Seriously, because I've had it. Microsoft is "updating their system" so the repair order didn't go through. I called back today to see if the update had finished, and they still can't process any orders. Not only that, but "as of yesterday, (they're) no longer able to send out prepaid shipping boxes." So they expect me to pay for shipping of my dead box to their repair center, too.
Hey assholes, if you'd taken care of my shit four days ago when I called initially, you could have sent me a goddamn prepaid shipping box, huh? For your fucking busted system that you saddled me with, huh? That I have to pay you to take back, and pay to ship to you. Should I give you my bank account number, too? So you can just make an automatic withdrawal every month in exchange for fucking me up the ass?
Seriously, when does it stop? Because I don't see any end in sight. The PS3 launch (as impotent as it seems to be) and the Wii launch are less than a month away. Now is not the time to be changing policies and pulling bullshit. Now I remember why I hated Microsoft with a goddamn passion 5 years ago.
So I'm calling back tomorrow and asking for a supervisor who "has the authority" to process a repair order not only at no charge, but to send out a fucking prepaid shipping box. Then when I get the replacement back, I'm boxing it up (in the original box) and selling it on eBay. Because I'm fucking done with Microsoft and their bullshit. Right here, mother fuckers.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Update: Apathy Subsides, Replaced By Rage
I just got off the phone with Microsoft. For a few moments there, I was actually shaking with rage. Let me break it down.
The rep picks up, and I explain the situation, complete with names and dates, that I was told my warranty would extend until 10/19, and I would like to get my box repaired for free. After all, it's only been about a month and a half since I got the replacement, and I've only had the Xbox for about 4 months (that's a blatant lie, but they don't know any different). I explained how the rep a few days ago had said the warranty was expired, but I didn't have my notes then to dispute it. He puts me on hold to check. After some minutes (not sure how long), he comes back and says the original rep was incorrect, and that I am still out of warranty. I disagree, as I was told by the rep a month and a half ago exactly when my warranty would end, and stated that I shouldn't be punished for someone else's mistake. It's at this point I request a supervisor, because I know this guy's hands are tied. I know that because I am this guy, basically.
Another lengthy hold time, and he comes back with the supervisor. He disconnects and I explain everything all over again to the supervisor (I want to make sure she has my side of the story, rather than just the rep's), which apparently upsets her, because she makes a comment about "letting her talk." So I do, and she spits out the same old garbage how I'm out of warranty. She adds new garbage by explaining why the original rep was wrong about the warranty. Here's how it works: When a new 360 is purchased, and it comes with a 90 day warranty. At any time during that 90 days, it can be returned for repairs. When the repair is received, it starts an additional 30 day warranty clock, not to exceed the original warranty by more than that 30 days. What does this mean for the consumer? Let's give some examples.
Example A: The 360 is purchased on January 1. It dies on January 17. The replacement is received on February 3. An additional 30 days begins at that point, but since the original 90 days is longer, there is no "extended" warranty.
Example B: The 360 is purchased on March 1. It dies on May 29 (the last day of the 90 day warranty). The replacement is received on June 14. An additional 30 days begins at that point, so the "extended" warranty is an additional 30 days.
Example C: The 360 is purchased sometime in June. It dies on August 11. The replacement is received on August 29. The "extended" warranty ends on September 28, even if the original warranty was supposedly set to end September 27.
That last example is me. I didn't purchase my 360 in June, but it's best that they don't know that. Anyway, she continues by saying that a repair order has already been entered and I've been charged $140 for the repair. I counter by asking if there's any way that can be refunded, due to this problem. She says it can be cancelled and I would be refunded. I had been getting steadily angrier through the entire call. It's at this point the rage tipped the boiling point. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I was pissed. I think I referred to my box as a "$400 paper weight" and said of course I wanted the repair. But it's ridiculous that I should be charged $140 for a replacement that's already been replaced once, and has gone bad twice in the span of 4 months.
She put me on hold again. At this point, I was shaking. A shorter hold time and she came back, and said she had the authority to do a repair order at 50%, so I would only be charged $70. I remembered that compromise people had been offered on the boards when I checked back in August. I said ok, and she charged the order. I asked again about the 1 or 2 year extended warranty, and confirmed I can call back once I receive the repair to purchase that, and the box can be replaced an infinite number of times during that span at no charge.
Am I still upset? Yes. Even at 50%, that's a bullshit way to make money off a manufacturing problem that they had prior knowledge of. It's not how you build goodwill. It's not how you earn repeat customers. Microsoft seems to be the juggernaut this round of the console wars, but these repair incidents make me seriously question how long it will last, and what this could mean for the next generation. Sony clearly needs to get their shit together, but Microsoft is kind of like the smoking hot woman that everyone wants, but then she opens her mouth and stupid pours out. So we'll see.
The rep picks up, and I explain the situation, complete with names and dates, that I was told my warranty would extend until 10/19, and I would like to get my box repaired for free. After all, it's only been about a month and a half since I got the replacement, and I've only had the Xbox for about 4 months (that's a blatant lie, but they don't know any different). I explained how the rep a few days ago had said the warranty was expired, but I didn't have my notes then to dispute it. He puts me on hold to check. After some minutes (not sure how long), he comes back and says the original rep was incorrect, and that I am still out of warranty. I disagree, as I was told by the rep a month and a half ago exactly when my warranty would end, and stated that I shouldn't be punished for someone else's mistake. It's at this point I request a supervisor, because I know this guy's hands are tied. I know that because I am this guy, basically.
Another lengthy hold time, and he comes back with the supervisor. He disconnects and I explain everything all over again to the supervisor (I want to make sure she has my side of the story, rather than just the rep's), which apparently upsets her, because she makes a comment about "letting her talk." So I do, and she spits out the same old garbage how I'm out of warranty. She adds new garbage by explaining why the original rep was wrong about the warranty. Here's how it works: When a new 360 is purchased, and it comes with a 90 day warranty. At any time during that 90 days, it can be returned for repairs. When the repair is received, it starts an additional 30 day warranty clock, not to exceed the original warranty by more than that 30 days. What does this mean for the consumer? Let's give some examples.
Example A: The 360 is purchased on January 1. It dies on January 17. The replacement is received on February 3. An additional 30 days begins at that point, but since the original 90 days is longer, there is no "extended" warranty.
Example B: The 360 is purchased on March 1. It dies on May 29 (the last day of the 90 day warranty). The replacement is received on June 14. An additional 30 days begins at that point, so the "extended" warranty is an additional 30 days.
Example C: The 360 is purchased sometime in June. It dies on August 11. The replacement is received on August 29. The "extended" warranty ends on September 28, even if the original warranty was supposedly set to end September 27.
That last example is me. I didn't purchase my 360 in June, but it's best that they don't know that. Anyway, she continues by saying that a repair order has already been entered and I've been charged $140 for the repair. I counter by asking if there's any way that can be refunded, due to this problem. She says it can be cancelled and I would be refunded. I had been getting steadily angrier through the entire call. It's at this point the rage tipped the boiling point. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I was pissed. I think I referred to my box as a "$400 paper weight" and said of course I wanted the repair. But it's ridiculous that I should be charged $140 for a replacement that's already been replaced once, and has gone bad twice in the span of 4 months.
She put me on hold again. At this point, I was shaking. A shorter hold time and she came back, and said she had the authority to do a repair order at 50%, so I would only be charged $70. I remembered that compromise people had been offered on the boards when I checked back in August. I said ok, and she charged the order. I asked again about the 1 or 2 year extended warranty, and confirmed I can call back once I receive the repair to purchase that, and the box can be replaced an infinite number of times during that span at no charge.
Am I still upset? Yes. Even at 50%, that's a bullshit way to make money off a manufacturing problem that they had prior knowledge of. It's not how you build goodwill. It's not how you earn repeat customers. Microsoft seems to be the juggernaut this round of the console wars, but these repair incidents make me seriously question how long it will last, and what this could mean for the next generation. Sony clearly needs to get their shit together, but Microsoft is kind of like the smoking hot woman that everyone wants, but then she opens her mouth and stupid pours out. So we'll see.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
I Can't Even Work Up the Rage
Seriously, I'm feeling so fucking apathetic right now, I can't even get upset about this. I know I should be, but I'm just worn out.
My surgically repaired Xbox crapped out on me yesterday. It froze while I was playing the demo of Tiger Woods PGA 07 or whatever the hell it is. I thought nothing of it, and rebooted and continued playing without a problem. Then I rented NCAA 07, and was going to play that last night, but before I could even put the disc in, it froze again. I rebooted, and this time the Xbox logo froze right in the middle of it's silly animation.
So I called Xbox tech support. I explained the problem, and he said I'd need to send it in. Apparently, I'm out of warranty, because the guy said I'd have to pay $140 for the repair. I discussed that with him, because it was my understanding that I was still under warranty, but unfortunately didn't have my notes from the last time I called. So I was ready to go through with the repair charge, but the system went down just as it was about to go through.
As it turns out, that might be a very good thing. According to my notes from last time, the rep had told me the original warranty lasted until 10/19, which would be extended by 30 days after the repair. So I should be well under warranty. The guy told me to call back tomorrow to process the order, so when I do, I'm going to hit em with the notes. "According to so and so on such and such, my warranty should still be in effect." If they say I still have to pay, I'm going to say, "Well, I shouldn't have to pay as much because so and so told me I was under warranty, that's not right." I hope I don't have to pay anything. If I do, oh well. I should be extremely pissed about that, but I'm not.
I'm definitely opting for the extended warranty this time, though. I don't know how long it's going to take Microsoft to fix their hardware problems, but I'm through taking chances.
My surgically repaired Xbox crapped out on me yesterday. It froze while I was playing the demo of Tiger Woods PGA 07 or whatever the hell it is. I thought nothing of it, and rebooted and continued playing without a problem. Then I rented NCAA 07, and was going to play that last night, but before I could even put the disc in, it froze again. I rebooted, and this time the Xbox logo froze right in the middle of it's silly animation.
So I called Xbox tech support. I explained the problem, and he said I'd need to send it in. Apparently, I'm out of warranty, because the guy said I'd have to pay $140 for the repair. I discussed that with him, because it was my understanding that I was still under warranty, but unfortunately didn't have my notes from the last time I called. So I was ready to go through with the repair charge, but the system went down just as it was about to go through.
As it turns out, that might be a very good thing. According to my notes from last time, the rep had told me the original warranty lasted until 10/19, which would be extended by 30 days after the repair. So I should be well under warranty. The guy told me to call back tomorrow to process the order, so when I do, I'm going to hit em with the notes. "According to so and so on such and such, my warranty should still be in effect." If they say I still have to pay, I'm going to say, "Well, I shouldn't have to pay as much because so and so told me I was under warranty, that's not right." I hope I don't have to pay anything. If I do, oh well. I should be extremely pissed about that, but I'm not.
I'm definitely opting for the extended warranty this time, though. I don't know how long it's going to take Microsoft to fix their hardware problems, but I'm through taking chances.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
The Departed and other things
Last night, I went to see The Departed. It's the new Martin Scorsese flick with Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, and Mark Wahlberg. I wasn't really expecting much, but it was pretty good. I enjoyed myself, although it was too long. At 2:30, it was a bit unwieldy, a half hour could have been trimmed and it would have been taught. Plus, it was like, "Holy shit. *long pause* Holy shit! *pause* Holy SHIT!! *pause* HOLY SH...Wait, what?" Shocking the audience = good. Shocking the audience for shock's sake = bad. Having the whole theatre burst into laughter because the movie just took an unintentionally ridiculous turn = very bad. But my overall verdict remains the same: The Departed is worth seeing at the theatre, even if it does get a bit ridiculous and is unintentionally humorous.
Also, I was really looking forward to playing Space Empires 5 this weekend. It's already been released in Australia (of all places), and EBGamestopWare Etc. had it listed as shipping on 10/5/06 on their website, even though the generally accepted release date for the US is 10/16/06. So I called the stores on Friday, and while they said it did ship from the warehouse on Thursday, they hadn't received it yet. They recommended I pre-order so I could get a copy as soon as they did. So I did.
But now I'm thinking that they were giving me a line of bullshit. It says on their website that there are no copies on the way to the stores here in Stockton. In fact, there are no copies on the way to any of the stores in northern California except for Santa Clara and Santa Rosa. Great. Tomorrow is a holiday, so I don't think they'll get a delivery then. So I'll give them a call on Tuesday, but I seriously doubt the game will be there. I couldn't wait for SE5 before, but this bullshit jerking around with the release date, getting my hopes up and then destroying them makes me angry. At this point, I don't care if I have to get it online, by direct download, on Steam, or by pirating the fucking thing, I just want to play the goddamn game, goddammit.
Also, I was really looking forward to playing Space Empires 5 this weekend. It's already been released in Australia (of all places), and EBGamestopWare Etc. had it listed as shipping on 10/5/06 on their website, even though the generally accepted release date for the US is 10/16/06. So I called the stores on Friday, and while they said it did ship from the warehouse on Thursday, they hadn't received it yet. They recommended I pre-order so I could get a copy as soon as they did. So I did.
But now I'm thinking that they were giving me a line of bullshit. It says on their website that there are no copies on the way to the stores here in Stockton. In fact, there are no copies on the way to any of the stores in northern California except for Santa Clara and Santa Rosa. Great. Tomorrow is a holiday, so I don't think they'll get a delivery then. So I'll give them a call on Tuesday, but I seriously doubt the game will be there. I couldn't wait for SE5 before, but this bullshit jerking around with the release date, getting my hopes up and then destroying them makes me angry. At this point, I don't care if I have to get it online, by direct download, on Steam, or by pirating the fucking thing, I just want to play the goddamn game, goddammit.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Vacation Movie Reviews
It's been a while since I've done one of these. I've had the last two days off work, so I had time to watch some flicks, and will now proceed to tear them apart for your entertainment.
First up:
The Benchwarmers, rated PG-13, starring Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder. Wow. A crappy baseball movie with dick and fart jokes. Good for a chuckle or two, I suppose. There was a time when a movie like this would have gotten a big thumbs up from me, but that was about ten years ago. Now, it's just another piece of shit that I'll have forgotten about in two days.
Ultraviolet, rated PG-13, starring Milla Jovovich. The best part of this movie was about 6 minutes in, where Milla walked down a purple hallway naked. About 6 minutes after that, I turned it off. Let's see, there's bad acting, shitty action, a plot that doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense, stuff happening that doesn't make sense either, and just plain crazy going on. I'm pretty good at suspending my disbelief, but I have to have something to work with. A dark ass-shot of Milla isn't much, and that's all this movie had going for it. I've got two words for Ultraviolet: absolute bullshit. On a side note, it now joins only two other films in existence that I've started watching and haven't finished because they sucked out loud: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Kung Pow Enter the Fist. That's the shit-tastic Top 3 right there.
V for Vendetta, rated R, starring Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving. I read the graphic novel first. I loved it. When I heard the Wachowskis were doing the film, I hated it. I stayed away from it, and then finally decided to give it a shot. And it's not bad. Some things were changed from the book, certainly, but I think they worked for the most part. The book ended on less of an upbeat note than the film did, and I think I liked the book better in that regard. Overall, I enjoyed the movie, and while it hasn't completely restored my faith in the Wachowskis, I don't think I'll avoid their next film like the plague.
First up:
The Benchwarmers, rated PG-13, starring Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder. Wow. A crappy baseball movie with dick and fart jokes. Good for a chuckle or two, I suppose. There was a time when a movie like this would have gotten a big thumbs up from me, but that was about ten years ago. Now, it's just another piece of shit that I'll have forgotten about in two days.
Ultraviolet, rated PG-13, starring Milla Jovovich. The best part of this movie was about 6 minutes in, where Milla walked down a purple hallway naked. About 6 minutes after that, I turned it off. Let's see, there's bad acting, shitty action, a plot that doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense, stuff happening that doesn't make sense either, and just plain crazy going on. I'm pretty good at suspending my disbelief, but I have to have something to work with. A dark ass-shot of Milla isn't much, and that's all this movie had going for it. I've got two words for Ultraviolet: absolute bullshit. On a side note, it now joins only two other films in existence that I've started watching and haven't finished because they sucked out loud: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Kung Pow Enter the Fist. That's the shit-tastic Top 3 right there.
V for Vendetta, rated R, starring Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving. I read the graphic novel first. I loved it. When I heard the Wachowskis were doing the film, I hated it. I stayed away from it, and then finally decided to give it a shot. And it's not bad. Some things were changed from the book, certainly, but I think they worked for the most part. The book ended on less of an upbeat note than the film did, and I think I liked the book better in that regard. Overall, I enjoyed the movie, and while it hasn't completely restored my faith in the Wachowskis, I don't think I'll avoid their next film like the plague.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Test Drive: Limited
The name of the game is actually Test Drive: Unlimited. While it's pretty good, it's far from being the best racing game out there.
Let's start with the good.
Cars. There's a good mix of makes, models, and time periods represented in the game. There are enough cars to give the game variety, but not so many that you're lost in a sea of a million and one Skylines.
The map. You have the whole island of Oahu to explore, and drive exotic cars around on. For the most part, races are spread out so you won't have to drive down the same stretch of road more than a couple of times. That's brilliant.
Pacing. You start out with the low class of cars and easy races, and as you progress, the races get harder and require you to move up to the higher classes. Just like it should be.
Graphics. Very nice. Draw distance is like a mile, literally. And when you're travelling at 180 miles an hour, that's a very good thing. Plus, the cars look amazing.
Control. Each car handles differently. Some hug the road, some are slippery pieces of shit. Very nicely done.
Online play. Something I still rarely get into on the 360, usually because the matchmaking is so fucking terrible. But it's fantastic in this game. There's no TrueSkill bullshit, there's no searching for games, there's just races on the map that happen to be inhabited by other players. In fact, when you're connected to Live and driving around the island, there are other cars, driven by actual players, doing the exact same thing. Pass one and flash your lights at him, and you've got a one on one drag race. All with no loading and no lag. That blows my mind, and it's absolutely the right way to do a racing game with online multiplayer. Plus, I think you can race for pinks. That's fucking sweet.
Now we get to the bad, which surprisingly, includes the flip side of some of the good points, and includes some utterly horrendous things.
Cars. Just because a car is classic, it's automatically considered "G" class. Sorry, but the Shelby Daytona Coupe is definitely not in the same class as the '68 Camaro Z28. Yes, the Camaro is a nice car, and I'm glad it was included. But it can't hold the Shelby's jock. The Shelby won the FIA World GT Championship, for chrissakes. Do your homework.
The map. I like the immersiveness of it, I do. But don't sacrifice fun for realism. Do not make me drive all over the island just to find a goddamn car dealer. Why are there seperate dealerships, anyway? Or seperate real estate agencies? You want realism? Try using the fucking internet. I'm sure I've purchased a laptop with my millions of dollars in race winnings, let me visit Carmax.com and Century21.com to buy my shit.
Control. So, is it a sim, or an arcade racer? A melding of the two? No. I don't know what the hell it is, but trying to be a bit of both doesn't work. That just leads to taking a sharp turn and having a 50/50 chance of either powersliding through or spinning out of control.
Damage modeling. Where the hell is it? If I smash into another car head-on doing 200, both drivers would be dead and their cars would disintegrate. But in this game, the only penalty is a flashing badge meaning the cops might be looking for me. Wow. Which brings me to...
Cops and tickets. Cops aren't psychic. They don't know about shit they don't see. And they can't give tickets to a vehicle that isn't stopped. They sure as hell can't do that when it's doing 90, but somehow I managed to get a ticket when I was doing just that. Seriously, this isn't Hot Pursuit. Hot Pursuit was a good game, and did the whole cops and racers thing very well. Don't remind me of a better game when I'm playing your poor excuse for one.
Online play. For some strange reason, my Xbox can't seem to stay connected to Live when I'm playing this game. It'll connect initially, and stay connected for about 5-10 minutes, and then just drop. I don't get it.
Final verdict: A fun rental, but that's it. Apparently, it can be purchased for 40 bucks. While that's not a bad price, I prefer the $8 dollar rental. You'll have your fun, with none of the regrets. Damn, I can't wait for Forza 2.
Let's start with the good.
Cars. There's a good mix of makes, models, and time periods represented in the game. There are enough cars to give the game variety, but not so many that you're lost in a sea of a million and one Skylines.
The map. You have the whole island of Oahu to explore, and drive exotic cars around on. For the most part, races are spread out so you won't have to drive down the same stretch of road more than a couple of times. That's brilliant.
Pacing. You start out with the low class of cars and easy races, and as you progress, the races get harder and require you to move up to the higher classes. Just like it should be.
Graphics. Very nice. Draw distance is like a mile, literally. And when you're travelling at 180 miles an hour, that's a very good thing. Plus, the cars look amazing.
Control. Each car handles differently. Some hug the road, some are slippery pieces of shit. Very nicely done.
Online play. Something I still rarely get into on the 360, usually because the matchmaking is so fucking terrible. But it's fantastic in this game. There's no TrueSkill bullshit, there's no searching for games, there's just races on the map that happen to be inhabited by other players. In fact, when you're connected to Live and driving around the island, there are other cars, driven by actual players, doing the exact same thing. Pass one and flash your lights at him, and you've got a one on one drag race. All with no loading and no lag. That blows my mind, and it's absolutely the right way to do a racing game with online multiplayer. Plus, I think you can race for pinks. That's fucking sweet.
Now we get to the bad, which surprisingly, includes the flip side of some of the good points, and includes some utterly horrendous things.
Cars. Just because a car is classic, it's automatically considered "G" class. Sorry, but the Shelby Daytona Coupe is definitely not in the same class as the '68 Camaro Z28. Yes, the Camaro is a nice car, and I'm glad it was included. But it can't hold the Shelby's jock. The Shelby won the FIA World GT Championship, for chrissakes. Do your homework.
The map. I like the immersiveness of it, I do. But don't sacrifice fun for realism. Do not make me drive all over the island just to find a goddamn car dealer. Why are there seperate dealerships, anyway? Or seperate real estate agencies? You want realism? Try using the fucking internet. I'm sure I've purchased a laptop with my millions of dollars in race winnings, let me visit Carmax.com and Century21.com to buy my shit.
Control. So, is it a sim, or an arcade racer? A melding of the two? No. I don't know what the hell it is, but trying to be a bit of both doesn't work. That just leads to taking a sharp turn and having a 50/50 chance of either powersliding through or spinning out of control.
Damage modeling. Where the hell is it? If I smash into another car head-on doing 200, both drivers would be dead and their cars would disintegrate. But in this game, the only penalty is a flashing badge meaning the cops might be looking for me. Wow. Which brings me to...
Cops and tickets. Cops aren't psychic. They don't know about shit they don't see. And they can't give tickets to a vehicle that isn't stopped. They sure as hell can't do that when it's doing 90, but somehow I managed to get a ticket when I was doing just that. Seriously, this isn't Hot Pursuit. Hot Pursuit was a good game, and did the whole cops and racers thing very well. Don't remind me of a better game when I'm playing your poor excuse for one.
Online play. For some strange reason, my Xbox can't seem to stay connected to Live when I'm playing this game. It'll connect initially, and stay connected for about 5-10 minutes, and then just drop. I don't get it.
Final verdict: A fun rental, but that's it. Apparently, it can be purchased for 40 bucks. While that's not a bad price, I prefer the $8 dollar rental. You'll have your fun, with none of the regrets. Damn, I can't wait for Forza 2.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Contemplations and Ruminations
I've been so geeked about the prospect of the Tensided Radio Hour lately. I can't wait to sink my teeth into it. Audacity is a great (and free) program, but it doesn't seem like it does everything I'd want it to. Or maybe I don't know all the little tricks to get it to do what I want. Either way, I was looking into other programs that would do more, and be more user-friendly.
Lo and behold, Apple has a program called Garageband. And it sounds freaking awesome. Not only does it do all the podcast stuff, but you can actually create your own music with it. That right there is worth the price of admission. I decided I had to try it. Whaddya know? It's included with the 06 version of iLife for 80 bucks.
As much as I like spending money on new toys, however, I wanted to try it out first. So I got a "trial" version of just Garageband (version 3 is the newest one), and popped the disc into my iBook.
Bad juju immediately. The package file would supposedly launch, but Installer just sat there, staring at me blankly. I let it sit for a while, thinking it would work eventually. After 10 minutes, I gave up and consulted the net. Apparently, a G3 processor can't handle Garageband 3. Hell, I couldn't even get Installer to actually launch the package.
That's fucking great. I looked around for a "trial" of Garageband 2 (which will run on a G3), but found none. eBay has copies of iLife 05 for 10-20 bucks, but I'm never using Paypal again. And internet stores don't sell iLife 05 anymore. Shit.
So I hit up Apple's store today, wondering what I could get a new MacBook for. The low-end (which now come with Intel Core 2 Duo processors, shiny) laptops weigh in at $1100. Kind of steep. But then I noticed the MacMini under the desktop listings. Look at that. Tell me that isn't a sexy piece of hardware. My badass widescreen monitor supports multiple video inputs. I could just use a beater keyboard and mouse with it, and I'd be set. iLife 06 comes in the box, for only 600 bills.
One of my qualms, though, besides the price tag (which isn't bad, but more than I should be spending on a whim, really), is that Leopard comes out next spring. If I do want to get it, I should probably wait. But damn if it isn't tempting.
Lo and behold, Apple has a program called Garageband. And it sounds freaking awesome. Not only does it do all the podcast stuff, but you can actually create your own music with it. That right there is worth the price of admission. I decided I had to try it. Whaddya know? It's included with the 06 version of iLife for 80 bucks.
As much as I like spending money on new toys, however, I wanted to try it out first. So I got a "trial" version of just Garageband (version 3 is the newest one), and popped the disc into my iBook.
Bad juju immediately. The package file would supposedly launch, but Installer just sat there, staring at me blankly. I let it sit for a while, thinking it would work eventually. After 10 minutes, I gave up and consulted the net. Apparently, a G3 processor can't handle Garageband 3. Hell, I couldn't even get Installer to actually launch the package.
That's fucking great. I looked around for a "trial" of Garageband 2 (which will run on a G3), but found none. eBay has copies of iLife 05 for 10-20 bucks, but I'm never using Paypal again. And internet stores don't sell iLife 05 anymore. Shit.
So I hit up Apple's store today, wondering what I could get a new MacBook for. The low-end (which now come with Intel Core 2 Duo processors, shiny) laptops weigh in at $1100. Kind of steep. But then I noticed the MacMini under the desktop listings. Look at that. Tell me that isn't a sexy piece of hardware. My badass widescreen monitor supports multiple video inputs. I could just use a beater keyboard and mouse with it, and I'd be set. iLife 06 comes in the box, for only 600 bills.
One of my qualms, though, besides the price tag (which isn't bad, but more than I should be spending on a whim, really), is that Leopard comes out next spring. If I do want to get it, I should probably wait. But damn if it isn't tempting.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Too Damn Funny
Saw this over at Bill's blog, and it's just too damn funny, so I have to repost it. He was talking about a glitch in the European version of Madden 07 where the quarterback will wind up and throw the ball backwards. As in, behind him. About 30 yards or so. For those unfamiliar with the rules of football, not only is that not the direction you want to throw the ball, but if no one catches it, it's a fumble, so the other team can pick it up and run the other way with it. Anyway, here's the clip for that.
But what's even funnier is this clip.
That's our quarterback, ladies and gentlemen. But before you weep for the Raiders, please know that Andrew Walter will be starting the next few games, and hopefully, the rest of the season. I strongly believe he's the future of my team, now he just has to prove it.
But what's even funnier is this clip.
That's our quarterback, ladies and gentlemen. But before you weep for the Raiders, please know that Andrew Walter will be starting the next few games, and hopefully, the rest of the season. I strongly believe he's the future of my team, now he just has to prove it.
Friday, September 15, 2006
King Kong
I rented King Kong...wait, sorry, I rented Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie a few days ago, and just completed it. I didn't really need to complete it to give impressions, but it was so damn short I figured I might as well.
First off, that name. What the hell? I've said it before, but how's about you tone down that hubris, Mr. Jackson? So you won an Academy Award for some dumb-ass movies about a ring that no one outside of geekdom gives a flying fuck about. Lahdi-freakin-dah.
Second, the game's called King Kong (sort of), so why are there only like 5 levels (out of 30 something) devoted to Kong? I haven't seen the film, but I'm betting only about 45 minutes to an hour of the whole 3 and a half hour wankfest is devoted to Kong, even though he's the goddamn title of the movie.
Third, while I can see what they were going for, the whole cinematic experience doesn't really work in a game when you forget the gameplay. Here's the way the Jack levels go: walk through some tunnels, find a spear, light it on fire, burn down some bushes, find a stick thing in order to put it in a post so you can open a door, shoot some enemies, wash, rinse, repeat. All the while some guy, a chick, some punk ass kid, and Jack Black are yelling at you to save them while a giant insect/flying thing/dinosaur tries to eat them. Color me unimpressed.
Let me break it down.
Things that are good:
Jack Black. You really can't dislike Jack Black. Unless he's yelling at you to save him because his leg is being gnawed on by a dinosaur.
Kong. Kong rocks, and I really wish the whole game were about him. Who doesn't like swinging through the forest, running on walls, swatting villagers aside, and snapping dinosaur's necks?
Level design/graphics. This game looks really good, and certain levels look amazing.
A game that feels kinda like a movie. This is good, but not when they forget the gameplay that keeps you interested. Which brings me to...
Things that are bad:
The Jack levels. What a fucking grind. Lighting shit on fire, finding sticks to put in posts that open doors and shit is not inspired gameplay. Hell, it's hardly even gameplay, it's just busy work. I don't like my games to be busy work.
Level design/graphics. I know, I listed this under the good stuff, but it's also bad. For being on the 360, certain things don't look all that great. Some of the textures are bland and overused, the first person weapons look like ass, and some of the levels are boring and cookie cutter. I don't ever want to see tunnels in any first person game ever again. Let me explore the world, assholes, don't confine me to your shitty tunnels.
Length. I'm torn on the length. While I don't think I could sit through more Jack levels, it was also over way too quickly. I'm real glad I didn't drop 60 bucks on this game, since there's absolutely no replay value, either. Any "extras" that might tempt you to replay the game just to see them can be unlocked with a simple code.
A game that doesn't feel like a game. By going the cinematic route, the devs had something that could have been great, but when they forgot they were working on a game, they ended up with a surefire rental (and not even that if the prospect of being Kong doesn't interest you).
Final verdict: Rent it if you have about 6-8 hours to kill and don't mind the skull-crushing agony of suffering through the Jack levels to get to that sweet, giant monkey action. Otherwise, stay away. Run the opposite direction, even.
First off, that name. What the hell? I've said it before, but how's about you tone down that hubris, Mr. Jackson? So you won an Academy Award for some dumb-ass movies about a ring that no one outside of geekdom gives a flying fuck about. Lahdi-freakin-dah.
Second, the game's called King Kong (sort of), so why are there only like 5 levels (out of 30 something) devoted to Kong? I haven't seen the film, but I'm betting only about 45 minutes to an hour of the whole 3 and a half hour wankfest is devoted to Kong, even though he's the goddamn title of the movie.
Third, while I can see what they were going for, the whole cinematic experience doesn't really work in a game when you forget the gameplay. Here's the way the Jack levels go: walk through some tunnels, find a spear, light it on fire, burn down some bushes, find a stick thing in order to put it in a post so you can open a door, shoot some enemies, wash, rinse, repeat. All the while some guy, a chick, some punk ass kid, and Jack Black are yelling at you to save them while a giant insect/flying thing/dinosaur tries to eat them. Color me unimpressed.
Let me break it down.
Things that are good:
Jack Black. You really can't dislike Jack Black. Unless he's yelling at you to save him because his leg is being gnawed on by a dinosaur.
Kong. Kong rocks, and I really wish the whole game were about him. Who doesn't like swinging through the forest, running on walls, swatting villagers aside, and snapping dinosaur's necks?
Level design/graphics. This game looks really good, and certain levels look amazing.
A game that feels kinda like a movie. This is good, but not when they forget the gameplay that keeps you interested. Which brings me to...
Things that are bad:
The Jack levels. What a fucking grind. Lighting shit on fire, finding sticks to put in posts that open doors and shit is not inspired gameplay. Hell, it's hardly even gameplay, it's just busy work. I don't like my games to be busy work.
Level design/graphics. I know, I listed this under the good stuff, but it's also bad. For being on the 360, certain things don't look all that great. Some of the textures are bland and overused, the first person weapons look like ass, and some of the levels are boring and cookie cutter. I don't ever want to see tunnels in any first person game ever again. Let me explore the world, assholes, don't confine me to your shitty tunnels.
Length. I'm torn on the length. While I don't think I could sit through more Jack levels, it was also over way too quickly. I'm real glad I didn't drop 60 bucks on this game, since there's absolutely no replay value, either. Any "extras" that might tempt you to replay the game just to see them can be unlocked with a simple code.
A game that doesn't feel like a game. By going the cinematic route, the devs had something that could have been great, but when they forgot they were working on a game, they ended up with a surefire rental (and not even that if the prospect of being Kong doesn't interest you).
Final verdict: Rent it if you have about 6-8 hours to kill and don't mind the skull-crushing agony of suffering through the Jack levels to get to that sweet, giant monkey action. Otherwise, stay away. Run the opposite direction, even.
Monday, September 11, 2006
We Remember
We remember.
Of course we remember, how can we not? You assholes sure as hell won't let us forget.
Seriously, is this really an anniversary we want to commemorate? I mean, I'm not really comfortable with the anniversary of D-Day. Why this one? People don't make a big deal of the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Don't even think I'm being insensitive to those who were lost. What I'm saying is if we're going to remember someone, we don't celebrate the day they died.
What about other anniversaries? Why don't we commemorate when we landed a craft on Mars, or when we walked on the moon, or when the Civil Rights act was passed, or when schools were desegregated, or when the Social Security Act was passed, or when the 19th Amendment was ratified? What about all that shit, huh? Isn't that some shit we should be reminded of on a yearly basis, instead of a fucking tragedy? What the fuck?
Of course we remember, how can we not? You assholes sure as hell won't let us forget.
Seriously, is this really an anniversary we want to commemorate? I mean, I'm not really comfortable with the anniversary of D-Day. Why this one? People don't make a big deal of the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Don't even think I'm being insensitive to those who were lost. What I'm saying is if we're going to remember someone, we don't celebrate the day they died.
What about other anniversaries? Why don't we commemorate when we landed a craft on Mars, or when we walked on the moon, or when the Civil Rights act was passed, or when schools were desegregated, or when the Social Security Act was passed, or when the 19th Amendment was ratified? What about all that shit, huh? Isn't that some shit we should be reminded of on a yearly basis, instead of a fucking tragedy? What the fuck?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
360 Update
This weekend I finished the main storylines of both Saint's Row and Dead Rising. I say "main" storylines, because there are still a few missions and a handful of sidequests to do before I've truly done everything there is to do in Saint's Row (I'll get around to them eventually), and I survived 72 hours in Dead Rising. There's still overtime mode which is an additional 24 hours, and finally, infinity mode, the goal of which is to survive for 7 full days. I don't know that I'll get around to that, since you can't save at any point during the whole 7 days. Sure, game time is sped up, but that still means about 15 hours of consecutive play. Not sure I want to do that just so I can get the gamer points.
So now that I've seen (almost) everything there is to see about both games, has my opinion of them changed? Not really. Although the early game in Dead Rising is a pain in the ass. They really just should have started you at level 10. Anything less and you're just going to have to start over anyway.
I think both games will go down as a couple of the best for the 360. While you could probably get your fun out of them with just a rental, I feel like my money was well spent. Plus, most people aren't as hardcore as I am, and I'm not even hardcore.
So now that I've seen (almost) everything there is to see about both games, has my opinion of them changed? Not really. Although the early game in Dead Rising is a pain in the ass. They really just should have started you at level 10. Anything less and you're just going to have to start over anyway.
I think both games will go down as a couple of the best for the 360. While you could probably get your fun out of them with just a rental, I feel like my money was well spent. Plus, most people aren't as hardcore as I am, and I'm not even hardcore.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Saint's Rising, or...Dead Row
At the request of Nikoda, I come back to my blog to discuss Dead Rising and Saint's Row.
First up, Dead Rising. A game which I bought, got to play for precisely 2 or 3 hours in one day, and then had to let it sit on my shelf for two and a half weeks while I waited for my Xbox to be repaired. So let me tell you, when I finally did get to play it again, I played it for about 6 hours straight, and then another 6 hours the following day. It's one of the most polished games I've ever played. The controls are nice and tight (although the camera can get a bit wonky in tight areas, a problem which has plagued absolutely every third person game ever), the story is interesting and different (even if you've seen Dawn of the Dead, apparently), the voice acting is damn good, and the graphics are knock your socks off amazing. Especially when there are hundreds of zombies onscreen, all looking different and shuffling differently, with no drop in frame rate.
Let's break it down. Things that are good:
Melee combat. Who hasn't wanted to knock someone's head off with a home run swing? Or crack them in the face with a 2x4? Or chop them in half with a chainsaw? Dead Rising lets you do that to any zombie you meet. Awesome.
Story. When you have a game that almost requires you to play through it more than once, the story better be good. This one is, from what I've seen of it.
Voice acting. No familiar voices here, but they're all really well done. I can't really pick a bad one out of the bunch.
Photography. It's not only a great way to boost your skills in the early game, but it's actually kind of fun blowing a zombie's head off and snapping a pic real quick of the geyser of blood.
Graphics. Easily the best looking game on the 360 so far. Specifically during cutscenes, where the character models and facial expressions can be shown off.
Things that are bad:
Ranged combat. Especially against non-zombies. The gunplay just isn't very well done. I would have preferred an ever present cursor when holding a ranged weapon (or maybe at all times, since you can throw almost every melee weapon in the game, too). Hitting an extra button in order to shoot accurately is a pain in the ass, and makes it so you can't move and shoot at the same time. Bad, bad design, which brings me to the next point.
"Boss" fights. Zombies are human. Or at least, they once were. So I should be able to take their heads off with a sickle, or bisect them with a chainsaw. That makes sense, and I'm glad I can do it. What doesn't make sense is having to fight a supposedly regular human who is nearly immune to every type of attack, whether it be a sledgehammer, lead pipe, pistol, or shotgun. I don't care who you are, if you take a rifle round in the forehead, you're dead. If you take a full load of buckshot in the chest at point blank range, you're dead. If a ten pound sledge slams into the side of your skull, you're dead. Make the "boss" fight challenging in some other way then simply allowing them to cheat, because that's bullshit.
Non-agression in the security room. The security room is your safe haven from the slavering zombies in the mall. It's where you take surviors back to, and it's your base of operations for the entire game. But dammit, if I get frustrated by the zombies or a goddamn "boss" fight, I want to be able to take it out on those bastard survivors! I especially want to kill Otis.
Otis. I hate you, Otis. I hate you with a fucking passion, with every fiber of my being. I don't give a shit what part of the mall I'm in, who's trapped where, what color shoes match my jacket, or what you had for dinner last night. I don't fucking care, Otis, so stop fucking calling me on the goddamn transceiver!
Final verdict: Should be in everyone's collection. Even with the bullshit, it's still a ton of fun to spit in a zombie's face, and then burn it off with a red-hot skillet.
Next we have Saint's Row. Everyone says it's just a copy of GTA: San Andreas, but I don't care. Furthermore, I disagree. Sure, they might have a similar tone and similar elements, but the game itself is quite a bit different. There are a larger variety of missions, much better progression, a better driving model, and a better combat model.
Things that are good:
Free aiming. Finally, a cursor that allows me to aim where I want to shoot, anywhere I want to shoot. No more lock-on, auto-target bullshit that makes me aim at a civilian behind me instead of an enemy in front of me.
Car handling. Cars actually handle differently, instead of just having different speeds, like "slow" or "fast."
Voice acting. Lots of names here, although I had to look at the instruction manual to place a few of them. Very well done.
Story/missions. Varied, fun, and interesting. Lots of different things to see and do.
Graphics. Probably the second best looking game on the 360. Very nice.
Things that are bad:
Auto-fail conditions for missions. So fucking frustrating when the mission tells me I failed, even though I clearly didn't. As an example, if I fail a mission because someone "got away" even though I can still see their car. Bullshit.
No body armor of any kind. At least, none that I've found. Although your health will regenerate eventually, if you're infiltrating an enemy stronghold and they all have sub-machine guns, you can get ganked really quickly. It's also aggravating when some asshole pulls you out of the car and blows you away while you're on the ground, helpless. But I'm nitpicking.
Final verdict: Fucking awesome. Again, as with Dead Rising, even when it's pulling bullshit, there's fun just around the corner.
First up, Dead Rising. A game which I bought, got to play for precisely 2 or 3 hours in one day, and then had to let it sit on my shelf for two and a half weeks while I waited for my Xbox to be repaired. So let me tell you, when I finally did get to play it again, I played it for about 6 hours straight, and then another 6 hours the following day. It's one of the most polished games I've ever played. The controls are nice and tight (although the camera can get a bit wonky in tight areas, a problem which has plagued absolutely every third person game ever), the story is interesting and different (even if you've seen Dawn of the Dead, apparently), the voice acting is damn good, and the graphics are knock your socks off amazing. Especially when there are hundreds of zombies onscreen, all looking different and shuffling differently, with no drop in frame rate.
Let's break it down. Things that are good:
Melee combat. Who hasn't wanted to knock someone's head off with a home run swing? Or crack them in the face with a 2x4? Or chop them in half with a chainsaw? Dead Rising lets you do that to any zombie you meet. Awesome.
Story. When you have a game that almost requires you to play through it more than once, the story better be good. This one is, from what I've seen of it.
Voice acting. No familiar voices here, but they're all really well done. I can't really pick a bad one out of the bunch.
Photography. It's not only a great way to boost your skills in the early game, but it's actually kind of fun blowing a zombie's head off and snapping a pic real quick of the geyser of blood.
Graphics. Easily the best looking game on the 360 so far. Specifically during cutscenes, where the character models and facial expressions can be shown off.
Things that are bad:
Ranged combat. Especially against non-zombies. The gunplay just isn't very well done. I would have preferred an ever present cursor when holding a ranged weapon (or maybe at all times, since you can throw almost every melee weapon in the game, too). Hitting an extra button in order to shoot accurately is a pain in the ass, and makes it so you can't move and shoot at the same time. Bad, bad design, which brings me to the next point.
"Boss" fights. Zombies are human. Or at least, they once were. So I should be able to take their heads off with a sickle, or bisect them with a chainsaw. That makes sense, and I'm glad I can do it. What doesn't make sense is having to fight a supposedly regular human who is nearly immune to every type of attack, whether it be a sledgehammer, lead pipe, pistol, or shotgun. I don't care who you are, if you take a rifle round in the forehead, you're dead. If you take a full load of buckshot in the chest at point blank range, you're dead. If a ten pound sledge slams into the side of your skull, you're dead. Make the "boss" fight challenging in some other way then simply allowing them to cheat, because that's bullshit.
Non-agression in the security room. The security room is your safe haven from the slavering zombies in the mall. It's where you take surviors back to, and it's your base of operations for the entire game. But dammit, if I get frustrated by the zombies or a goddamn "boss" fight, I want to be able to take it out on those bastard survivors! I especially want to kill Otis.
Otis. I hate you, Otis. I hate you with a fucking passion, with every fiber of my being. I don't give a shit what part of the mall I'm in, who's trapped where, what color shoes match my jacket, or what you had for dinner last night. I don't fucking care, Otis, so stop fucking calling me on the goddamn transceiver!
Final verdict: Should be in everyone's collection. Even with the bullshit, it's still a ton of fun to spit in a zombie's face, and then burn it off with a red-hot skillet.
Next we have Saint's Row. Everyone says it's just a copy of GTA: San Andreas, but I don't care. Furthermore, I disagree. Sure, they might have a similar tone and similar elements, but the game itself is quite a bit different. There are a larger variety of missions, much better progression, a better driving model, and a better combat model.
Things that are good:
Free aiming. Finally, a cursor that allows me to aim where I want to shoot, anywhere I want to shoot. No more lock-on, auto-target bullshit that makes me aim at a civilian behind me instead of an enemy in front of me.
Car handling. Cars actually handle differently, instead of just having different speeds, like "slow" or "fast."
Voice acting. Lots of names here, although I had to look at the instruction manual to place a few of them. Very well done.
Story/missions. Varied, fun, and interesting. Lots of different things to see and do.
Graphics. Probably the second best looking game on the 360. Very nice.
Things that are bad:
Auto-fail conditions for missions. So fucking frustrating when the mission tells me I failed, even though I clearly didn't. As an example, if I fail a mission because someone "got away" even though I can still see their car. Bullshit.
No body armor of any kind. At least, none that I've found. Although your health will regenerate eventually, if you're infiltrating an enemy stronghold and they all have sub-machine guns, you can get ganked really quickly. It's also aggravating when some asshole pulls you out of the car and blows you away while you're on the ground, helpless. But I'm nitpicking.
Final verdict: Fucking awesome. Again, as with Dead Rising, even when it's pulling bullshit, there's fun just around the corner.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
More Things
I figure I should post this now, since I get my Xbox back tomorrow and won't be posting anything for a while. I'll be too busy gaming, you see.
First up, the Raiders signed Jeff George today. At first, I wondered why they'd do that. He hasn't played a game in half a decade, after all. But then I thought about it, and realized it makes sense. Art Shell has brought back the high-powered, long-ball offense that fits Aaron Brooks' and Jeff George's styles. Andrew Walter was impressive last year in preseason, and he's been even moreso this preseason. Obviously, he's the future prospect, Brooks is the starter, and George is the veteran backup. I suspect Marques Tuiasosopo will be released before the start of the regular season. There are certainly teams out there that could be upgraded by having Tui as a starter, I think. He just no longer fits into the Raiders style, and at 27, it's do or die time for him.
On the other side of the ball, I really like that the Raiders defense is young and fast, much like the Colts defense has been for the past couple of years. I'm not saying they're as good as the Colts are, but I think the Raiders could surprise a lot of teams this year. Especially if the sportswriters keep underestimating them (last in the AFC West again, they say). We'll see. I can't wait for Monday Night's opener against the Chargers.
Next, I saw Snakes on a Plane over the weekend. That was fun. Bad, but bad in a good way. Therefore, it wasn't the worst movie I've seen at the theatre this year. That title goes to Pirates 2. The more I think about that movie, the more I dislike it. I also dislike all the idiots spewing bullshit about how Pirates 2 is now in the Top 10 of the all time highest grossing movies. No, it isn't. In fact, it's just barely in the Top 50. Go ahead, call me a liar.
That's right, these assholes shouting from the rooftops that Pirates 2 is the fourth highest grossing film of all time, and how Titanic takes the cake are fucking wrong, and they're fucking idiots for using nominal data. If they want to talk about "all time" they need to realize that they're dealing with data over time. When that data is cash receipts in dollars, it has to be adjusted for inflation, or it's useless and meaningless. Using the real data, Pirates 2 ranks at #48. That's just shy of the Top 10, I'm afraid. Oh, and Titanic? #6. Sorry, Kate, Leo, and James. You lose to Gone With the Wind. In fact, every movie today and in the future will always lose to Gone With the Wind, which made almost $200 million in 1939. Domestic box office will never equal more than 1.3 billion dollars. That number will continue to increase with time, of course. Whoops, how's that taste, dipshits?
Finally, my niece started Kindergarten last week. Is it just me, or does time fucking fly? It seems like yesterday I was holding her in my arms at the hospital. Christ.
First up, the Raiders signed Jeff George today. At first, I wondered why they'd do that. He hasn't played a game in half a decade, after all. But then I thought about it, and realized it makes sense. Art Shell has brought back the high-powered, long-ball offense that fits Aaron Brooks' and Jeff George's styles. Andrew Walter was impressive last year in preseason, and he's been even moreso this preseason. Obviously, he's the future prospect, Brooks is the starter, and George is the veteran backup. I suspect Marques Tuiasosopo will be released before the start of the regular season. There are certainly teams out there that could be upgraded by having Tui as a starter, I think. He just no longer fits into the Raiders style, and at 27, it's do or die time for him.
On the other side of the ball, I really like that the Raiders defense is young and fast, much like the Colts defense has been for the past couple of years. I'm not saying they're as good as the Colts are, but I think the Raiders could surprise a lot of teams this year. Especially if the sportswriters keep underestimating them (last in the AFC West again, they say). We'll see. I can't wait for Monday Night's opener against the Chargers.
Next, I saw Snakes on a Plane over the weekend. That was fun. Bad, but bad in a good way. Therefore, it wasn't the worst movie I've seen at the theatre this year. That title goes to Pirates 2. The more I think about that movie, the more I dislike it. I also dislike all the idiots spewing bullshit about how Pirates 2 is now in the Top 10 of the all time highest grossing movies. No, it isn't. In fact, it's just barely in the Top 50. Go ahead, call me a liar.
That's right, these assholes shouting from the rooftops that Pirates 2 is the fourth highest grossing film of all time, and how Titanic takes the cake are fucking wrong, and they're fucking idiots for using nominal data. If they want to talk about "all time" they need to realize that they're dealing with data over time. When that data is cash receipts in dollars, it has to be adjusted for inflation, or it's useless and meaningless. Using the real data, Pirates 2 ranks at #48. That's just shy of the Top 10, I'm afraid. Oh, and Titanic? #6. Sorry, Kate, Leo, and James. You lose to Gone With the Wind. In fact, every movie today and in the future will always lose to Gone With the Wind, which made almost $200 million in 1939. Domestic box office will never equal more than 1.3 billion dollars. That number will continue to increase with time, of course. Whoops, how's that taste, dipshits?
Finally, my niece started Kindergarten last week. Is it just me, or does time fucking fly? It seems like yesterday I was holding her in my arms at the hospital. Christ.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Xbox 360 Update
No updates on games, because I can't play them anyway. This is an update about the status of my console.
First off, I'd like to say that Microsoft has handled this problem very well. I've called them three times, and spoken with friendly and knowledgable reps that go by the book. I got no problem with that, or with them. Hell, I am one of those guys, so I can relate.
I've already detailed the experience of my first call, so I'll skip to my second call. I had already shipped my dead console in the cardboard waste receptacle the same day I received it: 8/17. At this point, I was still well within the 10 business day window that the inital rep had told me it would take from start to finish. So on 8/22, I wasn't really surprised to learn that my console had been delivered to the mortuary that very day. The rep informed me it would be repaired in the next day or so, and suggested I call back Thursday as there would definitely be a tracking number available by then for the return shipment.
Thursday came and went too fast for me to call. So I called today, and was given my tracking number. The rep informed me the package shipped 8/23 (nice), and it should be delivered on 8/29. This struck me as odd, but I wasn't at my computer to double check it, and didn't want to give the guy any shit. So I thanked him and hung up. Here's what I found when I checked the UPS tracker (click for a larger view):
Umm, huh. We'll start at the bottom. UPS received the billing information on 8/23/06. Which means Microsoft paid them for the shipment on Wednesday. But the package didn't actually go out until the next day. That's odd. It goes from the repair center in McAllen, TX (never heard of it, I'm guessing it's a small town), to San Antonio, then Houston.
That makes sense, Houston is huge, they have an airport, big shipping center and shit. But look at what happens in Houston on 8/25. "Out for Delivery?" What the fuck? Obviously, that's an error. So it departs Houston, presumably bound for Oakland or something like that.
But wait a moment, that would make too much sense. No no, my package arrived this morning in Louisville, KY. Louisville, Ken-fucking-tucky! It's been awhile since I had high school geography, but I think Kentucky is a bit to the goddamn east of Texas. Not to mention that the package sat in Kentucky for about 7 hours. I guess UPS used that time to have a circle jerk.
Now we reach the top, "Rescheduled Delivery: 8/29/06." No shit it's a rescheduled delivery, assholes, you fucked that up real good. Basically, if UPS hadn't been complete fucking morons, not only would I have received my Xbox back today, still within the 10 business day timeframe, but I could have played it this weekend. Now I have to wait until next Tuesday. Right here, UPS. Right fucking here.
First off, I'd like to say that Microsoft has handled this problem very well. I've called them three times, and spoken with friendly and knowledgable reps that go by the book. I got no problem with that, or with them. Hell, I am one of those guys, so I can relate.
I've already detailed the experience of my first call, so I'll skip to my second call. I had already shipped my dead console in the cardboard waste receptacle the same day I received it: 8/17. At this point, I was still well within the 10 business day window that the inital rep had told me it would take from start to finish. So on 8/22, I wasn't really surprised to learn that my console had been delivered to the mortuary that very day. The rep informed me it would be repaired in the next day or so, and suggested I call back Thursday as there would definitely be a tracking number available by then for the return shipment.
Thursday came and went too fast for me to call. So I called today, and was given my tracking number. The rep informed me the package shipped 8/23 (nice), and it should be delivered on 8/29. This struck me as odd, but I wasn't at my computer to double check it, and didn't want to give the guy any shit. So I thanked him and hung up. Here's what I found when I checked the UPS tracker (click for a larger view):
Umm, huh. We'll start at the bottom. UPS received the billing information on 8/23/06. Which means Microsoft paid them for the shipment on Wednesday. But the package didn't actually go out until the next day. That's odd. It goes from the repair center in McAllen, TX (never heard of it, I'm guessing it's a small town), to San Antonio, then Houston.
That makes sense, Houston is huge, they have an airport, big shipping center and shit. But look at what happens in Houston on 8/25. "Out for Delivery?" What the fuck? Obviously, that's an error. So it departs Houston, presumably bound for Oakland or something like that.
But wait a moment, that would make too much sense. No no, my package arrived this morning in Louisville, KY. Louisville, Ken-fucking-tucky! It's been awhile since I had high school geography, but I think Kentucky is a bit to the goddamn east of Texas. Not to mention that the package sat in Kentucky for about 7 hours. I guess UPS used that time to have a circle jerk.
Now we reach the top, "Rescheduled Delivery: 8/29/06." No shit it's a rescheduled delivery, assholes, you fucked that up real good. Basically, if UPS hadn't been complete fucking morons, not only would I have received my Xbox back today, still within the 10 business day timeframe, but I could have played it this weekend. Now I have to wait until next Tuesday. Right here, UPS. Right fucking here.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Rad!
Just discovered a nifty little game called Uplink. I played the demo for about 45 minutes, and I'm so hooked. It's too damn late to get the full game tonight, but I'm getting it from Steam first thing tomorrow when I get home. For 20 bucks, they throw in Darwinia, too, which Bill Harris raved about. Rad!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
This Just In...
Nobody gives a shit about the murder of JonBenet Ramsey anymore.
We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.
We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Things
I didn't want to title this post "Stuff" so there you go.
It's now been...11 days since I had a working 360. I finally received the cardboard coffin last Thursday and shipped it off. I hope to have my box or one like it before it died back by Friday. That would be the 10th working day, which the tech suggested was the turnaround time. With my luck, I'll get the box back Wednesday or Thursday the week after. Oh well. I've been biding my time with DVDs, TV, and Civ 4. Ah, Civ 4, how I missed you. There's still only one good mod, but it blows all the other mods away, so it's not a problem.
I watched The Warriors today. The new DVD version, apparently. Not sure what was different, but it was a good flick. Definitely worth a rental, if you're into "guy" movies. Only one explosion, but a lot of fisticuffs. There was one chick with a see-through top, that was nice. One dude was a homophobe, even.
The Raiders are now 3-0 in the preseason, and laid a solid ass-kicking on the Forty-Whiners. Sure, it doesn't count yet, but I got to see a lot of Aaron Brooks, and he impressed me for the first time. Andrew Walter looks damn good, too, though. Luckily, there's still 2 games left before the start of the season to make a starting QB decision.
Finally, I caught the Roast of William Shatner tonight. High-larious. Favorite line? Shatner himself: "Andy Dick. What was that you were so good in? Ah yes, that's right, George Takei's mouth."
It's now been...11 days since I had a working 360. I finally received the cardboard coffin last Thursday and shipped it off. I hope to have my box or one like it before it died back by Friday. That would be the 10th working day, which the tech suggested was the turnaround time. With my luck, I'll get the box back Wednesday or Thursday the week after. Oh well. I've been biding my time with DVDs, TV, and Civ 4. Ah, Civ 4, how I missed you. There's still only one good mod, but it blows all the other mods away, so it's not a problem.
I watched The Warriors today. The new DVD version, apparently. Not sure what was different, but it was a good flick. Definitely worth a rental, if you're into "guy" movies. Only one explosion, but a lot of fisticuffs. There was one chick with a see-through top, that was nice. One dude was a homophobe, even.
The Raiders are now 3-0 in the preseason, and laid a solid ass-kicking on the Forty-Whiners. Sure, it doesn't count yet, but I got to see a lot of Aaron Brooks, and he impressed me for the first time. Andrew Walter looks damn good, too, though. Luckily, there's still 2 games left before the start of the season to make a starting QB decision.
Finally, I caught the Roast of William Shatner tonight. High-larious. Favorite line? Shatner himself: "Andy Dick. What was that you were so good in? Ah yes, that's right, George Takei's mouth."
Saturday, August 19, 2006
The Hobbit
I was going to do a quickie review for this movie, but it's so bad I have to go into detail.
First of all, I read the book in high school, but I don't remember it being like that. The plot was of course similar, and there were certain events that I recall. But the quality was sub-par at best, and absolute shit at worst. Maybe the book was that bad, and I just don't remember because I didn't know what the fuck was good when I was 17. That's probably it. I'll go through it point by point, since I took notes while I watched. I wanted to make sure I could write about it later, just in case I blocked it out of my memory.
It was animated, which would have been fine if the animation was actually good. It wasn't.
The folksy bullshit music was god-awful. The lyrics described shit that was happening, and badly at that. Absolutely terrible; words can't communicate how bad the music was.
Whenever someone or something died, there was a ridiculous spinning animation, and then they disappeared. Apparently that's a less violent way of handling death, but it's a really fucking stupid way of handling death.
Early on, Gandalf showed Bilbo and the dwarves a map, and Bilbo reasoned it was showing a secret entrance. Gandalf blathered something about "knowing it when they knew," and reiterating that it was a secret. Then he handed the head dwarf a key. "Here's the key to the secret door." What the fuck?
The creators had a hard-on for magical swords. Elrond made a big fucking deal about "Orcrist the Goblin-Cleaver" and "Glamdring the Foe-Hammer." Later on, they ran into a group of goblins, who also had to make a big deal over them. "Oh no, that's Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer!" And Bilbo had to make a big fucking deal over naming his pussy dagger "Sting." Who gives a shit, seriously?
Gollum was even more annoying than in the live action films. I didn't think that was possible.
Smaug the dragon had spotlight eyes. His eyes shone big damn lights, like flashlight beams. I wish I was joking.
The king of the Wood Elves sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Again, I wish I was joking.
Talking animals. I know, suspension of disbelief, especially when we're dealing with goblins and trolls and shit, but it's not a fucking Disney movie. Disney movies are good.
I'm not sure if it was intended for television originally, but it seemed like there were clearly defined spots for commercial breaks. That was jarring.
"Bilbo Baggins, that is enough." Jesus H. Christ, what a flaming piece of shit that was. I almost turned it off. More than once, I stared at the screen slack-jawed. I smacked my forehead a couple of times in frustration. Even if you consider yourself a glutton for punishment, stay away from The Hobbit.
Finally, I usually try to be fair in my reviews, and even though this turd doesn't deserve it, there was one good thing about it. At 1 hour and 17 minutes, at least it was over quickly. Unlike Tolkien's self-important books and the self-important live-action movies based on them that take days to get through, The Hobbit ended before I began to seriously contemplate bashing my head against the corner of my desk.
First of all, I read the book in high school, but I don't remember it being like that. The plot was of course similar, and there were certain events that I recall. But the quality was sub-par at best, and absolute shit at worst. Maybe the book was that bad, and I just don't remember because I didn't know what the fuck was good when I was 17. That's probably it. I'll go through it point by point, since I took notes while I watched. I wanted to make sure I could write about it later, just in case I blocked it out of my memory.
It was animated, which would have been fine if the animation was actually good. It wasn't.
The folksy bullshit music was god-awful. The lyrics described shit that was happening, and badly at that. Absolutely terrible; words can't communicate how bad the music was.
Whenever someone or something died, there was a ridiculous spinning animation, and then they disappeared. Apparently that's a less violent way of handling death, but it's a really fucking stupid way of handling death.
Early on, Gandalf showed Bilbo and the dwarves a map, and Bilbo reasoned it was showing a secret entrance. Gandalf blathered something about "knowing it when they knew," and reiterating that it was a secret. Then he handed the head dwarf a key. "Here's the key to the secret door." What the fuck?
The creators had a hard-on for magical swords. Elrond made a big fucking deal about "Orcrist the Goblin-Cleaver" and "Glamdring the Foe-Hammer." Later on, they ran into a group of goblins, who also had to make a big deal over them. "Oh no, that's Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer!" And Bilbo had to make a big fucking deal over naming his pussy dagger "Sting." Who gives a shit, seriously?
Gollum was even more annoying than in the live action films. I didn't think that was possible.
Smaug the dragon had spotlight eyes. His eyes shone big damn lights, like flashlight beams. I wish I was joking.
The king of the Wood Elves sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Again, I wish I was joking.
Talking animals. I know, suspension of disbelief, especially when we're dealing with goblins and trolls and shit, but it's not a fucking Disney movie. Disney movies are good.
I'm not sure if it was intended for television originally, but it seemed like there were clearly defined spots for commercial breaks. That was jarring.
"Bilbo Baggins, that is enough." Jesus H. Christ, what a flaming piece of shit that was. I almost turned it off. More than once, I stared at the screen slack-jawed. I smacked my forehead a couple of times in frustration. Even if you consider yourself a glutton for punishment, stay away from The Hobbit.
Finally, I usually try to be fair in my reviews, and even though this turd doesn't deserve it, there was one good thing about it. At 1 hour and 17 minutes, at least it was over quickly. Unlike Tolkien's self-important books and the self-important live-action movies based on them that take days to get through, The Hobbit ended before I began to seriously contemplate bashing my head against the corner of my desk.
TV on DVD Recommendations
This is something I haven't done in this blog yet, but I figure you gotta start somewhere. And since I watch a shitload of TV on DVD, why the hell not?
First up is a set I just picked up off my doorstep today, Animaniacs Volume 1. I remember watching the Animaniacs (and Tiny Toon Adventures, but they're not on DVD yet) after school when I was in the 6th grade. It was hilarious then, and it's hilarious now. Like any good animation, the Animaniacs have humor that both kids and adults can enjoy, and certain jokes are geared specifically towards the adults. Great stuff, and I can't wait to add future volumes to my collection.
Keeping with the animation, The Boondocks Season 1 Uncut and Uncensored is fantastic. I was a big fan of the comic strip until the asshats in my city bitched and got it pulled from the local paper. Then along comes the TV show on Adult Swim, and I fell in love all over again. The start of the second season was pushed back because the network upped the episode order, so there's still plenty of time to get caught up on the first season.
Finally, a show that I just recently got into and have a shitload of catching up to do, The Dead Zone. I rented the first season from Netflix and really enjoyed it. I've got 3 more seasons to get through on DVD, by which time the 5th season will probably be on DVD, so I could rent that one, too. I've gotta say, USA network makes some quality shows.
First up is a set I just picked up off my doorstep today, Animaniacs Volume 1. I remember watching the Animaniacs (and Tiny Toon Adventures, but they're not on DVD yet) after school when I was in the 6th grade. It was hilarious then, and it's hilarious now. Like any good animation, the Animaniacs have humor that both kids and adults can enjoy, and certain jokes are geared specifically towards the adults. Great stuff, and I can't wait to add future volumes to my collection.
Keeping with the animation, The Boondocks Season 1 Uncut and Uncensored is fantastic. I was a big fan of the comic strip until the asshats in my city bitched and got it pulled from the local paper. Then along comes the TV show on Adult Swim, and I fell in love all over again. The start of the second season was pushed back because the network upped the episode order, so there's still plenty of time to get caught up on the first season.
Finally, a show that I just recently got into and have a shitload of catching up to do, The Dead Zone. I rented the first season from Netflix and really enjoyed it. I've got 3 more seasons to get through on DVD, by which time the 5th season will probably be on DVD, so I could rent that one, too. I've gotta say, USA network makes some quality shows.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Two Quickies
Movie reviews, that is.
The Grapes of Wrath, not rated, starring Henry Fonda. A classic. Not bad. I must have read the book in high school, but I honestly don't remember it. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a rental.
Why We Fight, rated PG-13. A documentary that uses President Dwight D. Eisenhower's final address as a backdrop. Eisenhower warned against the military-industrial complex gaining too much power. 45 years later, this documentary shows that Eisenhower was all too right. Recommended viewing, even if you're not a leftist commie pinko.
The Grapes of Wrath, not rated, starring Henry Fonda. A classic. Not bad. I must have read the book in high school, but I honestly don't remember it. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a rental.
Why We Fight, rated PG-13. A documentary that uses President Dwight D. Eisenhower's final address as a backdrop. Eisenhower warned against the military-industrial complex gaining too much power. 45 years later, this documentary shows that Eisenhower was all too right. Recommended viewing, even if you're not a leftist commie pinko.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!
Tonight, I watched The Wizard of Oz for the first time (believe it or not). I thoroughly enjoyed it. But you don't need me to tell you it's a great movie, because you've already seen it and know this. I can't explain how I missed it. It should be required viewing for every kid. They show it all the time on TV. I just managed to miss it for 24 years.
Of course, I've heard all the references (the title of this post, "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too," "Oh Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore") and songs, but never actually saw the flick.
I didn't really dislike anything about it. Some of the effects were quaint, but most were very well done. The makeup was spectacular. I kept waiting for the Wheelers to show up, until I realized they were in that other movie that shall not be named. The running time was perfect, it never dragged and moved right along. I wish they hadn't made the Munchkins sound like Chipmunks, but according to IMDB, that was partially because most of the actors didn't speak English.
In short, The Wizard of Oz is frickin' great. Two thumbs up.
Of course, I've heard all the references (the title of this post, "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too," "Oh Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore") and songs, but never actually saw the flick.
I didn't really dislike anything about it. Some of the effects were quaint, but most were very well done. The makeup was spectacular. I kept waiting for the Wheelers to show up, until I realized they were in that other movie that shall not be named. The running time was perfect, it never dragged and moved right along. I wish they hadn't made the Munchkins sound like Chipmunks, but according to IMDB, that was partially because most of the actors didn't speak English.
In short, The Wizard of Oz is frickin' great. Two thumbs up.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Oh Hell Yes
This is awesome news. And did I call it, or did I call it? The PDF document linked to in the article is also a fantastic read. Very interesting stuff in there about Marvel's previous projects, and of course, their upcoming projects, which just so happen to include The Avengers.
Friday, August 11, 2006
A Couple More Things
Oh, how I wish I could play Dead Rising. It sits there, on my shelf, calling out to me. It wants me to play it. I want to play it. But alas, I cannot. I so wish my Xbox worked.
Apparently I'm not the only one (besides the countless people on the net, but I don't know them) whose Xbox crapped out. I called a friend of mine yesterday when my box died to see if he knew anybody who did Xbox repair that he could recommend. He called me back today to let me know that he had just turned his 360 on and got the flashing red lights of death. Luckily, he's had it for less than 3 months, and probably never registered it anyway, so I told him to call MS after relating my story. Dead Xboxes = not an isolated incident.
This whole experience has really opened my eyes. I've never been an early adopter. Especially with the consoles, I think the only system I bought so close to launch was the 360, and even that was 6 months after the fact. But from now on, I'm not only waiting until a second (or possibly a third) hardware revision comes out, but I'm getting an extended warranty if the standard warranty is anything less than a year. I don't care how great the games are at launch or post launch, if everyone else has one already, or if the first hundred thousand customers get a free blowjob with purchase. Not doing it.
In other news, preseason football started last Sunday. That means only a month to go before the regular season starts. Personally, I still have my doubts about Aaron Brooks, but we'll have to wait and see. I have confidence in Art Shell and Al Davis. Just win, baby!
Apparently I'm not the only one (besides the countless people on the net, but I don't know them) whose Xbox crapped out. I called a friend of mine yesterday when my box died to see if he knew anybody who did Xbox repair that he could recommend. He called me back today to let me know that he had just turned his 360 on and got the flashing red lights of death. Luckily, he's had it for less than 3 months, and probably never registered it anyway, so I told him to call MS after relating my story. Dead Xboxes = not an isolated incident.
This whole experience has really opened my eyes. I've never been an early adopter. Especially with the consoles, I think the only system I bought so close to launch was the 360, and even that was 6 months after the fact. But from now on, I'm not only waiting until a second (or possibly a third) hardware revision comes out, but I'm getting an extended warranty if the standard warranty is anything less than a year. I don't care how great the games are at launch or post launch, if everyone else has one already, or if the first hundred thousand customers get a free blowjob with purchase. Not doing it.
In other news, preseason football started last Sunday. That means only a month to go before the regular season starts. Personally, I still have my doubts about Aaron Brooks, but we'll have to wait and see. I have confidence in Art Shell and Al Davis. Just win, baby!
On Microsoft
I was a huge hater on Microsoft back in the day. On the PC side of things, I suppose I still am. Yeah, I use Windows, but that's only because I'm too damn lazy to learn a UNIX-based OS. I parlayed that hate into the console division, until I realized the PC side and the console side of Microsoft were two very different entities. I once vowed I'd never buy an Xbox. I eventually broke that vow. I even went so far as to predict Microsoft would win this round of the console war.
Now I'm not so sure. Sony has done just about everything wrong up to this point, whereas Microsoft (seemingly) had done everything right, or so I thought. Until yesterday.
I was reading the forums yesterday and today about all the horror stories with the 360. Disc drive errors. Hard drive errors. Memory errors. Video errors. Overheating. "Unknown" errors. Hundreds, thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands of dead boxes. Dead boxes that were dead because of known issues. What is Microsoft doing to fix these problems?
First off, if you're within the 90 day warranty, you're golden, cause you get a free replacement. Which is usually what it is, a replacement, rather than a repair. I suppose that's fine, especially when you're dealing with a manufacturer and not a reseller. Especially since nobody wants to wait a week or more for some shmuck to fix your shit, you just want to get back to gaming.
But if you're out of your 90 day warranty? You gotta pay $160 for your replacement. Tack on an additional 60 bucks if you want a two year extended warranty. This is especially heinous if you got a Core console, since you'd now be just $80 short of getting a brand new box.
Let me tell you: that is not the way to turn a negative into a positive. That's not the way to gain goodwill. How would you feel if you dropped $400 on a console only to have it die 3 and a half months later, a mere two weeks out of warranty, so you then had to drop another $220 to get a replacement and a guarantee of a replacement any time within the following 2 years if that one craps out too? Not to mention having to go 2-3 weeks without being able to play? I'd be pissed.
That said, I'm not pissed. Primarily because I'm not an idiot. Let me explain. I don't register shit. I don't register software, I don't register hardware, I wouldn't even be registered to vote if my parents hadn't practically forced me to 6 years ago. That's point number one. Point number two is I don't volunteer information to tech support that's irrelevant. If you don't ask me specifically about this or that, I'm not telling you anything other than what the problem is.
For example. I called MS today after work. Tech guy picks up, asks how he can help me. I explain the situation. "I've had my 360 for a couple of months (which is technically true, I just didn't say how many months), and it worked fine, until yesterday. I put in Dead Rising, played for about two minutes, and then it froze. I turned it off, let it sit for a moment, and turned it back on. Played for another two minutes, it froze again. I took out Dead Rising, put in Kameo, and rebooted. This time I played for about 30 seconds before it froze. I shut it down, and went to the support website. I tried everything there, unplugged everything, plugged it back in, tried it without the hard drive, different games, still the same problem. I couldn't play for more than a few minutes before it froze."
The tech guy says, "Ok, let me get some information." Name, serial number, address. He asks if I've registered my console. I say, "I don't think so (actually, I know I haven't)." He registers the console for me. He clarifies that I tried everything on the website, I say yes. He asks if the Dead Rising disc is clean and free of scratches. I say of course it is, I just got it two days ago. He says he'll submit a repair ticket, and send me out a box (a cardboard coffin, as it were) to ship the console in. He says since I'm still under warranty until October 19, 2006, the repair or replacement will be free. My warranty will be extended an additional 30 days once I get the system back. Total turnaround time is about 10 business days.
It's at this point I ask about an extended warranty. He says I can call back within the 30 days to get an additional year for $30, or two years for $60. I thank him for his help, the call concludes.
Am I satisfied with the way Microsoft handled my problem? Yes, but only because I'm not an idiot. People on the forums whine about how they registered their console the day they bought it, and now it's dead after 5 months, so they have to pay the $160. Or how when they talked to tech support they told the guy they got their Xbox on launch day, so registered or no, it's not under warranty. There was one guy whose box was no longer under warranty, so he opened it up to see what he could do. Failing that, he called support and tried to pay to get it fixed. Since he also told the tech guy that he had opened his box, MS refused to take it back, even with payment. Apparently when they say modifying the console in any way voids your warranty, it also voids your official service contract.
Obviously that's not what those people should have done, but there's plenty of blame to go around. A 90 day warranty? Come on, that's a slap in the face. Charging $160 for out of warranty service? That's a full-on ass-reaming. Especially for known issues.
And then there's the idiots and assholes who spouted shit all over the place earlier this year when they claimed only the launch boxes had problems, and a new version of the console had been released. Wrong. They were either talking out of their ass, or deliberately lying. There's only one version of the hardware, and whether your box was manufactured in November of 2005, or July of 2006, there's a not-insignificant chance it'll die before its time. That's BS, MS.
What Microsoft should be doing is honoring anyone who calls in with a problem, regardless of warranty. We're less than a year out from launch, folks, these things should not be failing yet. Hell, they shouldn't be failing at all; I still have an NES that my Dad bought me in 1987 that works great. And if Microsoft is so serious about gaming, they should realize gamers want to game. So forget about this "we send you a box, then we check out your system for a few days, and send you another system" shit. When a customer calls, you take his credit card number, and ship him a new system with a return box. If you don't get the busted system within a month or whatever, you charge him for the new system. A lot less downtime, and you're still protected from fraud.
I seriously hope they're hard at work on new hardware that doesn't have crippling problems. The brass claim the return rate was well below the 3-5% average, but that was back in December. I wonder if that's still the case. Even if it's at the average now, let's say MS has sold 5 million units. 5% of 5 million is 250,000. That's a pretty damn big number, and I can't help but think that its quite a bit bigger than that. And even if it is at the average, or still below it, that's not necessarily something to be excited about. Average is not what you want to be; average does not win wars.
Which is what it ultimately comes down to. Like I said, Sony has seemingly done everything wrong, but this is the first wrong step for Microsoft. If they continue to make mistakes, who knows what could happen. Here's hoping MS rights itself and Sony smacks into a brick wall.
Now I'm not so sure. Sony has done just about everything wrong up to this point, whereas Microsoft (seemingly) had done everything right, or so I thought. Until yesterday.
I was reading the forums yesterday and today about all the horror stories with the 360. Disc drive errors. Hard drive errors. Memory errors. Video errors. Overheating. "Unknown" errors. Hundreds, thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands of dead boxes. Dead boxes that were dead because of known issues. What is Microsoft doing to fix these problems?
First off, if you're within the 90 day warranty, you're golden, cause you get a free replacement. Which is usually what it is, a replacement, rather than a repair. I suppose that's fine, especially when you're dealing with a manufacturer and not a reseller. Especially since nobody wants to wait a week or more for some shmuck to fix your shit, you just want to get back to gaming.
But if you're out of your 90 day warranty? You gotta pay $160 for your replacement. Tack on an additional 60 bucks if you want a two year extended warranty. This is especially heinous if you got a Core console, since you'd now be just $80 short of getting a brand new box.
Let me tell you: that is not the way to turn a negative into a positive. That's not the way to gain goodwill. How would you feel if you dropped $400 on a console only to have it die 3 and a half months later, a mere two weeks out of warranty, so you then had to drop another $220 to get a replacement and a guarantee of a replacement any time within the following 2 years if that one craps out too? Not to mention having to go 2-3 weeks without being able to play? I'd be pissed.
That said, I'm not pissed. Primarily because I'm not an idiot. Let me explain. I don't register shit. I don't register software, I don't register hardware, I wouldn't even be registered to vote if my parents hadn't practically forced me to 6 years ago. That's point number one. Point number two is I don't volunteer information to tech support that's irrelevant. If you don't ask me specifically about this or that, I'm not telling you anything other than what the problem is.
For example. I called MS today after work. Tech guy picks up, asks how he can help me. I explain the situation. "I've had my 360 for a couple of months (which is technically true, I just didn't say how many months), and it worked fine, until yesterday. I put in Dead Rising, played for about two minutes, and then it froze. I turned it off, let it sit for a moment, and turned it back on. Played for another two minutes, it froze again. I took out Dead Rising, put in Kameo, and rebooted. This time I played for about 30 seconds before it froze. I shut it down, and went to the support website. I tried everything there, unplugged everything, plugged it back in, tried it without the hard drive, different games, still the same problem. I couldn't play for more than a few minutes before it froze."
The tech guy says, "Ok, let me get some information." Name, serial number, address. He asks if I've registered my console. I say, "I don't think so (actually, I know I haven't)." He registers the console for me. He clarifies that I tried everything on the website, I say yes. He asks if the Dead Rising disc is clean and free of scratches. I say of course it is, I just got it two days ago. He says he'll submit a repair ticket, and send me out a box (a cardboard coffin, as it were) to ship the console in. He says since I'm still under warranty until October 19, 2006, the repair or replacement will be free. My warranty will be extended an additional 30 days once I get the system back. Total turnaround time is about 10 business days.
It's at this point I ask about an extended warranty. He says I can call back within the 30 days to get an additional year for $30, or two years for $60. I thank him for his help, the call concludes.
Am I satisfied with the way Microsoft handled my problem? Yes, but only because I'm not an idiot. People on the forums whine about how they registered their console the day they bought it, and now it's dead after 5 months, so they have to pay the $160. Or how when they talked to tech support they told the guy they got their Xbox on launch day, so registered or no, it's not under warranty. There was one guy whose box was no longer under warranty, so he opened it up to see what he could do. Failing that, he called support and tried to pay to get it fixed. Since he also told the tech guy that he had opened his box, MS refused to take it back, even with payment. Apparently when they say modifying the console in any way voids your warranty, it also voids your official service contract.
Obviously that's not what those people should have done, but there's plenty of blame to go around. A 90 day warranty? Come on, that's a slap in the face. Charging $160 for out of warranty service? That's a full-on ass-reaming. Especially for known issues.
And then there's the idiots and assholes who spouted shit all over the place earlier this year when they claimed only the launch boxes had problems, and a new version of the console had been released. Wrong. They were either talking out of their ass, or deliberately lying. There's only one version of the hardware, and whether your box was manufactured in November of 2005, or July of 2006, there's a not-insignificant chance it'll die before its time. That's BS, MS.
What Microsoft should be doing is honoring anyone who calls in with a problem, regardless of warranty. We're less than a year out from launch, folks, these things should not be failing yet. Hell, they shouldn't be failing at all; I still have an NES that my Dad bought me in 1987 that works great. And if Microsoft is so serious about gaming, they should realize gamers want to game. So forget about this "we send you a box, then we check out your system for a few days, and send you another system" shit. When a customer calls, you take his credit card number, and ship him a new system with a return box. If you don't get the busted system within a month or whatever, you charge him for the new system. A lot less downtime, and you're still protected from fraud.
I seriously hope they're hard at work on new hardware that doesn't have crippling problems. The brass claim the return rate was well below the 3-5% average, but that was back in December. I wonder if that's still the case. Even if it's at the average now, let's say MS has sold 5 million units. 5% of 5 million is 250,000. That's a pretty damn big number, and I can't help but think that its quite a bit bigger than that. And even if it is at the average, or still below it, that's not necessarily something to be excited about. Average is not what you want to be; average does not win wars.
Which is what it ultimately comes down to. Like I said, Sony has seemingly done everything wrong, but this is the first wrong step for Microsoft. If they continue to make mistakes, who knows what could happen. Here's hoping MS rights itself and Sony smacks into a brick wall.
God Fucking Dammit
Why can't I have nice things? Seriously, it seems like everytime things are going good, life decides to take a shit on my head.
Well, maybe not all the time, but that's what I feel like right now.
See that post down there? Just one post down, about how I'm so happy I have a 360 because awesome games are starting to hit right now? Dead Rising is indeed kickass, I picked it up yesterday and had a shit-ton of fun with it. I really wish I could have played it tonight.
But oh, I can't. You know why? Because my Xbox is fucking broken, that's why! It chose now, today, after 4 months of functioning flawlessly, to kick the bucket. No warning, no sketchy behavior, just a normal boot, then a freeze. After a restart, it gave me flashing red lights of death.
Notice I said 4 months. Normally, with just about every consumer electronic on the market (literally 99.9% of them) I'd have a one year manufacturer's warranty. No problem, send it back in, get it fixed, bada bing, bada boom, right?
Wrong.
The 360 has a 90 day warranty. That's 3 months. You don't see 90 day warranties on products unless they're from some fly by night company. Microsoft, for all their faults, is not a fly by night company. So why the 90 day warranty? Don't ask me.
All I know is, I have to call them tomorrow to see what I can do. I'm too tired to deal with it tonight. I don't know if I can get a replacement, or if I have to pay for repairs, or what. Chances are, though, I'm looking at about 2-3 weeks, at least, with no Xbox. And that makes Heath a sad panda.
Right now I have to enjoy having a four hundred dollar paperweight.
Well, maybe not all the time, but that's what I feel like right now.
See that post down there? Just one post down, about how I'm so happy I have a 360 because awesome games are starting to hit right now? Dead Rising is indeed kickass, I picked it up yesterday and had a shit-ton of fun with it. I really wish I could have played it tonight.
But oh, I can't. You know why? Because my Xbox is fucking broken, that's why! It chose now, today, after 4 months of functioning flawlessly, to kick the bucket. No warning, no sketchy behavior, just a normal boot, then a freeze. After a restart, it gave me flashing red lights of death.
Notice I said 4 months. Normally, with just about every consumer electronic on the market (literally 99.9% of them) I'd have a one year manufacturer's warranty. No problem, send it back in, get it fixed, bada bing, bada boom, right?
Wrong.
The 360 has a 90 day warranty. That's 3 months. You don't see 90 day warranties on products unless they're from some fly by night company. Microsoft, for all their faults, is not a fly by night company. So why the 90 day warranty? Don't ask me.
All I know is, I have to call them tomorrow to see what I can do. I'm too tired to deal with it tonight. I don't know if I can get a replacement, or if I have to pay for repairs, or what. Chances are, though, I'm looking at about 2-3 weeks, at least, with no Xbox. And that makes Heath a sad panda.
Right now I have to enjoy having a four hundred dollar paperweight.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
I'm so glad I bought a 360
Because it's already paid off, and there's plenty more gaming goodness coming down the pipe.
Since the last time I made a post like this, quite a few things have happened.
I finally finished Oblivion, which was one of the games I got with my 360. That kicked ass.
I also finished Hitman (although I might have made a post about that one), and that kicked ass, too.
I completed the single player storyline of Prey as well. I had previously mentioned that I hoped Prey would be better than Doom 3, and I think it was. About 10-12 hours for the campaign, which is all you can really expect from a shooter. I've taken it online a few times, and while the online play is alright, it's only really fun when there's 6 or more people in Deathmatch, and you're not getting horrendous lag. Any less than that and it's not frantic enough. Team Deathmatch blows cock, especially if your team is losing and your teammates quit out (that happened to me today, and since I was no longer having fun getting anally raped by the other team, I quit out, too. Then those fuckers had the gall to rate me that I have poor conduct because I "Quit the game early." Fucking cockknockers).
I recently picked up GRAW again, too, after letting it sit for about 3 months. I had become frustrated with it because it was so damn hard, even on normal difficulty, and completely unforgiving if you made a mistake. It's still fucking hard, but I think I can manage it. The story is actually pretty interesting, so I'd like to finish it.
Chromehounds came out, but I haven't checked it out yet. There's no demo, and from what everyone's saying, the game is all about the multiplayer (the single player game is just there to prepare you for MP). I'll give it a rental and see if I like it.
Dead Rising's release date got pushed up from the last time I posted about it, and it now hits stores on Tuesday. I can't wait. I got the demo 2 days ago and I've probably played through the 15 time limit at least a dozen times.
Next up after Dead Rising is Madden 07, which I'm still on the fence about. I probably won't end up getting it until a few weeks after it comes out (7/22), since I want to know if it's actually worth buying. A demo won't tell me that. Bill Harris over at Dubious Quality will tell me that.
At the end of this month, it's Saint's Row time, which I'm overjoyed wasn't pushed back. The demo was released last week, and while it's a little rough around the edges, it's definitely something to keep busy with until the next GTA game comes out in 14 months.
In non-360 news, November is going to be awesome. Both the Wiiiiiiiiiii and Guitar Hero 2 come out in November.
Guitar Hero is the only game I can think of that came out a year ago and I'm still playing it. Not put it down for 6 months, then started playing again because I got the urge, no, I've been playing Guitar Hero about once a week every week since I got it last year. Guitar Hero 2 promises to be even better.
And since I've purchased every Nintendo console since the original NES (even if you count the Virtual Boy as a console), I'm definitely getting a Wiiiiiiiii on launch day. Wiiiiii Sports? ExciteTruck? Metal Slug Anthology? Red Steel? Metroid Prime 3? Zelda: Twilight Princess? Shit, the only games that would make that launch lineup better would be Mario Galaxy and the new Smash Bros.
Since the last time I made a post like this, quite a few things have happened.
I finally finished Oblivion, which was one of the games I got with my 360. That kicked ass.
I also finished Hitman (although I might have made a post about that one), and that kicked ass, too.
I completed the single player storyline of Prey as well. I had previously mentioned that I hoped Prey would be better than Doom 3, and I think it was. About 10-12 hours for the campaign, which is all you can really expect from a shooter. I've taken it online a few times, and while the online play is alright, it's only really fun when there's 6 or more people in Deathmatch, and you're not getting horrendous lag. Any less than that and it's not frantic enough. Team Deathmatch blows cock, especially if your team is losing and your teammates quit out (that happened to me today, and since I was no longer having fun getting anally raped by the other team, I quit out, too. Then those fuckers had the gall to rate me that I have poor conduct because I "Quit the game early." Fucking cockknockers).
I recently picked up GRAW again, too, after letting it sit for about 3 months. I had become frustrated with it because it was so damn hard, even on normal difficulty, and completely unforgiving if you made a mistake. It's still fucking hard, but I think I can manage it. The story is actually pretty interesting, so I'd like to finish it.
Chromehounds came out, but I haven't checked it out yet. There's no demo, and from what everyone's saying, the game is all about the multiplayer (the single player game is just there to prepare you for MP). I'll give it a rental and see if I like it.
Dead Rising's release date got pushed up from the last time I posted about it, and it now hits stores on Tuesday. I can't wait. I got the demo 2 days ago and I've probably played through the 15 time limit at least a dozen times.
Next up after Dead Rising is Madden 07, which I'm still on the fence about. I probably won't end up getting it until a few weeks after it comes out (7/22), since I want to know if it's actually worth buying. A demo won't tell me that. Bill Harris over at Dubious Quality will tell me that.
At the end of this month, it's Saint's Row time, which I'm overjoyed wasn't pushed back. The demo was released last week, and while it's a little rough around the edges, it's definitely something to keep busy with until the next GTA game comes out in 14 months.
In non-360 news, November is going to be awesome. Both the Wiiiiiiiiiii and Guitar Hero 2 come out in November.
Guitar Hero is the only game I can think of that came out a year ago and I'm still playing it. Not put it down for 6 months, then started playing again because I got the urge, no, I've been playing Guitar Hero about once a week every week since I got it last year. Guitar Hero 2 promises to be even better.
And since I've purchased every Nintendo console since the original NES (even if you count the Virtual Boy as a console), I'm definitely getting a Wiiiiiiiii on launch day. Wiiiiii Sports? ExciteTruck? Metal Slug Anthology? Red Steel? Metroid Prime 3? Zelda: Twilight Princess? Shit, the only games that would make that launch lineup better would be Mario Galaxy and the new Smash Bros.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
An Inconvenient Truth
No, this isn't another movie review post, but it is related to a film. I haven't seen An Inconvient Truth, but I want to. Word is it opened in Stockton this weekend, which I wish I had known about yesterday, so Justin and I could have gone to see it. Hopefully it'll still be playing next weekend.
So I was reading the paper today, and I decided to check out the Opinion/Letters section (something I rarely do, since the stupidity is blinding). I ran across this gem. I'll break it down piece by piece.
"Sometimes I get discouraged, but my faith is restored by letters to The Record that deny global warming."
Oh shit. He mentioned faith. This is gonna be one of those Jesus-freak bible-thumping mother fuckers.
"Americans are famous for common sense and open minds. Thank God enough people with common sense can see that Al Gore and global warming are just plain silly."
Wait, now he mentioned common sense and open minds. Is this a sarcastic letter?
"A majority of scientists say there is global warming, which shows how common sense disappears at the gates to our universities. The scientists are herd animals, trying to get to tenure pasture."
Ok, I've met my share of folks with PhDs who aren't very smart, but that's ridiculous. Does he really think professors write papers and do research just because they want tenure? And that those papers would somehow be accepted into scholarly journals (which are independent from the tenure committees at their local universities) if they were pure bullshit? Maybe this isn't sarcasm.
"Earth's atmosphere is too big and too divinely designed for man to cause something as cataclysmic as global warming. It's common sense."
Nope. Definitely not sarcasm. Just stupidity.
"Scientists who blame warming on the burning of gas and coal are fossil fools. Man has been burning things for centuries. We've had cars for 100 years. Why, all of a sudden, is it a problem?"
I make no claims to be an expert on global warming, but it's crystal clear that this dumbass doesn't know the first thing about it. He's awfully quick to dismiss the findings of "scientists," while spouting nonsense about the Earth's atmosphere being divinely inspired, and using such quantifiable terms as "big."
"Only because extremist environmentalists like Gore need an issue. They get government grants to study this stuff and live off taxpayers."
Ah yes, taxes. The dreaded government taxation that provides such services like healthcare assistance, public schools and libraries, public transit, roads, grants for higher education, and countless other things that make our lives better. God forbid the government give some of that money to folks who use it to research solutions to problems that would otherwise make our lives worse.
"How can we have global warming (which assumes Earth is a globe) when common sense says the Earth is flat?"
...
Wait. What did he say?
"How can we have global warming (which assumes Earth is a globe) when common sense says the Earth is flat?"
...
That's what I thought he said.
"William West,
Stockton."
Well, William West, you sir, are a fucking idiot. And I am now permanently dumber for having read your letter. How did you even learn to read and write, since you're apparently developmentally disabled? Or did you have your personal assistant write the letter for you while you pointed at pictures of the idea you wanted to convey and made gurgling noises? I'm ashamed that I have to share my town with you. But I do wish you success, so you can buy a large house with many floors. Then you can trip and fall down a few flights of stairs on your way to breakfast and break your stupid goddamn neck.
So I was reading the paper today, and I decided to check out the Opinion/Letters section (something I rarely do, since the stupidity is blinding). I ran across this gem. I'll break it down piece by piece.
"Sometimes I get discouraged, but my faith is restored by letters to The Record that deny global warming."
Oh shit. He mentioned faith. This is gonna be one of those Jesus-freak bible-thumping mother fuckers.
"Americans are famous for common sense and open minds. Thank God enough people with common sense can see that Al Gore and global warming are just plain silly."
Wait, now he mentioned common sense and open minds. Is this a sarcastic letter?
"A majority of scientists say there is global warming, which shows how common sense disappears at the gates to our universities. The scientists are herd animals, trying to get to tenure pasture."
Ok, I've met my share of folks with PhDs who aren't very smart, but that's ridiculous. Does he really think professors write papers and do research just because they want tenure? And that those papers would somehow be accepted into scholarly journals (which are independent from the tenure committees at their local universities) if they were pure bullshit? Maybe this isn't sarcasm.
"Earth's atmosphere is too big and too divinely designed for man to cause something as cataclysmic as global warming. It's common sense."
Nope. Definitely not sarcasm. Just stupidity.
"Scientists who blame warming on the burning of gas and coal are fossil fools. Man has been burning things for centuries. We've had cars for 100 years. Why, all of a sudden, is it a problem?"
I make no claims to be an expert on global warming, but it's crystal clear that this dumbass doesn't know the first thing about it. He's awfully quick to dismiss the findings of "scientists," while spouting nonsense about the Earth's atmosphere being divinely inspired, and using such quantifiable terms as "big."
"Only because extremist environmentalists like Gore need an issue. They get government grants to study this stuff and live off taxpayers."
Ah yes, taxes. The dreaded government taxation that provides such services like healthcare assistance, public schools and libraries, public transit, roads, grants for higher education, and countless other things that make our lives better. God forbid the government give some of that money to folks who use it to research solutions to problems that would otherwise make our lives worse.
"How can we have global warming (which assumes Earth is a globe) when common sense says the Earth is flat?"
...
Wait. What did he say?
"How can we have global warming (which assumes Earth is a globe) when common sense says the Earth is flat?"
...
That's what I thought he said.
"William West,
Stockton."
Well, William West, you sir, are a fucking idiot. And I am now permanently dumber for having read your letter. How did you even learn to read and write, since you're apparently developmentally disabled? Or did you have your personal assistant write the letter for you while you pointed at pictures of the idea you wanted to convey and made gurgling noises? I'm ashamed that I have to share my town with you. But I do wish you success, so you can buy a large house with many floors. Then you can trip and fall down a few flights of stairs on your way to breakfast and break your stupid goddamn neck.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
One More Thing About Superman
This is something I didn't think of until after the second viewing, but this would have been awesome. They take Supes into the OR, they've got him hooked up to the machines and whatnot, they give him the juice from the defibrilator, and he flatlines. *boooooooooooop* Fade to black, roll credits.
I mean, shit, talk about internet controversy. Talk about repeat business. Talk about getting people excited for a sequel. I would have shit my pants if the movie had ended that way, but I would have been jacked. And Pirates? Who would have given a shit about Pirates? Superman is dead, what's gonna happen next?
I mean, shit, talk about internet controversy. Talk about repeat business. Talk about getting people excited for a sequel. I would have shit my pants if the movie had ended that way, but I would have been jacked. And Pirates? Who would have given a shit about Pirates? Superman is dead, what's gonna happen next?
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Weekend Movie Reviews
First up, a couple of flicks I caught one more time this weekend because I liked them so much.
Clerks 2. If you haven't seen it, stop reading, call some friends, and go. I'll wait.
Ok, good. Wasn't that hilarious? I tried to get a bunch of friends together to go see it this weekend, but almost everybody flaked out. Bitches. One thing I noticed on a second viewing is how good Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson are. I don't know why they haven't done more films, other than bit parts and whatnot in Kevin Smith's flicks.
Superman Returns. I had a couple of free passes, so I figured I might as well see it again before it slips out of theatres. Plus, the first time I saw it was in about the third row at an IMAX, so it was nice to see it at a comfortable distance. I don't know why it didn't make more of an impact at the box office than it did. Sure, Pirates 2 came out the very next weekend, but I don't understand why it made such a huge impact, since Superman was the better film all around (and I'm not saying that just because I'm a Supes fan, I really liked the first Pirates film). One thing that stood out more the second time around was the Christ allegory. "The world needs a savior," Supes falling back to Earth, prostrated in the sign of the cross. Thanks for that, Mr. Singer, but keep your religion out of my comic book movie.
On a side note, there was a trailer before the movie with some bullshit text flashing up, like, "One family...One child...Who would change the world...Forever." And then it hits you with, "The Nativity Story." At that point, I leaned over to Justin and said just loudly enough for him to hear (or so I thought), "What the fuck?" Mere seconds later, some bitch a few seats over and a row down said, "Hey, buddy, back there? Can we control the reflexes?" Justin's not convinced she was talking to me (she proceeded to be a loudmouthed bitch through the rest of the movie, spouting nonsense to the people she was with), but I am. And that pisses me off.
First off, if you take offense at language, you just need to shut the fuck up. Don't give me your holier-than-thou bullshit, and insult my intelligence because I use "bad" words. I say whatever the hell I want, when I want, and if you don't like it, that's too damn bad. It's called the First Amendment, asshole. Besides, I don't think that was her problem, since she and her dumbass friends dropped a couple of f-bombs during the movie.
So what she took offense at was my visceral reaction to "The Nativity Story." I don't want or need your religion in my movies, alright? I hate trailers anyway (there's a reason they're called trailers, they used to follow the movie, not preceed it), so excuse me for taking issue with a trailer for a pointless film that I was forced to watch. You want to believe in God and thank Jesus for being your savior and read your bible, fine. I got no problem with that. But get your fucking bullshit out of my entertainment! I don't want your Passion, I don't want your Nativity, I don't want your God is Great and Anyone who Disagrees is a Worthless, Sub-Human Heathen. Fuck you.
Now that that's out of the way, we come to the DVDs that I rented.
The Villain, rated PG, starring Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margret and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Got this at the recommendation of my Dad, who's usually pretty solid with his recommendations. However, I honestly don't know what he was thinking. It's a western, but is filled with slapstick comedy. I know what you're thinking: Blazing Saddles. But The Villain is less like Blazing Saddles and more like a live-action Road Runner cartoon. There must have been at least a dozen gags with Kirk Douglas' Cactus Jack (the Wile E. character) trying and failing to trap the other two leads with a scheme right out of the Looney Tunes. As bad as it sounds, it's even worse on film. What a piece of shit. Oh, and 27 years later, Arnold still has the exact same accent.
The Pink Panther, rated PG, starring Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, and Beyonce Knowles. Sir, I watched The Pink Panther, I liked the Pink Panther, The Pink Panther was a favorite of mine. Sir, you are no Pink Panther. Famous quote paraphrasing aside, this movie sucked. Steve Martin apparently co-wrote the screenplay, but the other guy must have been in charge of the jokes. There were only a few genuine laughs in the whole hour and a half, and if I'd seen this at a theatre, I would have demanded my money back. Peter Sellers played Clouseau with more subtlety than this. He's a bumbling detective, not a fucking moron. Kevin Kline was forgettable, Jean Reno is better than this (he was fucking Leon, for chrissakes), and I have no idea what purpose Beyonce served, other than being a cocktease. Seriously, she needs to pose for Playboy or something.
Old School, unrated edition, starring Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Vince Vaughn. Rented this on the recommendation of a co-worker. Finally, a good movie. Funny as hell. Nothing much else to say, except that it gets a thumbs-up from me. Word has it they're doing a sequel, although I'm not sure why.
Until next time, the balcony is closed, fuckers. Nooch!
Clerks 2. If you haven't seen it, stop reading, call some friends, and go. I'll wait.
Ok, good. Wasn't that hilarious? I tried to get a bunch of friends together to go see it this weekend, but almost everybody flaked out. Bitches. One thing I noticed on a second viewing is how good Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson are. I don't know why they haven't done more films, other than bit parts and whatnot in Kevin Smith's flicks.
Superman Returns. I had a couple of free passes, so I figured I might as well see it again before it slips out of theatres. Plus, the first time I saw it was in about the third row at an IMAX, so it was nice to see it at a comfortable distance. I don't know why it didn't make more of an impact at the box office than it did. Sure, Pirates 2 came out the very next weekend, but I don't understand why it made such a huge impact, since Superman was the better film all around (and I'm not saying that just because I'm a Supes fan, I really liked the first Pirates film). One thing that stood out more the second time around was the Christ allegory. "The world needs a savior," Supes falling back to Earth, prostrated in the sign of the cross. Thanks for that, Mr. Singer, but keep your religion out of my comic book movie.
On a side note, there was a trailer before the movie with some bullshit text flashing up, like, "One family...One child...Who would change the world...Forever." And then it hits you with, "The Nativity Story." At that point, I leaned over to Justin and said just loudly enough for him to hear (or so I thought), "What the fuck?" Mere seconds later, some bitch a few seats over and a row down said, "Hey, buddy, back there? Can we control the reflexes?" Justin's not convinced she was talking to me (she proceeded to be a loudmouthed bitch through the rest of the movie, spouting nonsense to the people she was with), but I am. And that pisses me off.
First off, if you take offense at language, you just need to shut the fuck up. Don't give me your holier-than-thou bullshit, and insult my intelligence because I use "bad" words. I say whatever the hell I want, when I want, and if you don't like it, that's too damn bad. It's called the First Amendment, asshole. Besides, I don't think that was her problem, since she and her dumbass friends dropped a couple of f-bombs during the movie.
So what she took offense at was my visceral reaction to "The Nativity Story." I don't want or need your religion in my movies, alright? I hate trailers anyway (there's a reason they're called trailers, they used to follow the movie, not preceed it), so excuse me for taking issue with a trailer for a pointless film that I was forced to watch. You want to believe in God and thank Jesus for being your savior and read your bible, fine. I got no problem with that. But get your fucking bullshit out of my entertainment! I don't want your Passion, I don't want your Nativity, I don't want your God is Great and Anyone who Disagrees is a Worthless, Sub-Human Heathen. Fuck you.
Now that that's out of the way, we come to the DVDs that I rented.
The Villain, rated PG, starring Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margret and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Got this at the recommendation of my Dad, who's usually pretty solid with his recommendations. However, I honestly don't know what he was thinking. It's a western, but is filled with slapstick comedy. I know what you're thinking: Blazing Saddles. But The Villain is less like Blazing Saddles and more like a live-action Road Runner cartoon. There must have been at least a dozen gags with Kirk Douglas' Cactus Jack (the Wile E. character) trying and failing to trap the other two leads with a scheme right out of the Looney Tunes. As bad as it sounds, it's even worse on film. What a piece of shit. Oh, and 27 years later, Arnold still has the exact same accent.
The Pink Panther, rated PG, starring Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, and Beyonce Knowles. Sir, I watched The Pink Panther, I liked the Pink Panther, The Pink Panther was a favorite of mine. Sir, you are no Pink Panther. Famous quote paraphrasing aside, this movie sucked. Steve Martin apparently co-wrote the screenplay, but the other guy must have been in charge of the jokes. There were only a few genuine laughs in the whole hour and a half, and if I'd seen this at a theatre, I would have demanded my money back. Peter Sellers played Clouseau with more subtlety than this. He's a bumbling detective, not a fucking moron. Kevin Kline was forgettable, Jean Reno is better than this (he was fucking Leon, for chrissakes), and I have no idea what purpose Beyonce served, other than being a cocktease. Seriously, she needs to pose for Playboy or something.
Old School, unrated edition, starring Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Vince Vaughn. Rented this on the recommendation of a co-worker. Finally, a good movie. Funny as hell. Nothing much else to say, except that it gets a thumbs-up from me. Word has it they're doing a sequel, although I'm not sure why.
Until next time, the balcony is closed, fuckers. Nooch!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Avengers Assemble!
I've been catching up on the SDCC (that's San Diego Comic Con) news in the past few days, and something struck me. Marvel made some announcements about the movies they've been working on, and will work on in the near future. Let's do the rundown.
The Incredible Hulk. Don't call it a sequel, but this one's supposed to right the supposed wrongs of the first film. No Ang Lee this time around, so I guess that means we won't get a tender moment with Hulk telling the Leader, "I wish I knew how to quit you." I really enjoyed the first film, and Hulk's always been a personal favorite, so more Hulk is a very good thing. This one's in pre-production, and is slated to smash up theatres in 2008.
Iron Man. He's so money and he doesn't even know it. Jon Favreau is directing this one, and as long as Tom Cruise or Ben Affleck doesn't play Tony Stark, this should be awesome. It's been in development hell for a while, but is currently in pre-production with a release date of May 2, 2008.
Ant-Man. I admit it. I'm not a big Ant-Man fan. His sole claim to fame is what this entire post is about. The project is helmed by the director and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead. No release date for this one yet.
Marvel also announced that after those, they'll be doing films for Captain America and Thor, among others.
So what does this mean? How are these films related, other than the comic book genre? What common thread ties all those superheroes together?
The Avengers, baby. The only founding member missing from that list is Wasp, and technically, she could tag along in Ant-Man's flick. There is, of course, the possibility that it's just coincidence. An Avengers movie would probably be cost-prohibitive, unless it was animated. I guess we'll just have to wait. I'll be hoping.
The Incredible Hulk. Don't call it a sequel, but this one's supposed to right the supposed wrongs of the first film. No Ang Lee this time around, so I guess that means we won't get a tender moment with Hulk telling the Leader, "I wish I knew how to quit you." I really enjoyed the first film, and Hulk's always been a personal favorite, so more Hulk is a very good thing. This one's in pre-production, and is slated to smash up theatres in 2008.
Iron Man. He's so money and he doesn't even know it. Jon Favreau is directing this one, and as long as Tom Cruise or Ben Affleck doesn't play Tony Stark, this should be awesome. It's been in development hell for a while, but is currently in pre-production with a release date of May 2, 2008.
Ant-Man. I admit it. I'm not a big Ant-Man fan. His sole claim to fame is what this entire post is about. The project is helmed by the director and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead. No release date for this one yet.
Marvel also announced that after those, they'll be doing films for Captain America and Thor, among others.
So what does this mean? How are these films related, other than the comic book genre? What common thread ties all those superheroes together?
The Avengers, baby. The only founding member missing from that list is Wasp, and technically, she could tag along in Ant-Man's flick. There is, of course, the possibility that it's just coincidence. An Avengers movie would probably be cost-prohibitive, unless it was animated. I guess we'll just have to wait. I'll be hoping.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Hodge Podge
Got an assortment of things I wanted to talk about today.
First, summer in the Central Valley sucks. Today was the eighth straight day we've had triple digit temperatures. And for the past two days, it hasn't even cooled down at night until about 4 in the morning. To top it all off, the power went off today for about an hour. That's bullshit. If we (and I'm using the societal we, here) want to run our AC 24/7, we should be able to. If the power company can't produce enough power with their existing plants, they should build more. And don't give me that shit about how hydro, wind, and solar energy sources are tapped out. I'm not saying there should be more coal power plants, either. We've been living in the "nuclear age" for more than 60 years. It's about time we actually used it.
Second, I saw Clerks 2 on Friday. It was, hands down, the funniest movie I've seen this year. I highly recommend you get some friends together and go see it. Prior knowledge of the first film is not required, but I do recommend seeing Clerks at some point. So get off your ass and go see it, you little porch-monkey. It's cool, I'm taking it back.
Speaking of racism, I was talking with Justin the other day about high school (ah, the good old days...not!), and he mentioned how much I'd changed since then, specifically, my views on race. I asked him how so, since I really couldn't remember. He then proceeded to shock me.
Apparently, back in high school, we had seen some commercial about a missing girl (who just happened to be of Asian descent), and I had commented, "Oh, don't talk to me about your missing gook." He went on, and stated there was a time we were talking about mixed marriages, and I had said, quite seriously, how when two white people get together, they make a slightly above average child, but when a white person and a black person get together, they make a slightly below average child. Therefore, mixed marriages could only result in the downfall of humanity.
I was stunned, and actually speechless. I've said a lot of stupid things before (hell, I still do), but that amount of stupidity was astounding. I didn't remember saying it because I've blocked that kind of thinking out of my head. I did a lot of soul searching in college, a lot of examination of myself and my views of the world, and realized a lot of it was shit. I threw all that racist bullshit away, among other things. I'm glad I did, but I'm also glad Justin reminded me of where I started. It makes how far I've come all that more important.
Finally, Dubya vetoed a bill that would have increased funding for stem cell research performed on embryos from fertility clinics. Something of that nature, anyway, I can't be arsed to find the article, but it's out there somewhere. He based his decision on the fact that he believes taking a human life to save others is morally wrong. That's the kind of bullshit religious thinking that I threw out in college. Dubya doesn't understand that an embryo is not a human life, it's just a mass of cells. Even if we disagree on that point, the embryos from fertility clinics (the leftover ones, those that are typically frozen for storage) are usually discarded after a period of time. That's right, all those little lives, just thrown away like so much trash. Instead of using them for a noble and just cause like saving the lives of fully grown human beings who contribute to society, Dubya would rather see them flushed down the toilet, and extends his middle finger to all those people seeking a cure for Parkinson's or Alzheimer's or cancer.
First, summer in the Central Valley sucks. Today was the eighth straight day we've had triple digit temperatures. And for the past two days, it hasn't even cooled down at night until about 4 in the morning. To top it all off, the power went off today for about an hour. That's bullshit. If we (and I'm using the societal we, here) want to run our AC 24/7, we should be able to. If the power company can't produce enough power with their existing plants, they should build more. And don't give me that shit about how hydro, wind, and solar energy sources are tapped out. I'm not saying there should be more coal power plants, either. We've been living in the "nuclear age" for more than 60 years. It's about time we actually used it.
Second, I saw Clerks 2 on Friday. It was, hands down, the funniest movie I've seen this year. I highly recommend you get some friends together and go see it. Prior knowledge of the first film is not required, but I do recommend seeing Clerks at some point. So get off your ass and go see it, you little porch-monkey. It's cool, I'm taking it back.
Speaking of racism, I was talking with Justin the other day about high school (ah, the good old days...not!), and he mentioned how much I'd changed since then, specifically, my views on race. I asked him how so, since I really couldn't remember. He then proceeded to shock me.
Apparently, back in high school, we had seen some commercial about a missing girl (who just happened to be of Asian descent), and I had commented, "Oh, don't talk to me about your missing gook." He went on, and stated there was a time we were talking about mixed marriages, and I had said, quite seriously, how when two white people get together, they make a slightly above average child, but when a white person and a black person get together, they make a slightly below average child. Therefore, mixed marriages could only result in the downfall of humanity.
I was stunned, and actually speechless. I've said a lot of stupid things before (hell, I still do), but that amount of stupidity was astounding. I didn't remember saying it because I've blocked that kind of thinking out of my head. I did a lot of soul searching in college, a lot of examination of myself and my views of the world, and realized a lot of it was shit. I threw all that racist bullshit away, among other things. I'm glad I did, but I'm also glad Justin reminded me of where I started. It makes how far I've come all that more important.
Finally, Dubya vetoed a bill that would have increased funding for stem cell research performed on embryos from fertility clinics. Something of that nature, anyway, I can't be arsed to find the article, but it's out there somewhere. He based his decision on the fact that he believes taking a human life to save others is morally wrong. That's the kind of bullshit religious thinking that I threw out in college. Dubya doesn't understand that an embryo is not a human life, it's just a mass of cells. Even if we disagree on that point, the embryos from fertility clinics (the leftover ones, those that are typically frozen for storage) are usually discarded after a period of time. That's right, all those little lives, just thrown away like so much trash. Instead of using them for a noble and just cause like saving the lives of fully grown human beings who contribute to society, Dubya would rather see them flushed down the toilet, and extends his middle finger to all those people seeking a cure for Parkinson's or Alzheimer's or cancer.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Farewell, Old Pal
I lost one of my best friends today. We grew up together, and saying goodbye is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I try to think about the good times we had together. When he'd sit on the countertop, purring so hard he rocked back and forth. How he'd bump his head into mine when I leaned down to pet him. All the times he slept at the foot of my bed, rolled in a ball. Rubbing up against my legs, and wrapping his tail around me as he walked by.
He was a fine cat, a good friend, and a loyal companion.
Goodbye, Fuzzer.
I miss you.
He was a fine cat, a good friend, and a loyal companion.
Goodbye, Fuzzer.
I miss you.
Monday, July 10, 2006
First Time Watching a Classic
It strikes me that something like 8 of my last 15 posts have been film-related. Oh well, I watch a lot of movies. Deal with it.
I saw Citizen Kane tonight, which is regarded by many as one of, if not the, best films ever made.
But I got bored half-way through. Fucking sue me.
It wasn't a bad movie, but it certainly isn't in my top 10 list. Maybe not even in my top 50.
Let's be fair. I liked Orson Welles. Writing, directing, producing, and starring in a film that would later become a beloved classic when he was only 25? And not doing a bad job of it? Very impressive. I also liked the visual effects. Or is it called cinematography? Whatever the fuck, it looked real nice, and they used some techniques that I thought weren't even invented until 30 years later. The makeup jobs were spectacular too, most notably on Kane himself.
I didn't like that the big secret is the single worst kept secret in all of film. To this day, no one will tell you what the twist is in The Sixth Sense, but they'll freely disclose what Rosebud means. Bastards. I also didn't like the Susan Alexander character. When it came time for her flashbacks, I started to get bored, and it didn't help that the actress thought the most effective way to deliver her lines was by screeching like a banshee. Finally, a problem that plagues too many movies: Can we please match the fucking levels on spoken dialogue and music cues? It seriously pisses me off when I have to turn up the volume to hear a conversation, only to have my ear drums blasted ten seconds later by too-loud fucking operatic bullshit.
Final words on Citizen Kane: A classic, sure, but far from being the greatest movie of all time.
I saw Citizen Kane tonight, which is regarded by many as one of, if not the, best films ever made.
But I got bored half-way through. Fucking sue me.
It wasn't a bad movie, but it certainly isn't in my top 10 list. Maybe not even in my top 50.
Let's be fair. I liked Orson Welles. Writing, directing, producing, and starring in a film that would later become a beloved classic when he was only 25? And not doing a bad job of it? Very impressive. I also liked the visual effects. Or is it called cinematography? Whatever the fuck, it looked real nice, and they used some techniques that I thought weren't even invented until 30 years later. The makeup jobs were spectacular too, most notably on Kane himself.
I didn't like that the big secret is the single worst kept secret in all of film. To this day, no one will tell you what the twist is in The Sixth Sense, but they'll freely disclose what Rosebud means. Bastards. I also didn't like the Susan Alexander character. When it came time for her flashbacks, I started to get bored, and it didn't help that the actress thought the most effective way to deliver her lines was by screeching like a banshee. Finally, a problem that plagues too many movies: Can we please match the fucking levels on spoken dialogue and music cues? It seriously pisses me off when I have to turn up the volume to hear a conversation, only to have my ear drums blasted ten seconds later by too-loud fucking operatic bullshit.
Final words on Citizen Kane: A classic, sure, but far from being the greatest movie of all time.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Search for More Money
They seem to have found it, and found a shitload. The second in a trilogy of PotC films blew Superman's opening away, and possibly annihilated Supes' chances of breaking even at the box office.
But here's the problem: the movie wasn't very good. I don't feel that I wasted my money, but I won't be seeing it again at the theatre (and I will be returning for a second showing of Superman), and I'm not excited about seeing the third film.
I'm nothing if not fair, so let me tell you what I liked about the flick.
1. Johnny Depp. I'm not a fan of his work, as a whole or in part, but there's something about the job he does with Jack Sparrow that I can't help but like.
2. The CGI. I could have sworn Davy Jones (played by Bill Nighy) was part practical makeup, part CGI. Until I read an interview with him where he said it was all CGI. Wow. The rest of his crew was spectacular, too, so I foresee an Oscar nomination for visual effects.
3. I guess that's it. Oh well.
Now we come to what I didn't like.
1. The length. I've said this before, but if a movie's going to be over 2 hours, it had better be able to justify that running time. And this one doesn't. About an hour in, I knew what they had to do, I was just waiting for them to do it. They then proceeded to throw so many little twists and turns in that the movie dragged on for another hour and a half.
2. The Kraken. Sure, it was impressive, but did we have to see it four goddamn times? We get it.
3. Muddled story. So they're doing two sequels, shot back to back. It's been done before, most notably with Back to the Future and The Matrix. Back to the Future was awesome. Matrix, not so much. With Pirates, it almost felt like the creators were intentionally dragging things out to justify two films. All these different sub-plots and minor twists are there just to be there, to pad the running time, which is too long to begin with.
4. No resolution. Of anything. Yeah, ok, there's another movie, but can't you tie up at least a few things? Just one? No, everything has to be unfinished, so we'll come back for the finale.
Well, I'm not sure I want to. And after they have some time to think about it, I'm not sure everyone else will, either. Remember how The Matrix was a surprise hit, and the creators wanted to cash in with two sequels, and everyone flocked to the second movie, but since it was shit, nobody saw the third? I think that may be what ends up happening to Pirates. We'll have to wait and see.
I know one thing: it's a damn shame if this results in there not being another Superman movie, because I thought that was much better than PotC 2.
But here's the problem: the movie wasn't very good. I don't feel that I wasted my money, but I won't be seeing it again at the theatre (and I will be returning for a second showing of Superman), and I'm not excited about seeing the third film.
I'm nothing if not fair, so let me tell you what I liked about the flick.
1. Johnny Depp. I'm not a fan of his work, as a whole or in part, but there's something about the job he does with Jack Sparrow that I can't help but like.
2. The CGI. I could have sworn Davy Jones (played by Bill Nighy) was part practical makeup, part CGI. Until I read an interview with him where he said it was all CGI. Wow. The rest of his crew was spectacular, too, so I foresee an Oscar nomination for visual effects.
3. I guess that's it. Oh well.
Now we come to what I didn't like.
1. The length. I've said this before, but if a movie's going to be over 2 hours, it had better be able to justify that running time. And this one doesn't. About an hour in, I knew what they had to do, I was just waiting for them to do it. They then proceeded to throw so many little twists and turns in that the movie dragged on for another hour and a half.
2. The Kraken. Sure, it was impressive, but did we have to see it four goddamn times? We get it.
3. Muddled story. So they're doing two sequels, shot back to back. It's been done before, most notably with Back to the Future and The Matrix. Back to the Future was awesome. Matrix, not so much. With Pirates, it almost felt like the creators were intentionally dragging things out to justify two films. All these different sub-plots and minor twists are there just to be there, to pad the running time, which is too long to begin with.
4. No resolution. Of anything. Yeah, ok, there's another movie, but can't you tie up at least a few things? Just one? No, everything has to be unfinished, so we'll come back for the finale.
Well, I'm not sure I want to. And after they have some time to think about it, I'm not sure everyone else will, either. Remember how The Matrix was a surprise hit, and the creators wanted to cash in with two sequels, and everyone flocked to the second movie, but since it was shit, nobody saw the third? I think that may be what ends up happening to Pirates. We'll have to wait and see.
I know one thing: it's a damn shame if this results in there not being another Superman movie, because I thought that was much better than PotC 2.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Truth, Justice, and the American Way
What better way to celebrate America's Independence Day than with some good old-fashioned super-heroism? I'm talking Superman Returns, which I saw last night on the IMAX. And man, was I impressed.
I went in expecting that Brandon Routh couldn't replace Christopher Reeve, and while I still think Reeve is the definitive Superman, this new kid did one hell of a job. His Kent was on the money, as was his Superman (helped in a big way by the fancy flying tech that blows away the quaint effects in the 1978 film), and I particularly enjoyed the homages to the earlier films ("I hope this experience hasn't put you off flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel," "You know, you really shouldn't smoke, Miss Lane," Brando as Jor El, Lois' terrible spelling, the end flying sequence, the beginning credits, etc.)
I liked Kate Bosworth's Lois better than Margot Kidder's Lois. Kidder's take on the character always seemed a bit off to me. And Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor, holy shit. I think Spacey is a great actor, and he didn't disappoint.
Most importantly, Superman is, well, super. On a power level scale from 1 to 10, he's a 15. When Supes gets fired up, you know there's some shit about to go down, and when he's this powerful, that's some serious shit.
There were a couple of things I didn't like. The last 25 minutes or so. Very anticlimactic, 15 minutes could have been trimmed and it would have ended with a bang, rather than a whimper. Also, Lois' son I am decidedly on the fence about. Without going into spoiler territory, I hope the inevitable sequel is as good as this film, if not better.
I really liked X3. But Superman owned the X-Men in the face. You just got smacked down by DC, Marvel. What are you gonna do about that? *hopes Spider-Man 3 kicks serious ass*
I went in expecting that Brandon Routh couldn't replace Christopher Reeve, and while I still think Reeve is the definitive Superman, this new kid did one hell of a job. His Kent was on the money, as was his Superman (helped in a big way by the fancy flying tech that blows away the quaint effects in the 1978 film), and I particularly enjoyed the homages to the earlier films ("I hope this experience hasn't put you off flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel," "You know, you really shouldn't smoke, Miss Lane," Brando as Jor El, Lois' terrible spelling, the end flying sequence, the beginning credits, etc.)
I liked Kate Bosworth's Lois better than Margot Kidder's Lois. Kidder's take on the character always seemed a bit off to me. And Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor, holy shit. I think Spacey is a great actor, and he didn't disappoint.
Most importantly, Superman is, well, super. On a power level scale from 1 to 10, he's a 15. When Supes gets fired up, you know there's some shit about to go down, and when he's this powerful, that's some serious shit.
There were a couple of things I didn't like. The last 25 minutes or so. Very anticlimactic, 15 minutes could have been trimmed and it would have ended with a bang, rather than a whimper. Also, Lois' son I am decidedly on the fence about. Without going into spoiler territory, I hope the inevitable sequel is as good as this film, if not better.
I really liked X3. But Superman owned the X-Men in the face. You just got smacked down by DC, Marvel. What are you gonna do about that? *hopes Spider-Man 3 kicks serious ass*
Monday, July 03, 2006
Idiots + Fireworks = Bad
What the fuck is wrong with people? I thought fireworks were supposed to be for the fourth of July, not the entire fucking week and a half before. It's also nice if the fucktards who want to shoot them off would do so sometime before 1 am, before normal people are asleep because they actually have jobs to go to in the morning.
Seriously, how is shooting off loud whizz-bang fireworks at 1:45 not against the law? Where are the police keeping the goddamn peace? Drug dealers getting shot in the ghetto don't concern me; getting a full night's sleep does. If I don't get a full night's sleep, I'm unable to be a contributing member of society, unlike the asshats who shoot off firecrackers whenever they feel like.
I'd like to shove a half-stick of dynamite up their ass and light the fuse. See how they like that shit.
Seriously, how is shooting off loud whizz-bang fireworks at 1:45 not against the law? Where are the police keeping the goddamn peace? Drug dealers getting shot in the ghetto don't concern me; getting a full night's sleep does. If I don't get a full night's sleep, I'm unable to be a contributing member of society, unlike the asshats who shoot off firecrackers whenever they feel like.
I'd like to shove a half-stick of dynamite up their ass and light the fuse. See how they like that shit.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Tales from the cubicle
Here we have a very rare work-related post. I rarely talk about work for a couple of reasons (I hate bitching about my job, because everyone does, and since I work in the healthcare industry, all of the specifics of my job are confidential), but I have to talk about this.
I'm a habitual lurker over at SDN, and there was a thread about trying to cancel AOL. Yes, AOL sucks. Yes, it's very difficult to cancel your account, I know. Yes, the reps at AOL are difficult to deal with (especially if you're trying to cancel). It doesn't make them any less of a person, so the things that people were saying they would do and have done, jesus.
First off, I don't have an employee number. So asking for that doesn't do anything. Second, if you ask for my supervisor, that pisses me off. Here's the thing: my supervisor has the same information I do. You don't like my answers? Fine. But you're not going to like my supervisors answers, either. You want to file a complaint? Ok, but chances are the call was recorded. If you have a legitimate complaint, we'll know. But if you're complaining about policy, too fucking bad. It's not our fault you're a dumbass you doesn't want to follow the rules everyone else does.
What should the customer do if he's not getting his way? Should he start yelling at the rep? No. Should he start swearing at the rep? No. Should he threaten the rep and/or the company with legal action? No. I just work here, fuckstick. Yelling and swearing at me just pisses me off. Threatening legal action? For what? You're going to sue us because you were too stupid to pay your premium on time and your account got cancelled? Or because you have a huge bill for service from an outside provider because you didn't read the fucking agreement that said you have to come to our doctors? You're too fucking stupid to do what 6 million other members in the state do, so you'd like to sue. Fantastic. Fuck you.
I'm a habitual lurker over at SDN, and there was a thread about trying to cancel AOL. Yes, AOL sucks. Yes, it's very difficult to cancel your account, I know. Yes, the reps at AOL are difficult to deal with (especially if you're trying to cancel). It doesn't make them any less of a person, so the things that people were saying they would do and have done, jesus.
First off, I don't have an employee number. So asking for that doesn't do anything. Second, if you ask for my supervisor, that pisses me off. Here's the thing: my supervisor has the same information I do. You don't like my answers? Fine. But you're not going to like my supervisors answers, either. You want to file a complaint? Ok, but chances are the call was recorded. If you have a legitimate complaint, we'll know. But if you're complaining about policy, too fucking bad. It's not our fault you're a dumbass you doesn't want to follow the rules everyone else does.
What should the customer do if he's not getting his way? Should he start yelling at the rep? No. Should he start swearing at the rep? No. Should he threaten the rep and/or the company with legal action? No. I just work here, fuckstick. Yelling and swearing at me just pisses me off. Threatening legal action? For what? You're going to sue us because you were too stupid to pay your premium on time and your account got cancelled? Or because you have a huge bill for service from an outside provider because you didn't read the fucking agreement that said you have to come to our doctors? You're too fucking stupid to do what 6 million other members in the state do, so you'd like to sue. Fantastic. Fuck you.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
More Game Notes
One more thing about Table Tennis: Not only have I not picked it back up since I wrote about it, but I had more fun playing some of the Live Arcade games (Uno and Backgammon) that I purchased for 5 bucks. Suck on that, Rockstar.
I was sort of at a loss for what to play today after I'd satisfied my card/board game playing needs. I had to take Hitman back to the video store, so I couldn't play that. I didn't really feel like playing Splinter Cell because I wasn't in a sneaking mood. So I checked out BestBuy's website to see if they had any games on sale. And whaddya know? They're having some sort of Xbox blowout, buy 2 get one free deal. After referring to the X360 backwards compatibility guide, I decided to get Stubbs the Zombie, Forza Motorsport, and Halo 2. Three awesome games for 50 bucks, you can't beat that. I can't wait til they get here. Forza Motorsport should be a shit-ton of fun online, Halo 2 is of course standard fare for Xbox parties, and Stubbs, I mean, come on. Creating an army of the undead? What could be more fun?
I was sort of at a loss for what to play today after I'd satisfied my card/board game playing needs. I had to take Hitman back to the video store, so I couldn't play that. I didn't really feel like playing Splinter Cell because I wasn't in a sneaking mood. So I checked out BestBuy's website to see if they had any games on sale. And whaddya know? They're having some sort of Xbox blowout, buy 2 get one free deal. After referring to the X360 backwards compatibility guide, I decided to get Stubbs the Zombie, Forza Motorsport, and Halo 2. Three awesome games for 50 bucks, you can't beat that. I can't wait til they get here. Forza Motorsport should be a shit-ton of fun online, Halo 2 is of course standard fare for Xbox parties, and Stubbs, I mean, come on. Creating an army of the undead? What could be more fun?
Monday, June 19, 2006
Rockstar Presents Table Tennis
When I first heard that Rockstar's next game was going to be Table Tennis, my reaction was along the lines of, "What the fuck?"
Then after it came out, I started to get excited. I thought, well, if they have the balls to release fucking Pong, for chrissakes, I should at least check it out.
So I did. I played it a little last night, and a lot today. The first thing I did was the training. Aced it. Lots of different stuff you can do, and I was doing it like a pro. Let's try a tournament, I said. Which tournament? Rookie, of course, it says it's "Medium" difficulty. Pah! I scoff at Medium difficulty, it's the fucking Rookie tournament, I can own.
No, I got owned. I got fucking shut out before I even realized what was going on. So I retreated back to the Amateur tourney, which is "Easy."
I won that tournament, but I wouldn't call it easy. I thought I had a handle on the character I had chosen, so today I decided to bring him to the Rookie tourney. And I was owned in the face once again In the course of two games, I scored maybe 3 points.
Well, shit. Ok, let's try a different character and try to hone my skills in "Easy" mode. So that's what I did, but I hit a brick wall at the Amateur champion. I must have called for a rematch 5 times. I still couldn't win. Hell, I couldn't even get close. I never won a game, let alone the match.
So yeah, Table Tennis. Maybe I'm just bad at it (doubtful. I've been a console gamer since I was 5. I grew up on "Nintendo-hard" games. Nintendo-hard I can handle, but poor control I can't. As an example, there were a number of points I missed because my Pong-er either didn't move, or didn't swing when I told them to.), or maybe Rockstar should stick to what they're good at.
Then after it came out, I started to get excited. I thought, well, if they have the balls to release fucking Pong, for chrissakes, I should at least check it out.
So I did. I played it a little last night, and a lot today. The first thing I did was the training. Aced it. Lots of different stuff you can do, and I was doing it like a pro. Let's try a tournament, I said. Which tournament? Rookie, of course, it says it's "Medium" difficulty. Pah! I scoff at Medium difficulty, it's the fucking Rookie tournament, I can own.
No, I got owned. I got fucking shut out before I even realized what was going on. So I retreated back to the Amateur tourney, which is "Easy."
I won that tournament, but I wouldn't call it easy. I thought I had a handle on the character I had chosen, so today I decided to bring him to the Rookie tourney. And I was owned in the face once again In the course of two games, I scored maybe 3 points.
Well, shit. Ok, let's try a different character and try to hone my skills in "Easy" mode. So that's what I did, but I hit a brick wall at the Amateur champion. I must have called for a rematch 5 times. I still couldn't win. Hell, I couldn't even get close. I never won a game, let alone the match.
So yeah, Table Tennis. Maybe I'm just bad at it (doubtful. I've been a console gamer since I was 5. I grew up on "Nintendo-hard" games. Nintendo-hard I can handle, but poor control I can't. As an example, there were a number of points I missed because my Pong-er either didn't move, or didn't swing when I told them to.), or maybe Rockstar should stick to what they're good at.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Names are for friends, so I don't need one
I finished the storyline in Hitman: Blood Money a couple of nights ago. I'm not quite done with the game; there's a few more achievements I want to do. After that, it can go back to the video store.
Not that it's a bad game, in fact, it's quite awesome. It's just short, and by the time I get those achievements done, the replay value will have been all used up. And there's the biggest problem with charging 60 bucks for a new game. Very few are worth it, because even the awesome ones like Hitman are only worth a rental. If I see it later on for 20 bucks, I'll pick it up, but there's no way it's worth 60.
I don't think $60 games will become the norm, anyway. PC games are still 50, and a lot of the X360 games are PC ports. If Microsoft doesn't lower the price of the console this holiday season (and given the huge delta between the X360 and the PS3, there's really no reason to), I think they'll at least cut the prices of the games back down to $50. Here's hoping.
Not that it's a bad game, in fact, it's quite awesome. It's just short, and by the time I get those achievements done, the replay value will have been all used up. And there's the biggest problem with charging 60 bucks for a new game. Very few are worth it, because even the awesome ones like Hitman are only worth a rental. If I see it later on for 20 bucks, I'll pick it up, but there's no way it's worth 60.
I don't think $60 games will become the norm, anyway. PC games are still 50, and a lot of the X360 games are PC ports. If Microsoft doesn't lower the price of the console this holiday season (and given the huge delta between the X360 and the PS3, there's really no reason to), I think they'll at least cut the prices of the games back down to $50. Here's hoping.
I, Robot
I decided to put I, Robot, in my queue after learning Alan Tudyk did the voice of Sonny. Yes, even after my initial, vitriolic attitude towards the movie. I gave it a chance purely because of Alan Tudyk.
I'm less disappointed than I thought I'd be. It's clearly a Hollywood movie, with tons of CGI, Will Smith, and crazy, wacky, camera shots that made me sick. Seriously, spinning the camera up, down, and around like we're on a roller coaster or some sort of g-force machine? Christ.
But it wasn't bad. It wasn't that good, but it was a fun time. As I said before, the film wasn't an adaptation of any of the stories in the book, but rather, "suggested" by what Isaac Asimov wrote. Would the movie have been better had it been an adaptation? Perhaps. Or perhaps it would have been a huge, steaming pile of shit. As it is, I, Robot is neither good or bad, but just ok.
I'm less disappointed than I thought I'd be. It's clearly a Hollywood movie, with tons of CGI, Will Smith, and crazy, wacky, camera shots that made me sick. Seriously, spinning the camera up, down, and around like we're on a roller coaster or some sort of g-force machine? Christ.
But it wasn't bad. It wasn't that good, but it was a fun time. As I said before, the film wasn't an adaptation of any of the stories in the book, but rather, "suggested" by what Isaac Asimov wrote. Would the movie have been better had it been an adaptation? Perhaps. Or perhaps it would have been a huge, steaming pile of shit. As it is, I, Robot is neither good or bad, but just ok.
Police State, here we come
This time, I'm going to link to an article from a news site that (hopefully) doesn't flush its archives after a week.
It seems that the new and improved SCOTUS (that's Supreme Court of the United States for you political noobs) has gone against precedent, and weakened the protections in the 4th Amendment to the Constitution against unreasonable searches and seizures. The case centers on some asshole who, when the cops entered his home (with a legal search warrant and after knocking and announcing themselves), was surrounded with 23 bags of coke. The local judge threw out the evidence citing the police had not given the suspect ample time between announcing themselves and entering, the state Supreme Court disagreed, and the asshole appealed to the SCOTUS, who decided the "knock and announce" rule is unnecessary.
Here's the problem, though. This case is an extreme. Obviously, the evidence shouldn't have been thrown out. The judge who made the decision is an idiot, maybe he should have his license taken away or whatever. But weakening the Constitutional protections in the Bill of Rights? How is that a solution?
Justice Scalia wrote in his majority vote some bullshit about how people like this asshole still have the option of suing the city and the local police for violating his rights, and how internal police discipline and regulations will act as checks against "overly aggressive and reckless" behavior. My ass, it will. All I see is one less roadblock to cops busting down our doors whenever the hell they please and taking or doing whatever the hell they feel like. Last I checked, it isn't fucking 1984.
It seems that the new and improved SCOTUS (that's Supreme Court of the United States for you political noobs) has gone against precedent, and weakened the protections in the 4th Amendment to the Constitution against unreasonable searches and seizures. The case centers on some asshole who, when the cops entered his home (with a legal search warrant and after knocking and announcing themselves), was surrounded with 23 bags of coke. The local judge threw out the evidence citing the police had not given the suspect ample time between announcing themselves and entering, the state Supreme Court disagreed, and the asshole appealed to the SCOTUS, who decided the "knock and announce" rule is unnecessary.
Here's the problem, though. This case is an extreme. Obviously, the evidence shouldn't have been thrown out. The judge who made the decision is an idiot, maybe he should have his license taken away or whatever. But weakening the Constitutional protections in the Bill of Rights? How is that a solution?
Justice Scalia wrote in his majority vote some bullshit about how people like this asshole still have the option of suing the city and the local police for violating his rights, and how internal police discipline and regulations will act as checks against "overly aggressive and reckless" behavior. My ass, it will. All I see is one less roadblock to cops busting down our doors whenever the hell they please and taking or doing whatever the hell they feel like. Last I checked, it isn't fucking 1984.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Movies, Movies, the magical fruit, the more you...wait
So I've got some more critiques of the celluloid medium here. First up, one I saw at the theatre this weekend.
Cars, rated G, featuring the voices of Owen Wilson and Paul Newman, among others. It's a Pixar flick, so I had to see it. And while I'm not disappointed I saw it, I'm left feeling a little flat. It seems like the other Pixar flicks were a lot funnier, or at least had better stories. They moved quicker, too. Any movie that runs almost 2 hours needs to be able to justify a running time like that, and I don't think Cars does. It dragged in more than a few places. That's not to say it was all bad, of course. The visuals were stunning. If not for the cartoony automobiles, you could easily get lost in the scenery. The comedy, while sparse, was good. With any animated film, you have to strike a balance between what's funny for the kids, and what's funny for the adults, and I thought Cars did a good job of that. I recommend seeing it in the theatre, but I'm not sure about adding it to your collection when it comes to DVD.
Superman: The Movie, rated PG, starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, and Margot Kidder. What a great movie. Cheesy, yes, but aren't all superhero movies? Great performance from Christopher Reeve as both Clark Kent and Superman. I mean, Reeve is Superman, and the new kid in Superman Returns is going to have do one hell of a job to convince me otherwise.
Superman II, rated PG, starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Margot Kidder, and Terence Stamp. "Come to me, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod!" It had been so long since I'd seen either of these movies (I can't rightly remember if I'd ever seen II, actually), it was a pleasure to see them again, as if for the first time. Now I'm ready to see Superman Returns. There's some nonsense floating around the internet that there were two other Superman movies, but you know how the internet is.
Glory Road, rated PG, starring Josh Lucas (who the hell is Josh Lucas?). Shows you how familiar I am with "feel-good" movies, I was certain Texas Western was going to lose the championship game to Kentucky, and Coach Haskins would tell his players, "You played your best, we'll get em next time!" Whoops. Still, an interesting true story, and a reminder of how far we've come in 40 years, and how far we still have to go.
Cars, rated G, featuring the voices of Owen Wilson and Paul Newman, among others. It's a Pixar flick, so I had to see it. And while I'm not disappointed I saw it, I'm left feeling a little flat. It seems like the other Pixar flicks were a lot funnier, or at least had better stories. They moved quicker, too. Any movie that runs almost 2 hours needs to be able to justify a running time like that, and I don't think Cars does. It dragged in more than a few places. That's not to say it was all bad, of course. The visuals were stunning. If not for the cartoony automobiles, you could easily get lost in the scenery. The comedy, while sparse, was good. With any animated film, you have to strike a balance between what's funny for the kids, and what's funny for the adults, and I thought Cars did a good job of that. I recommend seeing it in the theatre, but I'm not sure about adding it to your collection when it comes to DVD.
Superman: The Movie, rated PG, starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, and Margot Kidder. What a great movie. Cheesy, yes, but aren't all superhero movies? Great performance from Christopher Reeve as both Clark Kent and Superman. I mean, Reeve is Superman, and the new kid in Superman Returns is going to have do one hell of a job to convince me otherwise.
Superman II, rated PG, starring Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Margot Kidder, and Terence Stamp. "Come to me, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod!" It had been so long since I'd seen either of these movies (I can't rightly remember if I'd ever seen II, actually), it was a pleasure to see them again, as if for the first time. Now I'm ready to see Superman Returns. There's some nonsense floating around the internet that there were two other Superman movies, but you know how the internet is.
Glory Road, rated PG, starring Josh Lucas (who the hell is Josh Lucas?). Shows you how familiar I am with "feel-good" movies, I was certain Texas Western was going to lose the championship game to Kentucky, and Coach Haskins would tell his players, "You played your best, we'll get em next time!" Whoops. Still, an interesting true story, and a reminder of how far we've come in 40 years, and how far we still have to go.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
More Movies? Surely you jest!
Ah-ha, but I am completely serious! It's time for another round of quick-shot movie reviews.
Date Movie, unrated edition, starring Alyson Hannigan and some guy. Why, oh why, did I rent this? Oh yeah, because it had Alyson Hannigan in it. She was the best thing about the movie, and I was sorely tempted to turn it off after 15 minutes. I stuck with it, but what a stinker. Two thumbs down, bitch!
War of the Worlds (2005 edition), rated PG-13, starring Tom Cruise. Enjoyable. I'd still like to see the 1953 version, though, because I have a sneaking suspicion that one's better.
Back to the Future Trilogy, rated PG, starring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd. Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly! This is an awesome set of flicks that I've seen countless times. I had a lot of trouble following the timelines when I watched them as a kid, but now I can enjoy the story to its fullest, and also catch the pop culture references. Come on, Marty dressing like the man with no name in A Fistful of Dollars in BttF3? Great stuff.
Date Movie, unrated edition, starring Alyson Hannigan and some guy. Why, oh why, did I rent this? Oh yeah, because it had Alyson Hannigan in it. She was the best thing about the movie, and I was sorely tempted to turn it off after 15 minutes. I stuck with it, but what a stinker. Two thumbs down, bitch!
War of the Worlds (2005 edition), rated PG-13, starring Tom Cruise. Enjoyable. I'd still like to see the 1953 version, though, because I have a sneaking suspicion that one's better.
Back to the Future Trilogy, rated PG, starring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd. Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly! This is an awesome set of flicks that I've seen countless times. I had a lot of trouble following the timelines when I watched them as a kid, but now I can enjoy the story to its fullest, and also catch the pop culture references. Come on, Marty dressing like the man with no name in A Fistful of Dollars in BttF3? Great stuff.
Phishing: It's not just for rednecks anymore!
But it is for filthy scum-sucking asshole monkey rapists.
For those who don't know what phishing is, it's a form of fraud that involves sending e-mails that seem legitimate, but are actually scams that harvest personal information, usually leading to identity theft.
Most of these dickheads who do this shit can't even do it properly. The con-men who swindle little old ladies out of their life savings know what the hell they're doing. It's their job, they take pride in it. It doesn't make it right, but at least they're putting forth an effort.
As an example, I just got a phishing e-mail, supposedly from Amazon, requesting that I update my account records. I can honestly say that no company, in the history of companies, has ever asked me to update my account records unless I contacted them first. Regardless, that wasn't the first thing that tipped me off. The e-mail was in HTML, but it was in broken HTML. It's not that my e-mail client is incapable of reading HTML, no, the tags were fucked up, which caused the whole thing to display as text. I sincerely doubt that Amazon would fuck up the HTML tags in an official message. Nice going, assholes.
I decided to read it anyway, just to see what else they fucked up. There was a grammatical error that most people wouldn't notice, and at the end, the signature was "Amazon Security Departament." I guess they're Italian. Since the HTML was broken, I could also clearly see that the link to click on to "update your account" was actually a redirect, of course. Finally, it was sent to my tensidedrpg.com address. My Amazon account, however, is linked to my yahoo.com address. Amazon doesn't know I have a tensidedrpg address, so they sure as hell wouldn't be sending me a request to update my account records at it.
Phish this, phuckers.
For those who don't know what phishing is, it's a form of fraud that involves sending e-mails that seem legitimate, but are actually scams that harvest personal information, usually leading to identity theft.
Most of these dickheads who do this shit can't even do it properly. The con-men who swindle little old ladies out of their life savings know what the hell they're doing. It's their job, they take pride in it. It doesn't make it right, but at least they're putting forth an effort.
As an example, I just got a phishing e-mail, supposedly from Amazon, requesting that I update my account records. I can honestly say that no company, in the history of companies, has ever asked me to update my account records unless I contacted them first. Regardless, that wasn't the first thing that tipped me off. The e-mail was in HTML, but it was in broken HTML. It's not that my e-mail client is incapable of reading HTML, no, the tags were fucked up, which caused the whole thing to display as text. I sincerely doubt that Amazon would fuck up the HTML tags in an official message. Nice going, assholes.
I decided to read it anyway, just to see what else they fucked up. There was a grammatical error that most people wouldn't notice, and at the end, the signature was "Amazon Security Departament." I guess they're Italian. Since the HTML was broken, I could also clearly see that the link to click on to "update your account" was actually a redirect, of course. Finally, it was sent to my tensidedrpg.com address. My Amazon account, however, is linked to my yahoo.com address. Amazon doesn't know I have a tensidedrpg address, so they sure as hell wouldn't be sending me a request to update my account records at it.
Phish this, phuckers.
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