Tuesday, August 29, 2006

More Things

I figure I should post this now, since I get my Xbox back tomorrow and won't be posting anything for a while. I'll be too busy gaming, you see.

First up, the Raiders signed Jeff George today. At first, I wondered why they'd do that. He hasn't played a game in half a decade, after all. But then I thought about it, and realized it makes sense. Art Shell has brought back the high-powered, long-ball offense that fits Aaron Brooks' and Jeff George's styles. Andrew Walter was impressive last year in preseason, and he's been even moreso this preseason. Obviously, he's the future prospect, Brooks is the starter, and George is the veteran backup. I suspect Marques Tuiasosopo will be released before the start of the regular season. There are certainly teams out there that could be upgraded by having Tui as a starter, I think. He just no longer fits into the Raiders style, and at 27, it's do or die time for him.

On the other side of the ball, I really like that the Raiders defense is young and fast, much like the Colts defense has been for the past couple of years. I'm not saying they're as good as the Colts are, but I think the Raiders could surprise a lot of teams this year. Especially if the sportswriters keep underestimating them (last in the AFC West again, they say). We'll see. I can't wait for Monday Night's opener against the Chargers.

Next, I saw Snakes on a Plane over the weekend. That was fun. Bad, but bad in a good way. Therefore, it wasn't the worst movie I've seen at the theatre this year. That title goes to Pirates 2. The more I think about that movie, the more I dislike it. I also dislike all the idiots spewing bullshit about how Pirates 2 is now in the Top 10 of the all time highest grossing movies. No, it isn't. In fact, it's just barely in the Top 50. Go ahead, call me a liar.

That's right, these assholes shouting from the rooftops that Pirates 2 is the fourth highest grossing film of all time, and how Titanic takes the cake are fucking wrong, and they're fucking idiots for using nominal data. If they want to talk about "all time" they need to realize that they're dealing with data over time. When that data is cash receipts in dollars, it has to be adjusted for inflation, or it's useless and meaningless. Using the real data, Pirates 2 ranks at #48. That's just shy of the Top 10, I'm afraid. Oh, and Titanic? #6. Sorry, Kate, Leo, and James. You lose to Gone With the Wind. In fact, every movie today and in the future will always lose to Gone With the Wind, which made almost $200 million in 1939. Domestic box office will never equal more than 1.3 billion dollars. That number will continue to increase with time, of course. Whoops, how's that taste, dipshits?

Finally, my niece started Kindergarten last week. Is it just me, or does time fucking fly? It seems like yesterday I was holding her in my arms at the hospital. Christ.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Xbox 360 Update

No updates on games, because I can't play them anyway. This is an update about the status of my console.

First off, I'd like to say that Microsoft has handled this problem very well. I've called them three times, and spoken with friendly and knowledgable reps that go by the book. I got no problem with that, or with them. Hell, I am one of those guys, so I can relate.

I've already detailed the experience of my first call, so I'll skip to my second call. I had already shipped my dead console in the cardboard waste receptacle the same day I received it: 8/17. At this point, I was still well within the 10 business day window that the inital rep had told me it would take from start to finish. So on 8/22, I wasn't really surprised to learn that my console had been delivered to the mortuary that very day. The rep informed me it would be repaired in the next day or so, and suggested I call back Thursday as there would definitely be a tracking number available by then for the return shipment.

Thursday came and went too fast for me to call. So I called today, and was given my tracking number. The rep informed me the package shipped 8/23 (nice), and it should be delivered on 8/29. This struck me as odd, but I wasn't at my computer to double check it, and didn't want to give the guy any shit. So I thanked him and hung up. Here's what I found when I checked the UPS tracker (click for a larger view):

Umm, huh. We'll start at the bottom. UPS received the billing information on 8/23/06. Which means Microsoft paid them for the shipment on Wednesday. But the package didn't actually go out until the next day. That's odd. It goes from the repair center in McAllen, TX (never heard of it, I'm guessing it's a small town), to San Antonio, then Houston.

That makes sense, Houston is huge, they have an airport, big shipping center and shit. But look at what happens in Houston on 8/25. "Out for Delivery?" What the fuck? Obviously, that's an error. So it departs Houston, presumably bound for Oakland or something like that.

But wait a moment, that would make too much sense. No no, my package arrived this morning in Louisville, KY. Louisville, Ken-fucking-tucky! It's been awhile since I had high school geography, but I think Kentucky is a bit to the goddamn east of Texas. Not to mention that the package sat in Kentucky for about 7 hours. I guess UPS used that time to have a circle jerk.

Now we reach the top, "Rescheduled Delivery: 8/29/06." No shit it's a rescheduled delivery, assholes, you fucked that up real good. Basically, if UPS hadn't been complete fucking morons, not only would I have received my Xbox back today, still within the 10 business day timeframe, but I could have played it this weekend. Now I have to wait until next Tuesday. Right here, UPS. Right fucking here.

Thursday, August 24, 2006


Just discovered a nifty little game called Uplink. I played the demo for about 45 minutes, and I'm so hooked. It's too damn late to get the full game tonight, but I'm getting it from Steam first thing tomorrow when I get home. For 20 bucks, they throw in Darwinia, too, which Bill Harris raved about. Rad!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

This Just In...

Nobody gives a shit about the murder of JonBenet Ramsey anymore.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Sunday, August 20, 2006


I didn't want to title this post "Stuff" so there you go.

It's now been...11 days since I had a working 360. I finally received the cardboard coffin last Thursday and shipped it off. I hope to have my box or one like it before it died back by Friday. That would be the 10th working day, which the tech suggested was the turnaround time. With my luck, I'll get the box back Wednesday or Thursday the week after. Oh well. I've been biding my time with DVDs, TV, and Civ 4. Ah, Civ 4, how I missed you. There's still only one good mod, but it blows all the other mods away, so it's not a problem.

I watched The Warriors today. The new DVD version, apparently. Not sure what was different, but it was a good flick. Definitely worth a rental, if you're into "guy" movies. Only one explosion, but a lot of fisticuffs. There was one chick with a see-through top, that was nice. One dude was a homophobe, even.

The Raiders are now 3-0 in the preseason, and laid a solid ass-kicking on the Forty-Whiners. Sure, it doesn't count yet, but I got to see a lot of Aaron Brooks, and he impressed me for the first time. Andrew Walter looks damn good, too, though. Luckily, there's still 2 games left before the start of the season to make a starting QB decision.

Finally, I caught the Roast of William Shatner tonight. High-larious. Favorite line? Shatner himself: "Andy Dick. What was that you were so good in? Ah yes, that's right, George Takei's mouth."

Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Hobbit

I was going to do a quickie review for this movie, but it's so bad I have to go into detail.

First of all, I read the book in high school, but I don't remember it being like that. The plot was of course similar, and there were certain events that I recall. But the quality was sub-par at best, and absolute shit at worst. Maybe the book was that bad, and I just don't remember because I didn't know what the fuck was good when I was 17. That's probably it. I'll go through it point by point, since I took notes while I watched. I wanted to make sure I could write about it later, just in case I blocked it out of my memory.

It was animated, which would have been fine if the animation was actually good. It wasn't.

The folksy bullshit music was god-awful. The lyrics described shit that was happening, and badly at that. Absolutely terrible; words can't communicate how bad the music was.

Whenever someone or something died, there was a ridiculous spinning animation, and then they disappeared. Apparently that's a less violent way of handling death, but it's a really fucking stupid way of handling death.

Early on, Gandalf showed Bilbo and the dwarves a map, and Bilbo reasoned it was showing a secret entrance. Gandalf blathered something about "knowing it when they knew," and reiterating that it was a secret. Then he handed the head dwarf a key. "Here's the key to the secret door." What the fuck?

The creators had a hard-on for magical swords. Elrond made a big fucking deal about "Orcrist the Goblin-Cleaver" and "Glamdring the Foe-Hammer." Later on, they ran into a group of goblins, who also had to make a big deal over them. "Oh no, that's Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer!" And Bilbo had to make a big fucking deal over naming his pussy dagger "Sting." Who gives a shit, seriously?

Gollum was even more annoying than in the live action films. I didn't think that was possible.

Smaug the dragon had spotlight eyes. His eyes shone big damn lights, like flashlight beams. I wish I was joking.

The king of the Wood Elves sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Again, I wish I was joking.

Talking animals. I know, suspension of disbelief, especially when we're dealing with goblins and trolls and shit, but it's not a fucking Disney movie. Disney movies are good.

I'm not sure if it was intended for television originally, but it seemed like there were clearly defined spots for commercial breaks. That was jarring.

"Bilbo Baggins, that is enough." Jesus H. Christ, what a flaming piece of shit that was. I almost turned it off. More than once, I stared at the screen slack-jawed. I smacked my forehead a couple of times in frustration. Even if you consider yourself a glutton for punishment, stay away from The Hobbit.

Finally, I usually try to be fair in my reviews, and even though this turd doesn't deserve it, there was one good thing about it. At 1 hour and 17 minutes, at least it was over quickly. Unlike Tolkien's self-important books and the self-important live-action movies based on them that take days to get through, The Hobbit ended before I began to seriously contemplate bashing my head against the corner of my desk.

TV on DVD Recommendations

This is something I haven't done in this blog yet, but I figure you gotta start somewhere. And since I watch a shitload of TV on DVD, why the hell not?

First up is a set I just picked up off my doorstep today, Animaniacs Volume 1. I remember watching the Animaniacs (and Tiny Toon Adventures, but they're not on DVD yet) after school when I was in the 6th grade. It was hilarious then, and it's hilarious now. Like any good animation, the Animaniacs have humor that both kids and adults can enjoy, and certain jokes are geared specifically towards the adults. Great stuff, and I can't wait to add future volumes to my collection.

Keeping with the animation, The Boondocks Season 1 Uncut and Uncensored is fantastic. I was a big fan of the comic strip until the asshats in my city bitched and got it pulled from the local paper. Then along comes the TV show on Adult Swim, and I fell in love all over again. The start of the second season was pushed back because the network upped the episode order, so there's still plenty of time to get caught up on the first season.

Finally, a show that I just recently got into and have a shitload of catching up to do, The Dead Zone. I rented the first season from Netflix and really enjoyed it. I've got 3 more seasons to get through on DVD, by which time the 5th season will probably be on DVD, so I could rent that one, too. I've gotta say, USA network makes some quality shows.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Two Quickies

Movie reviews, that is.

The Grapes of Wrath, not rated, starring Henry Fonda. A classic. Not bad. I must have read the book in high school, but I honestly don't remember it. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a rental.

Why We Fight, rated PG-13. A documentary that uses President Dwight D. Eisenhower's final address as a backdrop. Eisenhower warned against the military-industrial complex gaining too much power. 45 years later, this documentary shows that Eisenhower was all too right. Recommended viewing, even if you're not a leftist commie pinko.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

Tonight, I watched The Wizard of Oz for the first time (believe it or not). I thoroughly enjoyed it. But you don't need me to tell you it's a great movie, because you've already seen it and know this. I can't explain how I missed it. It should be required viewing for every kid. They show it all the time on TV. I just managed to miss it for 24 years.

Of course, I've heard all the references (the title of this post, "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too," "Oh Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore") and songs, but never actually saw the flick.

I didn't really dislike anything about it. Some of the effects were quaint, but most were very well done. The makeup was spectacular. I kept waiting for the Wheelers to show up, until I realized they were in that other movie that shall not be named. The running time was perfect, it never dragged and moved right along. I wish they hadn't made the Munchkins sound like Chipmunks, but according to IMDB, that was partially because most of the actors didn't speak English.

In short, The Wizard of Oz is frickin' great. Two thumbs up.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Oh Hell Yes

This is awesome news. And did I call it, or did I call it? The PDF document linked to in the article is also a fantastic read. Very interesting stuff in there about Marvel's previous projects, and of course, their upcoming projects, which just so happen to include The Avengers.

Friday, August 11, 2006

A Couple More Things

Oh, how I wish I could play Dead Rising. It sits there, on my shelf, calling out to me. It wants me to play it. I want to play it. But alas, I cannot. I so wish my Xbox worked.

Apparently I'm not the only one (besides the countless people on the net, but I don't know them) whose Xbox crapped out. I called a friend of mine yesterday when my box died to see if he knew anybody who did Xbox repair that he could recommend. He called me back today to let me know that he had just turned his 360 on and got the flashing red lights of death. Luckily, he's had it for less than 3 months, and probably never registered it anyway, so I told him to call MS after relating my story. Dead Xboxes = not an isolated incident.

This whole experience has really opened my eyes. I've never been an early adopter. Especially with the consoles, I think the only system I bought so close to launch was the 360, and even that was 6 months after the fact. But from now on, I'm not only waiting until a second (or possibly a third) hardware revision comes out, but I'm getting an extended warranty if the standard warranty is anything less than a year. I don't care how great the games are at launch or post launch, if everyone else has one already, or if the first hundred thousand customers get a free blowjob with purchase. Not doing it.

In other news, preseason football started last Sunday. That means only a month to go before the regular season starts. Personally, I still have my doubts about Aaron Brooks, but we'll have to wait and see. I have confidence in Art Shell and Al Davis. Just win, baby!

On Microsoft

I was a huge hater on Microsoft back in the day. On the PC side of things, I suppose I still am. Yeah, I use Windows, but that's only because I'm too damn lazy to learn a UNIX-based OS. I parlayed that hate into the console division, until I realized the PC side and the console side of Microsoft were two very different entities. I once vowed I'd never buy an Xbox. I eventually broke that vow. I even went so far as to predict Microsoft would win this round of the console war.

Now I'm not so sure. Sony has done just about everything wrong up to this point, whereas Microsoft (seemingly) had done everything right, or so I thought. Until yesterday.

I was reading the forums yesterday and today about all the horror stories with the 360. Disc drive errors. Hard drive errors. Memory errors. Video errors. Overheating. "Unknown" errors. Hundreds, thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands of dead boxes. Dead boxes that were dead because of known issues. What is Microsoft doing to fix these problems?

First off, if you're within the 90 day warranty, you're golden, cause you get a free replacement. Which is usually what it is, a replacement, rather than a repair. I suppose that's fine, especially when you're dealing with a manufacturer and not a reseller. Especially since nobody wants to wait a week or more for some shmuck to fix your shit, you just want to get back to gaming.

But if you're out of your 90 day warranty? You gotta pay $160 for your replacement. Tack on an additional 60 bucks if you want a two year extended warranty. This is especially heinous if you got a Core console, since you'd now be just $80 short of getting a brand new box.

Let me tell you: that is not the way to turn a negative into a positive. That's not the way to gain goodwill. How would you feel if you dropped $400 on a console only to have it die 3 and a half months later, a mere two weeks out of warranty, so you then had to drop another $220 to get a replacement and a guarantee of a replacement any time within the following 2 years if that one craps out too? Not to mention having to go 2-3 weeks without being able to play? I'd be pissed.

That said, I'm not pissed. Primarily because I'm not an idiot. Let me explain. I don't register shit. I don't register software, I don't register hardware, I wouldn't even be registered to vote if my parents hadn't practically forced me to 6 years ago. That's point number one. Point number two is I don't volunteer information to tech support that's irrelevant. If you don't ask me specifically about this or that, I'm not telling you anything other than what the problem is.

For example. I called MS today after work. Tech guy picks up, asks how he can help me. I explain the situation. "I've had my 360 for a couple of months (which is technically true, I just didn't say how many months), and it worked fine, until yesterday. I put in Dead Rising, played for about two minutes, and then it froze. I turned it off, let it sit for a moment, and turned it back on. Played for another two minutes, it froze again. I took out Dead Rising, put in Kameo, and rebooted. This time I played for about 30 seconds before it froze. I shut it down, and went to the support website. I tried everything there, unplugged everything, plugged it back in, tried it without the hard drive, different games, still the same problem. I couldn't play for more than a few minutes before it froze."

The tech guy says, "Ok, let me get some information." Name, serial number, address. He asks if I've registered my console. I say, "I don't think so (actually, I know I haven't)." He registers the console for me. He clarifies that I tried everything on the website, I say yes. He asks if the Dead Rising disc is clean and free of scratches. I say of course it is, I just got it two days ago. He says he'll submit a repair ticket, and send me out a box (a cardboard coffin, as it were) to ship the console in. He says since I'm still under warranty until October 19, 2006, the repair or replacement will be free. My warranty will be extended an additional 30 days once I get the system back. Total turnaround time is about 10 business days.

It's at this point I ask about an extended warranty. He says I can call back within the 30 days to get an additional year for $30, or two years for $60. I thank him for his help, the call concludes.

Am I satisfied with the way Microsoft handled my problem? Yes, but only because I'm not an idiot. People on the forums whine about how they registered their console the day they bought it, and now it's dead after 5 months, so they have to pay the $160. Or how when they talked to tech support they told the guy they got their Xbox on launch day, so registered or no, it's not under warranty. There was one guy whose box was no longer under warranty, so he opened it up to see what he could do. Failing that, he called support and tried to pay to get it fixed. Since he also told the tech guy that he had opened his box, MS refused to take it back, even with payment. Apparently when they say modifying the console in any way voids your warranty, it also voids your official service contract.

Obviously that's not what those people should have done, but there's plenty of blame to go around. A 90 day warranty? Come on, that's a slap in the face. Charging $160 for out of warranty service? That's a full-on ass-reaming. Especially for known issues.

And then there's the idiots and assholes who spouted shit all over the place earlier this year when they claimed only the launch boxes had problems, and a new version of the console had been released. Wrong. They were either talking out of their ass, or deliberately lying. There's only one version of the hardware, and whether your box was manufactured in November of 2005, or July of 2006, there's a not-insignificant chance it'll die before its time. That's BS, MS.

What Microsoft should be doing is honoring anyone who calls in with a problem, regardless of warranty. We're less than a year out from launch, folks, these things should not be failing yet. Hell, they shouldn't be failing at all; I still have an NES that my Dad bought me in 1987 that works great. And if Microsoft is so serious about gaming, they should realize gamers want to game. So forget about this "we send you a box, then we check out your system for a few days, and send you another system" shit. When a customer calls, you take his credit card number, and ship him a new system with a return box. If you don't get the busted system within a month or whatever, you charge him for the new system. A lot less downtime, and you're still protected from fraud.

I seriously hope they're hard at work on new hardware that doesn't have crippling problems. The brass claim the return rate was well below the 3-5% average, but that was back in December. I wonder if that's still the case. Even if it's at the average now, let's say MS has sold 5 million units. 5% of 5 million is 250,000. That's a pretty damn big number, and I can't help but think that its quite a bit bigger than that. And even if it is at the average, or still below it, that's not necessarily something to be excited about. Average is not what you want to be; average does not win wars.

Which is what it ultimately comes down to. Like I said, Sony has seemingly done everything wrong, but this is the first wrong step for Microsoft. If they continue to make mistakes, who knows what could happen. Here's hoping MS rights itself and Sony smacks into a brick wall.

God Fucking Dammit

Why can't I have nice things? Seriously, it seems like everytime things are going good, life decides to take a shit on my head.

Well, maybe not all the time, but that's what I feel like right now.

See that post down there? Just one post down, about how I'm so happy I have a 360 because awesome games are starting to hit right now? Dead Rising is indeed kickass, I picked it up yesterday and had a shit-ton of fun with it. I really wish I could have played it tonight.

But oh, I can't. You know why? Because my Xbox is fucking broken, that's why! It chose now, today, after 4 months of functioning flawlessly, to kick the bucket. No warning, no sketchy behavior, just a normal boot, then a freeze. After a restart, it gave me flashing red lights of death.

Notice I said 4 months. Normally, with just about every consumer electronic on the market (literally 99.9% of them) I'd have a one year manufacturer's warranty. No problem, send it back in, get it fixed, bada bing, bada boom, right?


The 360 has a 90 day warranty. That's 3 months. You don't see 90 day warranties on products unless they're from some fly by night company. Microsoft, for all their faults, is not a fly by night company. So why the 90 day warranty? Don't ask me.

All I know is, I have to call them tomorrow to see what I can do. I'm too tired to deal with it tonight. I don't know if I can get a replacement, or if I have to pay for repairs, or what. Chances are, though, I'm looking at about 2-3 weeks, at least, with no Xbox. And that makes Heath a sad panda.

Right now I have to enjoy having a four hundred dollar paperweight.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I'm so glad I bought a 360

Because it's already paid off, and there's plenty more gaming goodness coming down the pipe.

Since the last time I made a post like this, quite a few things have happened.

I finally finished Oblivion, which was one of the games I got with my 360. That kicked ass.

I also finished Hitman (although I might have made a post about that one), and that kicked ass, too.

I completed the single player storyline of Prey as well. I had previously mentioned that I hoped Prey would be better than Doom 3, and I think it was. About 10-12 hours for the campaign, which is all you can really expect from a shooter. I've taken it online a few times, and while the online play is alright, it's only really fun when there's 6 or more people in Deathmatch, and you're not getting horrendous lag. Any less than that and it's not frantic enough. Team Deathmatch blows cock, especially if your team is losing and your teammates quit out (that happened to me today, and since I was no longer having fun getting anally raped by the other team, I quit out, too. Then those fuckers had the gall to rate me that I have poor conduct because I "Quit the game early." Fucking cockknockers).

I recently picked up GRAW again, too, after letting it sit for about 3 months. I had become frustrated with it because it was so damn hard, even on normal difficulty, and completely unforgiving if you made a mistake. It's still fucking hard, but I think I can manage it. The story is actually pretty interesting, so I'd like to finish it.

Chromehounds came out, but I haven't checked it out yet. There's no demo, and from what everyone's saying, the game is all about the multiplayer (the single player game is just there to prepare you for MP). I'll give it a rental and see if I like it.

Dead Rising's release date got pushed up from the last time I posted about it, and it now hits stores on Tuesday. I can't wait. I got the demo 2 days ago and I've probably played through the 15 time limit at least a dozen times.

Next up after Dead Rising is Madden 07, which I'm still on the fence about. I probably won't end up getting it until a few weeks after it comes out (7/22), since I want to know if it's actually worth buying. A demo won't tell me that. Bill Harris over at Dubious Quality will tell me that.

At the end of this month, it's Saint's Row time, which I'm overjoyed wasn't pushed back. The demo was released last week, and while it's a little rough around the edges, it's definitely something to keep busy with until the next GTA game comes out in 14 months.

In non-360 news, November is going to be awesome. Both the Wiiiiiiiiiii and Guitar Hero 2 come out in November.

Guitar Hero is the only game I can think of that came out a year ago and I'm still playing it. Not put it down for 6 months, then started playing again because I got the urge, no, I've been playing Guitar Hero about once a week every week since I got it last year. Guitar Hero 2 promises to be even better.

And since I've purchased every Nintendo console since the original NES (even if you count the Virtual Boy as a console), I'm definitely getting a Wiiiiiiiii on launch day. Wiiiiii Sports? ExciteTruck? Metal Slug Anthology? Red Steel? Metroid Prime 3? Zelda: Twilight Princess? Shit, the only games that would make that launch lineup better would be Mario Galaxy and the new Smash Bros.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

An Inconvenient Truth

No, this isn't another movie review post, but it is related to a film. I haven't seen An Inconvient Truth, but I want to. Word is it opened in Stockton this weekend, which I wish I had known about yesterday, so Justin and I could have gone to see it. Hopefully it'll still be playing next weekend.

So I was reading the paper today, and I decided to check out the Opinion/Letters section (something I rarely do, since the stupidity is blinding). I ran across this gem. I'll break it down piece by piece.

"Sometimes I get discouraged, but my faith is restored by letters to The Record that deny global warming."

Oh shit. He mentioned faith. This is gonna be one of those Jesus-freak bible-thumping mother fuckers.

"Americans are famous for common sense and open minds. Thank God enough people with common sense can see that Al Gore and global warming are just plain silly."

Wait, now he mentioned common sense and open minds. Is this a sarcastic letter?

"A majority of scientists say there is global warming, which shows how common sense disappears at the gates to our universities. The scientists are herd animals, trying to get to tenure pasture."

Ok, I've met my share of folks with PhDs who aren't very smart, but that's ridiculous. Does he really think professors write papers and do research just because they want tenure? And that those papers would somehow be accepted into scholarly journals (which are independent from the tenure committees at their local universities) if they were pure bullshit? Maybe this isn't sarcasm.

"Earth's atmosphere is too big and too divinely designed for man to cause something as cataclysmic as global warming. It's common sense."

Nope. Definitely not sarcasm. Just stupidity.

"Scientists who blame warming on the burning of gas and coal are fossil fools. Man has been burning things for centuries. We've had cars for 100 years. Why, all of a sudden, is it a problem?"

I make no claims to be an expert on global warming, but it's crystal clear that this dumbass doesn't know the first thing about it. He's awfully quick to dismiss the findings of "scientists," while spouting nonsense about the Earth's atmosphere being divinely inspired, and using such quantifiable terms as "big."

"Only because extremist environmentalists like Gore need an issue. They get government grants to study this stuff and live off taxpayers."

Ah yes, taxes. The dreaded government taxation that provides such services like healthcare assistance, public schools and libraries, public transit, roads, grants for higher education, and countless other things that make our lives better. God forbid the government give some of that money to folks who use it to research solutions to problems that would otherwise make our lives worse.

"How can we have global warming (which assumes Earth is a globe) when common sense says the Earth is flat?"


Wait. What did he say?

"How can we have global warming (which assumes Earth is a globe) when common sense says the Earth is flat?"


That's what I thought he said.

"William West,

Well, William West, you sir, are a fucking idiot. And I am now permanently dumber for having read your letter. How did you even learn to read and write, since you're apparently developmentally disabled? Or did you have your personal assistant write the letter for you while you pointed at pictures of the idea you wanted to convey and made gurgling noises? I'm ashamed that I have to share my town with you. But I do wish you success, so you can buy a large house with many floors. Then you can trip and fall down a few flights of stairs on your way to breakfast and break your stupid goddamn neck.