X360 launch, Microsoft.

On the bright side, my local Gamestop/EB Games/Software Etc. monopoly store is taking reservations for an April 1 shipment of Premium systems. I'm going to reserve me an X360, and have my copy of Oblivion ready and waiting (March 21, glee).

Game of Shadows

If you follow sports at all (or even if you don't, if you happened to glance at ESPN, or Yahoo Sports, or the front page of the newspaper, or really any media outlet) you'd know that a book called "Game of Shadows" was recently announced that has some pretty damning allegations about Barry Bonds' steroid use. Here's what Barry had to say.

"I won't even look at it. For what? There's no need to. Everything they say in it is true."

Ok, so I added that last sentence. But come on, Barry. If it isn't true, wouldn't you at least want to look at it? Wouldn't you want to know what they said before leveling a huge libel suit at them? Wouldn't you want to be able to pick apart every allegation in detail, going through the list and denying each charge under media scrutiny? We know you don't like the media, but you've gotta protect yourself from this bullshit, right?

Unless every word of it is true. Then you can't deny it, because you'd be a liar. You can't sue, because you'd lose. You can't do anything but ignore it with a flippant remark as if it didn't exist, and refuse further comment. You can't do anything because you're already ruined in the court of public opinion. You cheated, Barry. And cheaters don't deserve their own reality show. They don't deserve to play Major League Baseball. They don't deserve to be the all-time season home run leader. They don't deserve to be #3 on the all-time career home runs list. And they sure as hell don't deserve to be considered for the Hall of Fame.

Roger Maris' single season home run record should be reinstated (because McGwire and Sosa cheated, too). Bonds should be removed from the all-time career home run list (as should McGwire, Sosa, and Rafael Palmeiro). And Bonds should not only be benched for the rest of his career, he should be banned from entry into the Hall of Fame forever. That's what the MLB Commissioner should do.

But he won't. No, Bud Selig cares too much about the future of baseball (that is, the financial future of baseball) to lay down such a judgement. Hell, the home run race between McGwire and Sosa, and then Bonds' run brought the people back to the parks. They forgot about that silly strike because the players were hitting the long ball! Who gives a shit if they cheated?

I give a shit. Bonds used to be my favorite player; I'd squeal with glee whenever he bashed another one out of the park. No more. Bonds? The Giants? Baseball? Who gives a shit.

Geek Shelves

Inspired by a thread on SDN, I decided to bust out my digicam and snap some pics of my geek shelves. I couldn't get closeups that showed the full shelf, so I did some quick editing/combining in Photoshop. You can click on each pic for the full size version.



This is the main shelf on the wall above my computer desk. Here's a rundown from left to right. Top shelf: cheesy sword bookend, Die Hard Trilogy, The Last Boyscout, Striking Distance, Last Man Standing, The Fifth Element, The Sixth Sense, The Whole Nine Yards, Pulp Fiction, Clerks and Clerks X, Mallrats and Mallrats 10th Anniversary, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Drawing Flies, A Better Place, Stealing Harvard, Kissing a Fool, A Guy Thing, Batman Begins, Spider-Man 1 and 2, The Incredibles, X-Men 1 and 2, The Hulk, Daredevil, Hellboy, Punisher, The Matrix, Showgirls, Gia, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Happy Gilmore, Spaceballs, and my A.A. Stagg High Delta Kings commemorative stein, Class of 2000.
Middle shelf: tassel from University of the Pacific, Class of 2004, Clerks/Chasing Amy - Two Screenplays by Kevin Smith, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 1-7, Angel Season 1-5, Playboy Playmate DVD Calendar Collection - The 90's, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Vol. 1 and 2, South Park Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, South Park Season 1-3, Family Guy Vol. 1 and 2, Greg the Bunny, Reno 911! Season 1, and Spike, Mike, Slackers and Dykes by John Pierson.
Bottom shelf: big binder filled with PC games, little binders filled with porn, PC games Space Rangers 2 (I wrote Space Empires 2 the first time, hehe) and Battlefield 2, backup copies of Firefly (ho man, if I didn't have these I'd go crazy, tell you why later), Rambo Collector's Pack, Chappelle's Show Season 1 and 2, Starsky and Hutch, The Big Lebowski, The Terminator, T2, Terminator 3, Ronin, A Fistful of Dollars, Dirty Harry, The Wild Bunch, and El Mariachi/Desperado Collector's Box.



Then we have the media shelf I got recently because my wall shelves were overflowing. The shelves are staggered, but I'll treat each set of shelves as one continuous shelf. Top shelf: Lego Star Destroyer, Lego Millenium Falcon, Lego Y-wing, PS2 games Onimusha, SSX, Maximo, Metal Gear Solid 2, Devil May Cry, Midnight Club, Gran Turismo 3, Kengo Master of Bushido, Grand Theft Auto 3, GTA Vice City, GTA San Andreas, WWE Smackdown Just Bring It, Smackdown Shut Your Mouth, and Smackdown Here Comes the Pain.
Second shelf: PS2 games Mark of Kri, Jak and Daxter, Jak II, Jak 3, Kingdom Hearts, and Guitar Hero, Xbox games Halo, MGS2 Substance, Dead to Rights, Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb, Max Payne, Max Payne 2, Hitman 2, Manhunt, Sega GT 2002/Jet Set Radio Future, Blitz the League, and Crimson Skies, Gamecube games Resident Evil, WWE Wrestlemania X8, Madden 2002, Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes, Star Fox Adventures, Pikmin, Super Smash Bros Melee, Metroid Prime, Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, and Legend of Zelda Wind Waker.
Third shelf: Batman the Animated Series Vol 1-4, Superman the Animated Series Vol 1 and 2, Teen Titans Season 1, bootlegged Spider-Man the Animated Series Complete, bootlegged The Tick Complete Animated Series, bootlegged X-Men Complete Animated Series, Spawn the Ultimate Collection, Gargoyles Season 1, Star Wars Clone Wars Vol. 1 and 2, Star Wars Episode 1-3, shitty bootleg Star Wars Episode 4-6, and high-quality bootleg Star Wars Episode 4-6 in white sleeves.
Fourth shelf: Harry Potter 1-3, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Escape from New York, Pitch Black, Serenity (joy!), War of the Worlds (1953 version), Heavy Metal/Heavy Metal 2000 Box set, space for my Firefly Complete Series Box (currently on loan to my sister, who is taking for fucking ever to watch it), deodorant, case for my bling, and my alarm clock.
You can see a little bit of what's on the fifth shelf in this pic, but it's clearer in the next one.



Fifth shelf: Lego AT-AT, Lego Troop Carrier or some shit from Episode 3, Lego Droid Carrier or some shit from Episode 1, The Light Fantastic, Equal Rites, Mort, Sourcery, Reaper Man, Small Gods, Lords and Ladies, Men at Arms, Soul Music, and Feet of Clay all by Terry Pratchett.
Sixth shelf: Harry Potter 1-5 by J.K. Rowling, Irrational Exuberance by Robert J. Schiller, I, Robot by Isaac Asimov, Interesting Times, Maskerade, and Hogfather all by Terry Pratchett, and the Lord of the Rings Collection by J.R.R. Tolkien.
Seventh shelf: V for Vendetta by Alan Moore and David Lloyd, Fray by Joss Whedon, Tales of the Slayers and Tales of the Vampires by Joss Whedon et al, Seven Seasons of Buffy and Five Seasons of Angel edited by Glenn Yeffeth, Finding Serenity edited by Jane Espenson, The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, a spot for The Colour of Magic (which I'm currently re-reading), Wyrd Sisters, and Moving Pictures all by Terry Pratchett, The Sin City Collection 1-7 2nd Edition by Frank Miller, Jingo, The Last Continent, and Carpe Jugulum all by Terry Pratchett.

There you have it. I've got a drawer with porn in it, too, but that's not so much geeky as it is disconcerting to Christians, fundies, and repressed people everywhere.

Online gaming: Niche Market?

I'm not talking about MMOs, here, that's obviously not a niche market, but regular, run of the mill, online PC games. Whether it be a shooter, strategy, or RPG, isn't it usually more fun online, with other people? Maybe not with random people, who are usually dicks, but playing strategy games like Civ 4, or RPGs like NWN are way more fun with friends than with the single player game. Even non-online multiplayer, like over LAN, is more fun than single player in a lot of games.

But apparently, I'm in the minority of PC gamers. I've been having so much fun with Civ 4, I thought I might give Galactic Civilations II a try. Until I noticed that there's no multiplayer. Not even hotseat. WTF? So I checked a thread on the main site's board titled "Multiplayer in expansion." It was a user created poll asking if people wanted multiplayer to be added in an expansion. Out of 33 replies, about 3 people wanted online multiplayer, and 10 or 12 wanted LAN or hotseat multiplayer. The rest were adamantly against any sort of multiplayer.

What? Why? That doesn't make any sense to me. How can playing against the AI be more fun (after a certain point) than playing with other humans? And why would you prefer hotseat/LAN play when you could have internet play? Then you can play with your friends no matter where they are, and you don't have to lug your rig anywhere. How bad of a shut-in do you have to be where even online human interaction is a bit too invasive for you? Christ.

Sunday Night Already?

Damn, and it seemed like my weekend just got started. Oh well.

Something damn cool happened this weekend. I got to catch up a little via phone and IM with Josh Richardson, who I haven't seen in probably 5 years. What's more, I can now say I know someone who works in the comics industry. How many people can say that, huh?

So Josh has a blog of his own called In the Trenches, "A wartime journal from the frontlines of the comic industry." He's been writing this column since December of 2004. Unfortunately, it seems this incarnation of the blog only goes back to December of 2005. I wish I knew where the archives were hosted, because I got a look at the very first column and it's a damn interesting read.

Also, I love my speakers. I can't wait to get a 360 hooked up to these things and bust some faces in Knockout Kings...I mean Fight Night.

And Now...

It's time for a post where I pimp rad stuff because it rocks the house.

I recently purchased a set of these bad boys. Hot damn, these are some awesome speakers. I'd been subsisting on a shitty set of $30 Logitech speakers, that had been popping and cracking as of late. But THX certified? With a subwoofer that's bigger than my whole damn case? That's friggin sweet.

If you're interested in picking up a set, you can get them cheaper than $180, of course.

Also, Bill posted his first impressions of Fight Night, and now I want a copy. So as soon as my tax refund is transferred into my checking account, it's 360 time, bitches.

Fight Night

So the first reviews have hit for Fight Night Round 3, the only X360 game so far that I felt could actually be worth buying. Unfortunately, IGN says the AI is retarded, but it's a great game nonetheless. I find that hard to believe. The game could be stellar in every regard, but if the AI is broken, it's not a great game. It's not even a good game, and it certainly wouldn't be worthy of a purchase.

However, since I trust the word of, say, Bill Harris much more than I do any of the standard gaming sites, I'm waiting on his review. That will tell me if I should begin my search for a 360 in earnest, or wait until we're closer to the release of Oblivion.

Note to Self

Stick to the plan. Don't be gullible. Don't be persuaded by empty promises. Have a clear goal in mind. Carry through. Stick to the fucking plan.

It was supposed to be simple. Call up the credit card company, close the line of credit. After all, you have two other major credit cards (the only two that matter), who needs a third? Sure, you're carrying balances on those cards, but it's a low, fixed APR for the life of the balance. And the new purchase APR is also fixed, and quite low compared to what some people pay (especially those with bad credit, poor bastards). Call up, close the credit line.

But wait. I can't do that, sir, I have to transfer you to an account manager.

Translation: I need to transfer you to our pressure people who are only paid because they can convince people to stay.

Dammit. All I wanted to do was close the fucking credit line. So let's do it. But wait.

Are you carrying balances on other cards? Is it a lot of money? I can do a balance transfer for you. I can give you a great APR. Not good enough? How's 0% sound? We have to lock it in now. Oh, your existing credit line isn't big enough for the whole balance, but we can increase it. Too bad the system that does that is down for the night. How about we transfer part of it, request the increase tomorrow, and then transfer the rest?

Oh, great! I suppose that would work. I wouldn't be getting rid of a card I didn't need and don't use, ever, but I'd be saving money, and would have one less bill to pay every month. Go ahead and do it.

Thank you, sir, check back tomorrow for the credit line increase.

I check back the next day.

Ok, we'll just go through this application for a credit line increase, submit it, and have the results in 24 hours. Call back tomorrow.

I call back tonight.

I'm sorry, sir, it looks like the request was denied. But you have until April 25 to transfer balances at that low 0% rate.

FUCK! What the fuck happened to: We'll increase the credit line and get the rest of your balance transferred over? What happened to: If you submit the full application, we'll do a credit check and get your line increased? Did you check my credit? I doubt it, cause if you had, you'd have found out I've got a credit score of 822. My credit report is fucking rock solid, so you obviously didn't look at it. I haven't missed a goddamn payment on any fucking card in over 4 years. Four years. I've held your worthless card for 4 years, and haven't even used it in the past 2. Who the fuck are you to deny anything that I ask for?

We're glad you decided to stay with us, sir, we're actually one of the harder cards to get approved for.

Oh, really? So fucking what? I wipe my ass with your holier-than-thou attitude. I don't need your bullshit. As soon as one of my other, low-brow cards offers me a good rate on a balance transfer, you can go suck it. Then I'm cancelling your card, and will not be persuaded otherwise. Good day, sir.

EDIT: After not much thought, I decided to call up one of my less-cultured credit card companies and see what sort of balance transfer rate they'd offer me. What do you know? They'll do a 2% APR for life, with no credit line increase necessary, and no other catches, clauses, or hidden bullshit. You know what 2% APR is? That's jack shit, and close enough to 0 for me. Fuck you, you credit card snob assholes. I'm getting my balance back on the card that actually gives a shit about me, the customer, and not solely about their bottom line.

EDIT2: I had another line of credit (a simple charge account) that I wanted to close, so I called up their customer service line. Went through the IVR system, and got to: If you would like to close your account, press 1. I pressed 1. You have requested to close your account. To continue, press 1. I pressed 1. Your account has been closed. For written confirmation that your account has been closed, press 7. I pressed 7. Your confirmation letter will be sent within 7 days. Thank you, goodbye. Wam, bam, thank you, ma'am. How fucking hard is that? Jesus Christ, you don't have to make people jump through fucking hoops, and pressure them into balance transfers when they want to close their accounts, because you're just going to piss them off.

Who's in charge of these Nielsen boxes?

And why don't they give them to people who have brains? Or at least can tell the difference between good TV and shitty TV? Seriously.

Take a look at this.

From the top down, we've got reality show bullshit (I admit it, I used to watch American Idol. But after watching my favorite contestant get the shaft 3 years in a row, I'm done), crime drama bullshit, medical drama bullshit, horny housewife bullshit (I'd watch it if it was on cable), more medical drama bullshit, Olympic bullshit (seriously, who gives a fuck about the winter Olympics? Curling is not a sport, goddammit), more crime drama bullshit, more reality show bullshit (Dancing with the Stars? Who the hell is watching Dancing with the Stars and how did their brains even learn human speech?), more crime drama bullshit, and then Lost. Then there's just more bullshit to round out the top 20.

1 out of 20 is some bad odds. And I bet if that list was expanded to the top 50, or top 100, I don't think it would get better. So we come back to my original question. Why are these Nielsen media researchers handing out their boxes to fucking morons who can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground?

More Stuff

If you haven't been reading the Virtual Firefly episodes over at StillFlying.net, you're missing out. They're up to episode 1x20, with two more to go to finish off the first season. They'll be back in early Spring with Season 2. I, personally, can't wait, cause this stuff isn't run-of-the-mill shitty fanfiction, it's pretty damn good.

I've also got an update on the 360 release calendar. Those games I'd never heard of (The Darkness, Demonik, Dead Rising) all slipped to who knows where. Saint's Row slipped, too, to 6/1, but I think it will slip again, since that's clearly a "we don't know when this game's coming out" date. Splinter Cell Double Agent also slipped to the middle of the year. I don't know when exactly it will come out, but 2nd or 3rd quarter sounds right.

Surprisingly, there are many games that haven't slipped. Full Auto is still slated for Valentine's Day, with Fight Night Round 3 the next week. Burnout Revenge the first week of March, Oblivion on 3/20, it's looking good (finally) for the X360. I've also noticed that consoles are becoming much more available online and in stores, but I'm still waiting for the day when I can walk into Best Buy and grab one off the shelf, because that's how I plan to buy mine.

And in football news, I read today that for Monday Night Football on ESPN next year, the broadcast team will consist of Joe Theismann, Tony Kornheiser, and Mike Tirico. I think it's safe to assume that Tirico will be handling the play by play, Theismann is the analyst, and Kornheiser will be color. Sounds like a great team to me, and I'm already looking forward to next season (psst, I think the Raiders will finish a bit better than 4-12, especially if they have The Whiz at the helm).

Stuff

I picked the Super Bowl winner correctly, and that's something. I didn't even really watch it, just the second half. I think that's the first Super Bowl in a long time that I haven't watched. I mean, really watched, as a rabid fan. I just didn't care about the teams that were in it, positively or negatively. There's been a lot of talk about officiating, though. Alls I can say to that is: welcome to the club, Seattle.

The other reason I didn't catch the big game until the first half was over is because Civilization 4 had me held hostage. Damn, that's like the most addictive game ever. I didn't get into computing early enough to experience Civ 2 binges, but I hear that they were epic in scale. If you've got 40 bucks and a desire, nay, a need, to waste all your free time researching technology, settling new cities, and waging war, you should pick up Civ 4.

Finally, I just finished reading Fray, a damn fine graphic novel from the mind of Joss Whedon. Holy shit if it wasn't awesome. I want more, just like I want more Buffy, more Angel, more Firefly, and more everything Joss has ever done. Except for Alien 4. Did you know he also wrote the screenplay for Titan A.E.? I knew there was a reason that movie was more than just crappy, non-Disney animated shlock.