Saturday, April 25, 2009


Watching the Utah game and I have two observations.

1) I fucking hate the Lakers.

2) It's amazing how the announcers can still speak with LA's dicks in their mouths.
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We Don't Torture

Monday, April 20, 2009

End of Season Wrapup 2009

Most of the TV shows from the Fall are wrapping up their season runs right about now, and it's been more than a year since I gave a rundown of broadcast (and otherwise) TV, so now is as good a time as any for one of these. I'm going to try a new format for this one, though, since I don't actually watch TV on television any more (internet streaming FTW), so instead of by day, I'm just going down the list in alphabetical order.

30 Rock. I'm so glad I stopped judging this show by it's promos and gave it a fair shake. This is one of the few shows that actually deserves all the praise it gets.

Bones. I originally started watching this show only because it had a Joss-verse vet on it (David Boreanaz). 4 years in and while I wouldn't consider myself a fan of the CSI-like procedural genre, I don't hate it on principle anymore.

Breaking Bad. A high-school chemistry teacher is diagnosed with terminal cancer and is concerned about providing for his family once he's gone. What would someone do in that situation? The answer's obvious. Start cooking meth.

Castle. Another Joss-verse vet show, this one's got Nathan Fillion as a murder-mystery novelist who finds his muse in a no-nonsense female police detective. I'm digging it, but there are rumors of cancellation. Goddammit.

Chuck. One of the many things I like about this show is that it doesn't fit neatly into any given genre. It's part comedy, part drama, part romance, part espionage action. Plus, it's got Adam Baldwin. But it might be canceled. Wait, what? Goddammit!

Dexter. Fantastic show. It's also on cable, which means cancellation isn't really an option (since it's already had 3 seasons, and can presumably go as long as it's creators have ideas).

Dollhouse. Sure, I watch a lot of Joss-verse vet shows, but this one is an honest to god Joss-verse show. Unfortunately, it's on FUX. Which means it was basically canceled before it started. I really, really, really, really hope it sticks around. And I really hope Joss never works with FUX again after this.

Eli Stone. This is a show about a prophetic lawyer. And when I say prophetic, I mean in the biblical sense of the word. Ordinarily, I wouldn't give something like this the time of day, but it starred Jonny Lee Miller (from Hackers, which is a guilty pleasure of mine) and Victor Garber (who I really dug in Alias). It totally grew on me and I kept watching. And now it's canceled. Goddammit!!

Fringe. People say it's kinda like the X-Files. I wouldn't know, as I never watched the X-Files. I do know it's unlike anything I've ever seen before, and I really dig it. You know what that means? It's gonna get canceled.

Heroes. There was a bit of a rough patch around the middle of this season, I think, where it seemed like the writers were just trying goofy shit because they could. Recently, they seem to have righted the ship. I'm still pissed that Elle (Kristen Bell) isn't on the show anymore, though.

How I Met Your Mother. This show is Legen...wait for it, I hope you're not lactose intolerant because here it comes...dary!

Jericho. Canceled, brought back by the fans, then canceled again. Goddammit!!!

Journeyman. Canceled. Sigh.

Life. I really like Damian Lewis. I first saw him in Band of Brothers, and he's great as Detective Crews in Life. The rumors of cancellation really piss me off.

Life on Mars. A remake (or perhaps re-envisioning) of a BBC series, Life on Mars is about a cop who gets hit by a car in 2008 and ends up in 1973. Is he in a coma? Is he a time-traveller? Is he just dreaming? Or something else? This was my favorite show of the 2008 crop of new shows. Why do I say was? Because it's canceled. Luckily, the show-runners got the news prior to finishing their allotted run, so we got a proper ending instead of just an unfinished mess. The internet(TM) apparently hated the ending, but I loved it. Still, though. GODDAMMIT!!!!

Lost. Even though it seems like more questions are raised than answered on this show, I still can't get enough. Thank christ it will actually get to finish it's run on it's own terms.

Moonlight. Angel-light, this show should be called. For two reasons, because it got canceled after one season instead of 5. Fuck.

My Name is Earl. Yeah, yeah, I've got a huge man-crush on Jason Lee. Too bad he's a Scientologist. Anyway, Earl rocks, it's gonna be around for a long time, and...what? It might get canceled? Fuck!

My Own Worst Enemy. A double agent: in his own head. Stupid? Maybe. Original? Definitely. Interesting? Hell yes. Canceled? Of course.

New Amsterdam. So there's this immortal...nevermind, it's canceled.

Prison Break. The prison break happened at the end of the first season. Then there was a manhunt. Then another prison in the third season. Now they're out again. Will they go back in? We'll get to find out, but then it's canceled. Fuck!!

Pushing Daisies. Original, quirky, magical, hilarious, darkly comedic, and canceled.

Reaper. Original, quirky, magical, hilarious, darkly comedic, and canceled...maybe. Fuck!!!

Smallville. Trainwreck. But you know what they say about trainwrecks...

Supernatural. If not the best show on television right now, definitely in the top 3.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Terminator. Summer Glau. Canceled. FUCK!!!!

The Office. What the hell is Stringer Bell doing on The Office? Oddness aside, The Office is great.

True Blood. I haven't read the books this series is based on, but goddamn if it isn't awesome. Vampires, hot chicks, and plenty of gore? Sign me up!

United States of Tara. I wasn't sure about this show in the beginning. It wasn't really funny, and I'm not sure if it was meant to be. It grew on me, though, and I can't wait for next season (which doesn't start until 2010. Gah!).

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Burn After Reading

After much urging from a friend that I would dig it, I watched Burn After Reading tonight. Not bad, but not my favorite Cohen Bros. flick. That title belongs to The Big Lebowski.

Recommended if you like black comedies and/or you're a fan of the Cohens.
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Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Some Mormons came to my door today. It was a first, actually. I've gotten the Seventh Day Adventists, I've gotten the Jehovah's Witnesses, I've gotten the Evangelicals, but no Mormons. Until today. (funny aside, I typed "Morons" at first. I'm not yet sure if that was a mistake)

Two guys were standing on my porch when I opened the door, which I understand is the norm. They looked maybe 23, tops. They introduced themselves, Elder Dickspittle and Elder Cockbite (I'm positive those were their actual names), and then the first one asked what I had been doing prior to answering the door.

"Just watching some TV."

"Oh, cool. Well, we're from the Mormon Church and have been sent by the prophet blah blah blah."

At this point, the speaker must have noticed my completely uninterested expression and closed off body language, because he asked if they had been by before. My answer was no, so he followed up by asking if I had a belief in God. I again answered in the negative. He looked taken aback.

"No belief in any God?"

"Nope. None."

He stuttered. "We'd like to share our experiences in faith with you, and how..."

"I'd rather you didn't."

It was at this point he realized he would get no further with me, and asked if any of my neighbors would be interested in his shtick. I chuckled at him and thought to myself, "Drug dealers, addicts, and welfare moms? Are you fucking kidding me?" but thought better of it and said I had no idea, he'd have to ask them. I then bid Elders Dickspittle and Cockbite a good night. I resisted the urge to add a, "Hail Satan!" before closing the door.


This is only a test of mobile blogging. Have I mentioned that I heart my blackberry?
Sent from my BlackBerry® on the MetroPCS Network

Friday, April 10, 2009

My name is Heath, and I'm an addict

My drug of choice? Crack.

As in, Crackberry. That's right, I now own a Blackberry smartphone, and damn if it isn't sexy as hell and completely badass. I'm still discovering all the awesome things it can do, but my favorite so far is the instant messaging. It's got AIM, MSN, Yahoo, Google, pretty much everything except for ICQ, which is unsupported on my network for some reason.

So the real point of this post (other than to say that I completely heart my Blackberry), is that if anyone who reads it lost touch with me because I dropped off the IM planet, I am now back. Holla at your boy.