Jazz/Lakers

Watching the Utah game and I have two observations.

1) I fucking hate the Lakers.

2) It's amazing how the announcers can still speak with LA's dicks in their mouths.
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We Don't Torture

End of Season Wrapup 2009

Most of the TV shows from the Fall are wrapping up their season runs right about now, and it's been more than a year since I gave a rundown of broadcast (and otherwise) TV, so now is as good a time as any for one of these. I'm going to try a new format for this one, though, since I don't actually watch TV on television any more (internet streaming FTW), so instead of by day, I'm just going down the list in alphabetical order.

30 Rock. I'm so glad I stopped judging this show by it's promos and gave it a fair shake. This is one of the few shows that actually deserves all the praise it gets.

Bones. I originally started watching this show only because it had a Joss-verse vet on it (David Boreanaz). 4 years in and while I wouldn't consider myself a fan of the CSI-like procedural genre, I don't hate it on principle anymore.

Breaking Bad. A high-school chemistry teacher is diagnosed with terminal cancer and is concerned about providing for his family once he's gone. What would someone do in that situation? The answer's obvious. Start cooking meth.

Castle. Another Joss-verse vet show, this one's got Nathan Fillion as a murder-mystery novelist who finds his muse in a no-nonsense female police detective. I'm digging it, but there are rumors of cancellation. Goddammit.

Chuck. One of the many things I like about this show is that it doesn't fit neatly into any given genre. It's part comedy, part drama, part romance, part espionage action. Plus, it's got Adam Baldwin. But it might be canceled. Wait, what? Goddammit!

Dexter. Fantastic show. It's also on cable, which means cancellation isn't really an option (since it's already had 3 seasons, and can presumably go as long as it's creators have ideas).

Dollhouse. Sure, I watch a lot of Joss-verse vet shows, but this one is an honest to god Joss-verse show. Unfortunately, it's on FUX. Which means it was basically canceled before it started. I really, really, really, really hope it sticks around. And I really hope Joss never works with FUX again after this.

Eli Stone. This is a show about a prophetic lawyer. And when I say prophetic, I mean in the biblical sense of the word. Ordinarily, I wouldn't give something like this the time of day, but it starred Jonny Lee Miller (from Hackers, which is a guilty pleasure of mine) and Victor Garber (who I really dug in Alias). It totally grew on me and I kept watching. And now it's canceled. Goddammit!!

Fringe. People say it's kinda like the X-Files. I wouldn't know, as I never watched the X-Files. I do know it's unlike anything I've ever seen before, and I really dig it. You know what that means? It's gonna get canceled.

Heroes. There was a bit of a rough patch around the middle of this season, I think, where it seemed like the writers were just trying goofy shit because they could. Recently, they seem to have righted the ship. I'm still pissed that Elle (Kristen Bell) isn't on the show anymore, though.

How I Met Your Mother. This show is Legen...wait for it, I hope you're not lactose intolerant because here it comes...dary!

Jericho. Canceled, brought back by the fans, then canceled again. Goddammit!!!

Journeyman. Canceled. Sigh.

Life. I really like Damian Lewis. I first saw him in Band of Brothers, and he's great as Detective Crews in Life. The rumors of cancellation really piss me off.

Life on Mars. A remake (or perhaps re-envisioning) of a BBC series, Life on Mars is about a cop who gets hit by a car in 2008 and ends up in 1973. Is he in a coma? Is he a time-traveller? Is he just dreaming? Or something else? This was my favorite show of the 2008 crop of new shows. Why do I say was? Because it's canceled. Luckily, the show-runners got the news prior to finishing their allotted run, so we got a proper ending instead of just an unfinished mess. The internet(TM) apparently hated the ending, but I loved it. Still, though. GODDAMMIT!!!!

Lost. Even though it seems like more questions are raised than answered on this show, I still can't get enough. Thank christ it will actually get to finish it's run on it's own terms.

Moonlight. Angel-light, this show should be called. For two reasons, because it got canceled after one season instead of 5. Fuck.

My Name is Earl. Yeah, yeah, I've got a huge man-crush on Jason Lee. Too bad he's a Scientologist. Anyway, Earl rocks, it's gonna be around for a long time, and...what? It might get canceled? Fuck!

My Own Worst Enemy. A double agent: in his own head. Stupid? Maybe. Original? Definitely. Interesting? Hell yes. Canceled? Of course.

New Amsterdam. So there's this immortal...nevermind, it's canceled.

Prison Break. The prison break happened at the end of the first season. Then there was a manhunt. Then another prison in the third season. Now they're out again. Will they go back in? We'll get to find out, but then it's canceled. Fuck!!

Pushing Daisies. Original, quirky, magical, hilarious, darkly comedic, and canceled.

Reaper. Original, quirky, magical, hilarious, darkly comedic, and canceled...maybe. Fuck!!!

Smallville. Trainwreck. But you know what they say about trainwrecks...

Supernatural. If not the best show on television right now, definitely in the top 3.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Terminator. Summer Glau. Canceled. FUCK!!!!

The Office. What the hell is Stringer Bell doing on The Office? Oddness aside, The Office is great.

True Blood. I haven't read the books this series is based on, but goddamn if it isn't awesome. Vampires, hot chicks, and plenty of gore? Sign me up!

United States of Tara. I wasn't sure about this show in the beginning. It wasn't really funny, and I'm not sure if it was meant to be. It grew on me, though, and I can't wait for next season (which doesn't start until 2010. Gah!).

Burn After Reading

After much urging from a friend that I would dig it, I watched Burn After Reading tonight. Not bad, but not my favorite Cohen Bros. flick. That title belongs to The Big Lebowski.

Recommended if you like black comedies and/or you're a fan of the Cohens.
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Mormons

Some Mormons came to my door today. It was a first, actually. I've gotten the Seventh Day Adventists, I've gotten the Jehovah's Witnesses, I've gotten the Evangelicals, but no Mormons. Until today. (funny aside, I typed "Morons" at first. I'm not yet sure if that was a mistake)

Two guys were standing on my porch when I opened the door, which I understand is the norm. They looked maybe 23, tops. They introduced themselves, Elder Dickspittle and Elder Cockbite (I'm positive those were their actual names), and then the first one asked what I had been doing prior to answering the door.

"Just watching some TV."

"Oh, cool. Well, we're from the Mormon Church and have been sent by the prophet blah blah blah."

At this point, the speaker must have noticed my completely uninterested expression and closed off body language, because he asked if they had been by before. My answer was no, so he followed up by asking if I had a belief in God. I again answered in the negative. He looked taken aback.

"No belief in any God?"

"Nope. None."

He stuttered. "We'd like to share our experiences in faith with you, and how..."

"I'd rather you didn't."

It was at this point he realized he would get no further with me, and asked if any of my neighbors would be interested in his shtick. I chuckled at him and thought to myself, "Drug dealers, addicts, and welfare moms? Are you fucking kidding me?" but thought better of it and said I had no idea, he'd have to ask them. I then bid Elders Dickspittle and Cockbite a good night. I resisted the urge to add a, "Hail Satan!" before closing the door.

Testing

This is only a test of mobile blogging. Have I mentioned that I heart my blackberry?
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My name is Heath, and I'm an addict

My drug of choice? Crack.

As in, Crackberry. That's right, I now own a Blackberry smartphone, and damn if it isn't sexy as hell and completely badass. I'm still discovering all the awesome things it can do, but my favorite so far is the instant messaging. It's got AIM, MSN, Yahoo, Google, pretty much everything except for ICQ, which is unsupported on my network for some reason.

So the real point of this post (other than to say that I completely heart my Blackberry), is that if anyone who reads it lost touch with me because I dropped off the IM planet, I am now back. Holla at your boy.

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars (DS) Impressions

I'll definitely have more to say about this game once I put some more time into it (I picked it up after work and played for a couple of hours), but it's pretty awesome so far. The driving controls are a little wonky (although the auto assist helps), but other than that I don't have any complaints. Plus, it holds true to what one of my Economics professors once told me: if all you care about is making as much money as quickly as possible, sell drugs.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

First off, wow, it's been awhile since I posted to the blog.

So yeah, Watchmen. Step 1: Buy, rent, or borrow Watchmen graphic novel. Step 2: Read Watchmen graphic novel. Step 3: Go see Watchmen movie and bring as many people with you as possible. Step 4, etc. Repeat Step 3 as necessary.

Watchmen is, by far, my new favorite superhero/comic book movie.

Polka Train

2008 NFL Playoffs: Conference Championship Results and Super Bowl Prediction

One more game left in the entire season. It seems like I wait all year for football season, and then it's over just like that. Oh well.

Cardinals 32, Eagles 25

This game was out of control in the first half, until Donovan McNabb brought the Eagles storming back in the third quarter. It was too little, too late, though.

Steelers 23, Ravens 14

Exactly what I expected, except for the final result. A close game all the way, much closer than the final score shows.

2008 Playoff Prediction Record: 3-7

Super Bowl XLIII: Arizona Cardinals vs Pittsburgh Steelers

The Cardinals are like the late, great Rodney Dangerfield: they get no respect. They've got a QB whose career should have been over years ago, a couple of wide receivers who are great on the field, but not so much off of it, and a running back who was cast off a Super Bowl team because he didn't have it any more, even though he clearly still does. The Steelers have the best defense in the NFL, a QB who looks like he's got at least one more Super Bowl in him, and a 2-man rushing combo that's been the hallmark of the last two Champions. I have a soft spot for underdogs, and I'm tempted to pick the Cardinals. Defense wins championships, though, so I'm going the other way and picking the Steelers.

Check back in two weeks for the Super Bowl result.

2008 NFL Playoffs: Divisional Results and Conference Championship Predictions

A weekend of upsets! Here's the rundown for this weekend's Divisional games, and my predictions for next weekend's Conference Championship games.

Ravens 13, Titans 10
The Ravens still have a stifling defense, but they've proven they can score points, too. Look out!

Cardinals 33, Panthers 13
Are the Cardinals really for real? Or are they just extreme overachievers?

Eagles 23, Giants 11
And the champions have fallen! Eli goes home one week after his brother does. Guess we'll have to wait til next year for a Manning Bowl. Here's hoping!

Steelers 35, Chargers 24
The Steelers still have that stifling defense, but they've proven they can score points, too. Look out!

2008 Playoff Prediction Record: 3-5

Now on to next week's games.

NFC

6 Philadelphia Eagles at 4 Arizona Cardinals
A 9-6-1 team goes up against a 9-7 team for the NFC Championship. Welcome to the NFL, where the postseason is almost as wacky as the BCS! The Cardinals simply aren't good enough to beat the Eagles, even in Arizona. Eagles win.

AFC

6 Baltimore Ravens at 2 Pittsburgh Steelers
The Ravens and the rookie QB are for real. The Steelers are going to be tough, and while they beat Baltimore twice during the season, both wins were very close and could have gone the other way. Ravens win the upset.

Check back next week for results and my Super Bowl prediction.

A Tale of Two Sequels

After I finished Fallout 3 (I ran through the story once as a good guy, then got halfway through a second time as an asshole before getting bored) and got my own copy of Rock Band 2, I needed a new game to rent and play. After 5 minutes at the video store, I decided that game would be Saints Row 2.

I had purchased the original Saints Row for my 360 and enjoyed it, even with the bugs and other assorted bullshit. At the time, it was the only GTA-like experience on the current-gen consoles. Since then, GTA4 had hit, and I wasn't sure how well Saints Row 2 would stack up.

Turns out it stacked up pretty well, just for different reasons. Saints Row 2 doesn't take itself nearly as seriously as GTA4, and isn't even half as long as GTA4 (I finished the main storyline in about 24 hours), but it's a whole lot of fun. There were only a handful of aggravating spots, and almost no bugs to speak of. Controls, story, graphics, and voice acting were all great. Thumbs up for Saints Row 2.

Since I was done with Saints Row 2 after a couple of weeks, I needed another game, hopefully one that that would last a bit longer. After checking online, the consensus was that Far Cry 2 was a free-roaming sandbox type game that boasted 60 hours of gameplay. One trip to the video store later and Far Cry 2 was in my possession.

For the first 5 hours, it was great. It took some getting used to, as it's not only an FPS on a console, but getting shot is much more fatal than GTA or Saints Row. Once I tackled the learning curve, though, I was off gathering conflict diamonds, shooting people, and blowing shit up. Far Cry 2 is kind of like if GTA was set in Africa. Go here, get mission, kill people or blow something up, get paid, buy weapons, shoot more people, get another mission, etc.

There was just one problem. In Far Cry 2, you have "buddies" which help you out with main mission objectives and rescue you if you get dropped in the field. Just like you, though, they're very mortal, and if they get dropped, you have to heal them or they'll bleed out and die. Once they're dead, they're dead forever. You can also "mercy kill" them if you don't feel like healing them, but there's absolutely no reason to do that. You don't get any money, you don't get their weapons, and you lose them as a resource. So the bottom line is you should protect your buddies and heal them if they're injured. Which I did.

But then I had a mission where one of my buddies derailed a train and set up an ambush. I was tasked with helping him clean up. Imagine my surprise when I rode up in my truck to his ambush location to find him dead and enemies swarming the area. I went on a hate-fuled rampage and then loaded game, because I didn't want to lose my buddy. Take 2, this time I roll up, only to see him blast a guy, and then two seconds later drop dead. At first I thought someone had shot him, but there were no enemies left in the area, not even a hidden sniper. What was stranger was that he wasn't injured and in need of healing (like would usually happen), he was just dead, game over, end of story. At this point, I was supremely pissed. I really didn't want to do the whole thing over a third time, because from my last save to this point there was a shitload of combat and driving to be done. I managed to reason with myself that this was part of the storyline. I drive up, too late to save my buddy, and he goes out in a hail of gunfire. Sure, fine, whater.

I continue on, now with only one "rescue-ready" buddy, not a mission helper buddy. There's another potential buddy back at base, but she doesn't trust me enough yet to help me out with missions. So I'm rolling along doing side missions trying to avoid the story until I can get another buddy, and I get taken down while I'm out hunting down an assassination target. My buddy rescues me, we gun down the rest of the enemies, and I go off on my merry way. I stop by the arms dealer to spend my ill-gotten gains, then save my game. I go out on another side mission, get taken down again by enemies, and am confronted with the loading screen, rather than being rescued by my buddy.

My Spidey-sense tingles, but I load game. I check my journal, and my buddy shows as "mercy-killed." What the fuck? I didn't mercy kill anyone. Out of curiosity, I check the status of my earlier buddy, and he shows "mercy-killed" too. It's at this point that I realize not only was his death a bug, but this death was also a bug. I had left my rescuer alone in the wilderness, but like all times before it, I expected him to get back safe, and instead, he just dropped dead at some point and became listed as "mercy-killed."

Nevertheless, I was still having fun with the game and soldiered on. I went to the main faction's HQ to get a new mission, but there wasn't one available. Instead, I was tasked with rescuing a prisoner. Ah, finally, a new buddy. I go to the place, gun down the guards, and open the prisoner's cell. She says she's glad to see me, and tells me to go ahead and eliminate any reinforcements. I leave, expecting her to follow. I wait at the main entrance, watching for reinforcements, but none show. I shrug, and get in my truck and start driving back to base. I then realize that my GPS is still showing the rescue target. So I turn around and go back, expecting to see my buddy still standing in the cell or something equally stupid. But there's no one there. Yet my GPS continues to blink, "You're supposed to rescue someone here." I wander around the camp, hoping those mysterious reinforcements will show up so I can gun them down and advance the mission, but still nothing. Furious now, I drive back to base. What a surprise, there's the rescued prisoner. But she has nothing to do with me, because the game still thinks she hasn't been rescued. I rest, thinking that will do it. No dice. "You're supposed to rescue someone here."

Load game. Get rescue mission again, gun down guards, unlock cell. Go on ahead, reinforcements, we'll meet back at base. I lead the way backwards, trying to see if she'll follow me, but she just stands there dumbly in her cell. I leave the camp and return, and the guards have respawned, but I pretend they're reinforcements and gun them down. She's gone from the cell. I return to base, she's there, but I still can't talk to her. I can't take another mission because this one isn't completed. I can't finish the mission, even though I did what I was supposed to do. At this point, I hit the PS button, select "Quit game," eject the disc, and am forever done with Far Cry 2. It took me 9 hours to hit a game-killing bug. Fan-fucking-tastic. Big thumbs down for Far Cry 2.

2008 NFL Playoffs: Wild Card Results and Divisional Predictions

Could I be any more wrong? Here's the rundown for this weekend's Wild Card games, and my picks for next weekend's Divisional games.

Cardinals 30, Falcons 24
Matt Ryan looked like a rookie quarterback, mostly because the Cardinals D-line made a living in the backfield all day. Kurt Warner may not be the future of the Cardinals, but for now, Arizona moves on.

Eagles 26, Vikings 14
Having one amazing rusher doesn't mean much when the other team has a pretty damn good rusher and a pretty damn good QB to boot.

Chargers 23, Colts 17
I'll let Indianapolis' Defensive End Dwight Freeney sum up this game: “Those were the worst [expletive] calls I’ve seen in a long time. To have a game of that magnitude taken out of your hands, it’s just disgusting. It’s not like they made one [expletive] bad call – it’s three calls, in overtime. On one the ball’s 50 feet over [Chambers’] head. And they have the nerve to call defensive holding? When they can’t even call one friggin’ offensive holding the whole game? What’s going on? They need to start investigating some other [expletive].” Well said, Mr. Freeney.

Ravens 27, Dolphins 9
Joe Flacco did not look like a rookie quarterback, but Chad Pennington did. I'm curious to see if any team throws the ball Ed Reed's way ever again.

2008 Playoff Prediction Record: 0-4

Now on to next week's games.

NFC

4 Arizona Cardinals at 2 Carolina Panthers
From beating a team that no one expected to go to the playoffs to meeting a team that could very well go all the way, Arizona's playoff road ends here. Panthers win.

6 Philadelphia Eagles at 1 New York Giants
The Eagles are surprisingly good when it counts, and it's for that reason I'm picking them in an upset over the champion Giants. Eagles win.

AFC

4 San Diego Chargers at 2 Pittsburgh Steelers
Fuck the Chargers. Steelers win.

6 Baltimore Ravens at 1 Tennessee Titans
Remember how no 6th seeded team had ever won a Super Bowl, and then the Steelers did just that 3 years ago? I think it might be time for that again. Ravens win.

Check back next week for results and more predictions.

Movie of the Year

The best film I've seen all year was also the last one I'll see this year. It's based on a true story, stars an Oscar winner who deserves another, and is about a man who, I'm ashamed to say, knew absolutely nothing about before seeing the film.

That film is Milk. It is one of those movies that everyone should see, but those who truly need to see it will not. It is a movie that I wish would have came out just a little bit sooner. It is a movie that makes me sad, hopeful, angry, and contemplative. I wonder where we might be today if Harvey Milk had been allowed to continue his career, and his activism. I think about the events depicted in the film, and realize that 30 years later, the specific issues may have changed, but the arguments haven't.

I urge you to go see Milk.

2008 NFL Playoffs: Wild Card Weekend

And another NFL regular season comes to a close. Hell of a final weekend, with two playoff spots in each conference up for grabs, and a handful of teams fighting for them. But the matchups are now set, so here goes my predictions for the Wild Card games in the first round.

NFC

5 Atlanta Falcons at 4 Arizona Cardinals
The Falcons came out of essentially nowhere with a no name QB and finished with a better record than all but two teams in their conference. Arizona won their first division title in more than 30 years with an all but washed-up QB enjoying a second go-round in the spotlight. However, the Cardinals lost 4 of their last 6 games and beat only one playoff team during the season. The upset goes to the Falcons.

6 Philadelphia Eagles at 3 Minnesota Vikings
The Eagles started the season well, and if only for a couple of plays, could have been 6-0 going into their bye week. They weren't, of course, but they did finish strong, with decisive wins against the Cardinals and Giants, and an absolute demolishing of the Cowboys. The Vikings have ridden "All Day" Adrian Peterson into the playoffs after squeaking out a win against the Giants in the last game of the season. Smart money's probably on the Eagles, but I'm picking the Vikings.

Byes: 1 New York Giants and 2 Carolina Panthers

AFC

5 Indianapolis Colts at 4 San Diego Chargers
The Colts are without a doubt the best wild card team in the playoffs, and except for a stunning 10-0 run to start the season by the Titans, would have yet another division title under their belts. The Chargers, on the other hand, are without a doubt the worst division champ in the playoffs. They beat one decent team all season (the Patriots, who, by virtue of the rule that division champs have a guaranteed spot in the playoffs even when they're 8-8, missed out on a postseason berth), and needed to beat the Broncos in the last game to even get in. Plus, Indianapolis is not going to get embarrassed by a team that wears powder blue unis for the second year in a row. Colts win.

6 Baltimore Ravens at 3 Miami Dolphins
The Ravens came out of essentially nowhere with a no name QB and finished with a better record than all but three teams in their conference. Miami finished first in a division that had been dominated by the Patriots for nearly a decade, and was competitive from top to bottom for the first time ever. The Ravens will be tough, but I think Miami comes out with a win.

Byes: 1 Tennessee Titans and 2 Pittsburgh Steelers

Check back next week for results and more predictions.

Christmas Haul 2008

Merry Christmas, bitches! Hope you all had a great day, cause I sure did. I ran down the fat loot I gathered last year, so I think I'll do it again this year, in no particular order.

Neverwinter Nights 2: Storm of Zehir (PC). The second expansion to the second installment of the best fantasy-style CRPG currently in production.

Kung Fu Panda (Blu Ray). Jack Black, Kung Fu, and animation. What's not to like?

The Dark Knight (Blu Ray). My second favorite superhero movie of 2008 (first was Iron Man).

Batman: Gotham Knight (Blu Ray). Batman rocks.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Blu Ray). Indy still kicks ass and takes names, I don't give a shit what anybody says.

Freakazoid! Season 1 (DVD). What do they call poo-gas in Scotland? Crud-vapors.

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney (DS). The fourth in the Ace Attorney series. Yelling "OBJECTION!" at your DS is more fun than it sounds like.

Rock Band 2 (PS3). I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Didn't you get this as soon as it came out?" And the answer is yes, I did. I got it the day before it came out to be exact, but it was just a rental. They wouldn't sell it to me a day early, but they'd let me rent it. Whatever. I now officially own it, so it's all good.

Raiders 60"x80" Fleece Blanket. Great for watching football on the couch.

Raiders knit cap. Great for keeping your brain pan warm when it's cold as fuck outside.

And that about does it for another gift-giving season. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Peace, bitches!

If You Build It, You Will Bleed

So Bill Harris posted today about building computers, and it made me want to talk about my own experience building computers. Specifically, about the blood involved.

You see, I've built every PC I've ever owned myself (with the exception of one, a store-bought Compaq that I shall never speak of again), and in every one I've put a little bit of myself. Literally.

One time I was reaching in to the case to plug in a cable and scratched the shit out of my knuckles on a sharp edge. I don't know if you know this, but knuckles bleed. A lot.

Another time I was screwing in a drive, slipped, and jabbed the screwdriver into my palm. That brought blood, but mostly pain.

Finally, there was the time that I was trying to pry out a drive bay with my fingers, slipped, and sliced my finger open on a protruding metal tab. I still have the crescent shaped scar just below the second knuckle on my left index finger. It matches the one in the same place on my right index finger that was made through a completely different and unrelated accident, but that's a story for another day. Regardless, there was much blood, much pain, and probably some stitches if I had bothered to seek medical attention. Remember, there was a computer that needed to get built.

I haven't built a computer in a few years now, so who knows what's next. But if it's sharp, pointy, jagged, or even blunt, you can bet I'll slice, stab, tear, or crush myself in some way that brings the blood. Oh yes, there will be blood.

Prop 8: The Musical

Starring Jack Black, Neil Patrick Harris, and John C. Reilly (among others), it's Prop 8: The Musical!

Left 4 Dead (PC) Impressions

I got a chance to check out Left 4 Dead tonight, for about an hour. These are very early impressions; I'd have liked to play it a little more before giving them, but the game wouldn't let me.

My computer can handle it, and it runs silky smooth and looks great, but for some reason it's still crash happy. Not sure why, it runs great, and then all of a sudden decides to crash for no apparent reason.

Anyway, it's the very definition of twitch finger action, very cinematic, and incredibly fun. It's old school shooter and new school shooter wrapped together in one tasty package. I can't wait to play more, if I can just get it to stop crashing to the desktop every twenty minutes.