Xbox 360

So the Xbox 360 is supposed to hit this Tuesday. Color me unimpressed.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some Xbox, and console gaming in general, but I'm simply not excited about the Xbox 360 launch. I've been excited about other console launches. I distinctly remember being very excited about the Gamecube launch, as there was this little game that allowed you to battle it out with your friends using classic Nintendo characters (Smash Brothers, for the uninitiated). I was excited about the PS2 launch, too.

In fact, I should be extremely excited about the 360 launch, since I like the Xbox the most out of the previous generation consoles, and think Microsoft is going to come out on top of this generation after a long reign of domination by Sony. Plus, this was the first console launch that I actually had enough disposable income to pre-order, had I been so inclined.

So why am I not excited about the 360? The main reason is the launch title lineup. It's pathetic. Let's see that list of launch titles, shall we?

Amped 3
Call of Duty 2
Condemned: Criminal Origins
FIFA Soccer 06 Road to 2006 FIFA World Cup
GUN
Kameo: Elements of Power
Madden NFL 06
NBA 2K6
NBA LIVE 06
Need for Speed Most Wanted
NHL 2K6
Perfect Dark Zero
Peter Jackson’s King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie
Project Gotham Racing 3
Quake 4
Ridge Racer 6
Tiger Woods PGA TOUR 06
Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland

I'm going to immediately ignore all the sports games (Amped, FIFA, Madden, the NBA games, NHL, Tiger Woods, and Tony Hawk) right off the bat. Sports games have been a part of every console's launch for as long as I can remember, but they're just yearly releases; new iterations of the same old game. They don't count as launch titles. You can't build a console launch on sports games.

Moving on, there's 3 racing games in there. I've never been a Ridge Racer fan, so that's out. The Need For Speed series has taken a serious downtown recently, as they seem hellbent on cashing in on the "underground" racing fad, when they should be continuing to release quality racing games, like Hot Pursuit and Porsche Unleashed. Then there's PGR 3. I liked PGR 2, until Forza Motorsport came along. I don't care how many cars and tracks PGR 2 had, it only had cosmetic damage modeling, which pisses me off in a non-arcade racing game. So until they make a new Forza game, I'm not interested.

There's a shitload of shooters. I heard something about Call of Duty 2 having a Halo 2-style "recharging" energy meter. This is WWII, assholes, there were no fucking energy shields. Don't give me some bullshit excuse for why your game lacks realism, just fuck off. I honestly haven't heard much about Condemned either way, so I can't comment on that. But if I haven't heard anything about it, it's hard to get excited. GUN is a rental, not a purchase. There's a lot of fanboys out there with a hardon for Perfect Dark Zero, and I don't know why. Never played the original because it didn't look any good. Probably not going to play the sequel, either. Quake 4 had a shitload of hype behind it, but didn't live up to it. Granted, that would be hard to do, but Quake 4 didn't even live up to my expectation of being a good game.

What's left? "Peter Jackson’s King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie"? When your game's title is a 10 word sentence, I'm not playing it. I don't care if it's the best game ever. Tone down that hubris a bit, Peter, you're not fucking Spielberg or Scorsese. Kameo is the only game that might be worth buying. I've heard a lot of good things, but haven't read any reviews yet. It kind of interests me, but I'm still not interested enough to bother reading a review to see if it's any good, let alone plop down my money for it.

Is that it? Is that the whole list of launch titles? For one game that maybe, perhaps, is a possible purchase? You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

What games would have interested me at launch? Excellent question. Let me give you a list of titles that would have made me hose my drawers.

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic
Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Gears of War
Halo 3
Huxley
Mass Effect
Saint's Row
The Godfather
The Outfit

Every last one of those games are going to be purchases, I'll bet. Granted, some of them might not be coming out for a while, but if the 360 had launched with that lineup? Fuck, I would have pre-ordered, pre-paid, pre-came, all that shit. I would have taken a week vacation just so I could play my 360 all day and most of the night.

Now, I said that the launch title lineup was one of the reasons I wasn't excited about the 360 launch. The other reason is related to the launch titles, but is mainly because of Gamestop/EB Games. Let me say this first: I hate Gamestop/EB Games. They were bad enough when they were seperate companies, but now one of them owns the other, and it's bullshit all around. I used to buy my games at brick and mortar stores, but not anymore. I do most of my shopping on the internet. So when I want to buy something, I go there first, and don't go anywhere else. So I can get an Xbox 360 online, right?

Not exactly. The only place you can pre-order online is at Gamestop/EB Games. Great. Well, I suppose buying from them online isn't so bad. At least then I don't have to deal with idiot salespeople. But wait! You can't just pre-order a 360 and be done with it. No, they're not going to let you get away just spending 300-400 bucks there. You have to get a bundle. A bundle with shitty launch titles, and peripherals you don't need, for like 800-1000 dollars. A grand? I want to buy a game console, not put a down payment on a car. Hey Microsoft, you should thank Gamestop/EB Games for their idiotic bundles. They helped you not sell a bunch of consoles at launch.

EDIT: I read some of Gamestop's reviews of the 360 launch titles. Other than the fact that they're waaay too lenient (6 of the 10 titles they reviewed were "great." Somehow I doubt I'd have the same opinion), I learned that Kameo is deserving of whatever praise it's given, but at under 10 hours of gameplay, is most likely a rental, and that Condemned takes a great premise and interesting gameplay hook (that there's a bunch of crazy people on the loose and your character's way of dealing with them is to beat the living shit out of them with all manner of improvised weapons), but doesn't do much with it due to uninspired level design, lack of combat variety, and unsatisfying story.

So that means the 360 launch verdict is: exactly 2 games worth playing, but not worth buying. Wow. Great launch. I'm impressed.