I tell ya I get no respect

No respect at all.

I'm not asking for much, just get my name right. That's all. It's one syllable, for chrissake.

Heath.

See that?

H-E-A-T-H-Heath.

Not Keith.
Not Steve.
Not Pete.
Not Zeke.
Not Leif.

Heath.

Some people aren't even in the ballpark.

My name's not Ryan.
Or Phil.
Or Timmy.
Or Dave.
Or Paul.
Or Sid.

It's Heath, mother fucker, do you even speak English? Like you've never fucking heard of someone named Heath before. There's Heath candy bars, there's Heathcliff the cat, there's that ponce Heath Ledger, there's even a Heath, Ohio, Heath, Texas, and Heath, Massachusetts.

But you know what's worst of all? When they're soooo close, and yet the furthest of all. My first name does not have a fucking "L" in it, alright? Furthermore, have you ever, in the history of the entire fucking world, ever, heard of anyone, anywhere, named Health? Seriously. Cause if you have, I want a hit of whatever drug you're on, asshole.

And my middle name is Gerard. You know, like that Gerardo guy, without the "O" at the end. You know who I'm talking about, that Rico Suave mother fucker? Sure you do. Anyway, it's Gerard.

Not Gerald.

I don't know what the fuck it is with people and them wanting to stick L's in my goddamn name, but I've only got one of em. I don't need more, dipshits.

So for the record, it's Heath Gerard Wheeler. Learn it. Know it. But don't fucking wear it out.