The Non-Response Response

You're familiar with the term non-denial denial? Well, I just coined a new term (I think). I may also be flogging a thoroughly dead horse, but I don't care. This is my goddamn blog, and if I want to bitch about something, I'm damn well going to. Especially because the alternative is making a post on the "official" Rock Band forums, which is a fucking wasteland of stupidity and fanboyism. So here goes.

Harmonix released (another) official response today regarding the PS3 guitar compatibility issue. Here it is:

Many of you have contacted us about the PS3 edition of Rock Band--from issues with guitar compatibility to frustration that stand-alone guitars and drums for Rock Band have not yet hit stores. Please know that these issues have our full attention. We are listening and we read everything that is posted here on our forums. We are committed to providing the best play experience possible and working hard to ensure that we solve these problems as soon as possible. We promise to keep you updated and, in the meantime, we thank you for your patience.

Let's break this down line by line.

"Many of you have contacted us about the PS3 edition of Rock Band--from issues with guitar compatibility to frustration that stand-alone guitars and drums for Rock Band have not yet hit stores."

There are only two issues that PS3 users are concerned about: guitar compatibility (i.e. the Les Paul working with Rock Band), and stand-alone instruments (most notably the guitar, but I guess if a PS3 user bought the disc-only version of the game, they might only be interested in the drums, and would want to buy them separately). So saying "from issue A to issue B" makes no sense when there's nothing in between issue A and issue B.

"Please know that these issues have our full attention."

Do they really? I would imagine that downloadable content has your full attention right now, given the weekly release schedule through the end of the year. Gotta get those dollars, G.

"We are listening and we read everything that is posted here on our forums."

Bullshit. At most, you skim. As I stated before, the official forums are teeming with idiots, you are not reading every piece of horseshit that dribbles from their mouths.

"We are committed to providing the best play experience possible and working hard to ensure that we solve these problems as soon as possible."

This is the part that most people seem to be having trouble with. It's my opinion that they think this line says, "We will patch Rock Band PS3 to work with the Les Paul and make stand-alone instruments available in time for Christmas." Sorry, assholes, but it doesn't say that. It doesn't say anything like that. By not doing a damn thing about the Les Paul and releasing stand-alone instruments in February 08, they're "solving these problems as soon as possible."

"We promise to keep you updated and, in the meantime, we thank you for your patience."

That's nice. I appreciate the update, and I will continue to have patience. Are you fucking kidding me? This isn't a response. It sets no timeframe, no strategy, no action-plan, and no expected results. It's completely devoid of any substance at all. It boils down to "We know you have complaints, we don't really care, just wait for February to pay us more money for the complete Rock Band experience. Until then, check out the microtransactions. kthxbai."

Jesus Christ almighty, this is ridiculous. This is the kind of shit that makes folks boycott companies, no matter how good the product (or parts of the product) may be.