Rockstar Presents Table Tennis

When I first heard that Rockstar's next game was going to be Table Tennis, my reaction was along the lines of, "What the fuck?"

Then after it came out, I started to get excited. I thought, well, if they have the balls to release fucking Pong, for chrissakes, I should at least check it out.

So I did. I played it a little last night, and a lot today. The first thing I did was the training. Aced it. Lots of different stuff you can do, and I was doing it like a pro. Let's try a tournament, I said. Which tournament? Rookie, of course, it says it's "Medium" difficulty. Pah! I scoff at Medium difficulty, it's the fucking Rookie tournament, I can own.

No, I got owned. I got fucking shut out before I even realized what was going on. So I retreated back to the Amateur tourney, which is "Easy."

I won that tournament, but I wouldn't call it easy. I thought I had a handle on the character I had chosen, so today I decided to bring him to the Rookie tourney. And I was owned in the face once again In the course of two games, I scored maybe 3 points.

Well, shit. Ok, let's try a different character and try to hone my skills in "Easy" mode. So that's what I did, but I hit a brick wall at the Amateur champion. I must have called for a rematch 5 times. I still couldn't win. Hell, I couldn't even get close. I never won a game, let alone the match.

So yeah, Table Tennis. Maybe I'm just bad at it (doubtful. I've been a console gamer since I was 5. I grew up on "Nintendo-hard" games. Nintendo-hard I can handle, but poor control I can't. As an example, there were a number of points I missed because my Pong-er either didn't move, or didn't swing when I told them to.), or maybe Rockstar should stick to what they're good at.