Mormons

Some Mormons came to my door today. It was a first, actually. I've gotten the Seventh Day Adventists, I've gotten the Jehovah's Witnesses, I've gotten the Evangelicals, but no Mormons. Until today. (funny aside, I typed "Morons" at first. I'm not yet sure if that was a mistake)

Two guys were standing on my porch when I opened the door, which I understand is the norm. They looked maybe 23, tops. They introduced themselves, Elder Dickspittle and Elder Cockbite (I'm positive those were their actual names), and then the first one asked what I had been doing prior to answering the door.

"Just watching some TV."

"Oh, cool. Well, we're from the Mormon Church and have been sent by the prophet blah blah blah."

At this point, the speaker must have noticed my completely uninterested expression and closed off body language, because he asked if they had been by before. My answer was no, so he followed up by asking if I had a belief in God. I again answered in the negative. He looked taken aback.

"No belief in any God?"

"Nope. None."

He stuttered. "We'd like to share our experiences in faith with you, and how..."

"I'd rather you didn't."

It was at this point he realized he would get no further with me, and asked if any of my neighbors would be interested in his shtick. I chuckled at him and thought to myself, "Drug dealers, addicts, and welfare moms? Are you fucking kidding me?" but thought better of it and said I had no idea, he'd have to ask them. I then bid Elders Dickspittle and Cockbite a good night. I resisted the urge to add a, "Hail Satan!" before closing the door.